(no subject)
I'm not gonna go too much into detail on this because..I really can't bring myself to do that. I may not be having a relationship much longer. This time, it wasn't my fault. I put myself out there and this is what fuckin happens. Trust is pretty much shot, I'm worried about things that I may or may not have to worry about and I'm torn between what is real and what isn't. I feel rejected. I feel like I did something horribly wrong...I feel like I'm alone in being the one who wanted to make it work. I'm pretty sure I deserve it because I was warned but I thought this was different. It felt different. I want to cry but I can't. I've been smoking a lot more lately and it doesn't bother me. I want to stand outside and just scream at the world but what good would that do? None. I want to talk to him about this but I feel like I'm just bothering him. I want him so bad but the feeling is obviously not mutual and it shows. I was tricked into this. I don't wanna be here knowing that he's less than 100 feet away from me. I shouldn't be feeling like this but...I don't know how else to feel. I want him to want me again. I want him to want me like he wanted me 2 weeks ago. Why am I getting so worked up about this? I hate this.