Maternal Rant
All the Baby books seem united on the importance of establishing a bedtime routine where offspring goes to sleep in their cot/basket and how when they inevitably protest about this you are to go and soothe them but not take them out / pick them up/ sing / rock / cuddle / speak. I have just one question. How the FUCK are we supposed to soothe them then? A cold flannel? An IOU for a racing bike? If I ever should meet up with Gina Ford or Tracey Hogg or even, damnit, Penelope Leach I reckon I should be able to plead a) provocation and b) temporary insanity should their bloody deaths ever be challenged in the courts.