too late, too bad
in english the other day an interesteing question arose "do we love love, or the thought of love"...in the book A Handmaids Tale, we are told that the society that Offred is living in is devoid of love...the archatects of the society knew how to control people, how to rebuild the population...but with these meaningless acts of procreation, love was missed...but what was actually gone? wat it true love, like in The Princess Bride, where one couple in every million years truely experiences what it is to have such a connection to another human being that they can eternally love, without doubt, for their whole lives and beyond? is that wat was missed? or was it the illusion of love....the concept that one is capable of love, and of possibly obtaining that love, was that what the society was missing? i just turned on my tv n saw an 11 yr old declaing his love for a girl his age....in this society love is so miscontrued...love is corny pick-up lines and wild lovemaking that appears in movies and movies alone...its in a rhelm all its own and can thought to be obtained, but cnt....its a word that is so full of miscontruied meaning that one wonders how anyone can define love at all! i personally have yet to love, or to love the way i define it anyway, n the sad part is its prob just as much my fault as nething else......im slowly getting used to blaming myself for things ive done lol....or maybe its just the mood im in, i mean having taken the SATs n all.....n especially with my dad telling me that im smarter than i am....man i could write a whole lj entry on my dad alone....maybe i shall now n totally regress from my thoughts on love, considering they are nonexitant for me anyway b/c the guys i really like i shy away from n the guys i think n kewl or w/e i h/u with too easily n then they like me but i dont like them.....i wanna be braver....i also dont wanna be so upset with my dad.....hes just a set or ironies in his own.....he tellls me that my SAT doesnt reflect the fact that im as smart as i am so i tell him well it obvliusly reflects something that is me......and at ne rate he doesnt wanna pay for the colleges that i wanna go to neway so wats the point? n they either wont accept me or wont give me scholarships....god this is so shitty...its just an education, but i want wat i want....jeeze, and i cnt get wat i want lately it seems....i fantasize too much n dont put it to reality.....i think bout the guy i like but dont tell him i like him, n now its prob wayyyy tooo late to tell him, b/c he for sure has moved on...but the sadder part is that i wasnt in love with him n dont think i ever would be....im defff in one of those moods where i just want a guy to like me for me n for me to like him bak n that be all.....i need a guy who i can talk to as well as all the other factors.....but combining everything isnt as easy at it seems haha.....im really hoping for college to brinng me some real realtionship b/c its just getting kinda shitty doing radomn h/us, theyre too easy n all my guy friends atleast having g/fs n then theres like, me haha....BAH, n then theres prom, n now im just rambling lol.....idk i guess i had a point to make, but im going out now to get hyper to stop thinking so much.....ttyl mes amies
~Sammy
~Sammy