Happiness Is: Chapter 9
JC turned the corner into the parking lot and saw the crew working hard to pack the buses up. "Looks like we made it back in time." He said nonchalantly, even though inside he was seething that they were to be on the road minutes after picking up Taylor.
Lance looked over at JC and they both rolled their eyes over the situation but there wasn't anything they could do. Taylor wasn't paying any attention, she was too busy staring off into space, still hurt that Kat hadn't come to get her or at least have come along. They pulled up next to the buses and Lance jumped out of the van to open the side door for Taylor. JC climbed out of the driver's side, grabbing her bag on his way out. Lance held out his hand and she took it cautiously. "Watch your step" He told her.
"I'm not broken, Lance." She said softly, stepping into the sunlight out of the dark vehicle.
"I know." He said just as softly, although his eyes contradicted his words.
She looked around the parking lot and finally took notice that all the buses were being loaded up. "Time to move on already?" She raised an eyebrow at him, her tone calm, even though inside her insides were churning.
He nodded. "They gave us as much time as they could but apparently we've got a schedule to keep." He shrugged, trying to play it off. He watched her, hoping her face would change to reveal any emotion, but it remained neutral.
She shrugged. "It's a job, guess we have to keep the fans happy, right, no matter the cost?"
He chucked her under the chin, staring directly into her eyes, trying to calm the storm that he knew was going on inside her head. "No worries. Got it."
Her eyes widened in shock at the ease with which he had done that. No one touched her and he seemed to be doing it more frequently and it unnerved her. It wasn't anything overwhelming so much as little gestures, a squeeze of her hand, a quick hug, a chuck under the chin. All within the last few days since she had been admitted into the hospital. She nodded, unable to speak before turning towards her bus, him trailing after her trying to figure out what he had done to silence her so quickly.
"Taylor, wait up." He called out, just as she was about to board her bus.
She turned around to face him, her blonde hair framing her face, her green eyes showing nothing except for a faint glimmer of fear. "What?"
"Are you sure about the sleeping arrangements… if you don't feel comfortable…we have an extra bunk on our…"
She smiled softly, before interrupting him. "I'll be fine, but thanks. Thanks for asking." She walked on board and disappeared down the hall, leaving Lance with the picture of her small smile in his head. He kept staring at the doorway of the bus and didn't realize that someone had walked up behind him until he saw a hand waving in front of his face. He turned and saw Kat smiling at him, one hand clutching the basketball under her arm, the other waving in his face.
"You okay? You looked a little lost there." She said, swiping at her sweaty hair that was falling into her face.
He shook his head to clear away the fragile image of Taylor. "Fine. I'm fine." He turned to walk away but stopped and turned back to the girl. "So why didn’t you pick up Taylor from the hospital? She said, you told her you would." He tried to get the question to come out as if he didn't really care one way or another but it came out biting instead, his wanting to protect Taylor from harm surfacing.
Kat took a step backwards away from the attack. "She's back?"
Lance sneered at her. "Yeah, where else did you think JC and I were heading out earlier? For lunch?"
"I… I was going to…. But… "
"Time got away from you?"
"I guess you could say that. I was honestly going to go after J and I were done…" She trailed off, not able to meet his eyes.
"Right and I'm the Pope. Why did you tell her you would if you had no intentions of going?"
"Where do you get off attacking me like it's any of your business?" She jerked her head up to glare at him.
"It's my business when I end up picking up the pieces of your mess."
"Don't play Mr. Self Righteous with me, buddy…" She pointed a finger into his chest. "You don't have a clue as to what's going on around here."
"Then why don't you "clue" me in, then." He asked her.
"I don't have time."
She turned to leave and board the bus, but Lance grabbed her arm, staying her. "You have plenty of time to go and play basketball with a nineteen year old boy but not enough to sit and talk to me. I don't get you, Kat. Is it the boys' looks? You're tossing aside your friendship with Tay for Justin? What?"
"I don't have to explain myself to you."
"NO, but you have to explain to the blonde that's probably all curled up in her bunk right now why her best friend was out playing BASKETBALL when she was supposed to be picking her up from the hospital!"
Kat shook her head. "We're through here Lance. Let go of me."
"Fine answer me one thing…"
She jerked her arm out of his grasp and turned to face him. "What?"
"What is life like on that bus for her?" He asked softly.
Lance saw what Taylor went through in the few seconds Kat couldn't mask the hurt in her eyes before she closed off. "It's hard. No one talks unless they have to and Dani is always making some snide comment. That one chatters non-stop but Tay and I, we keep to our corners and keep the peace that way."
"Kat, you know her better than anyone… this collapse… could it happen again?"
She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "Tay's gone through a lot over the years. She's a strong individual. I don't think it will…"
"But…"
"But, I don't know Tay anymore. I don't know what's going on inside her head, I don't know her like I used to. I wish to God I did, so I could tell you what you want to hear but I can't. I just can't read her anymore."
"Should she be on that bus, is what I'm asking?"
Kat didn't say anything, she shook her head and climbed on board. "Kat!" He called out.
When she reached the top, she turned to face him. "No, she shouldn't be. I think Dani and I are killing her to be very honest. I think she's dying inside and I can't stop it." Kat whirled around and walked quickly out of his sight as she went farther into the bus, leaving Lance to contemplate what she had said.
JC walked up behind him, not knowing if he should interrupt the younger man's thoughts. After debating, he walked up and tapped him on the shoulder. "You okay?"
Lance turned and sighed. "Yeah… I…"
"Don't sweat the hard stuff. You can't fix everything." JC told him.
"I know, but with her…"
"You want to fix everything. You can't, Lance, you're just one individual. What she's going through… if she wants help, she'll ask, you can't force it."
"I know." Lance sighed again before turning to walk away from the bus.
"But…" JC grinned and held out Taylor's bag. "You can go and give this to her."
Lance shook his head with a small grin. "I can't believe you're giving me an excuse to board the girl's bus…"
"I can't believe you need one." JC returned the grin.
Lance grabbed the bag and turned back to the girl's bus. "Thanks JC."
"No problem. I don't want that girl hurt anymore than you do."
Lance walked up the steps of the bus and looked down the hallway. The bus looked just like theirs but with different colors. He could hear a the music from a video game coming from the back but the silence besides that was deafening. You could literally cut the tension in the air with a knife. "Taylor?" He called out from the front of the bus.
Taylor sat in her bunk, writing in her journal about the past few days when she heard someone call her name. She sighed and rolled over, opening the curtain. "In here." She said softly.
Lance walked down the hall toward the bunks, hunching down next to hers when he got to the open curtain. "Nice place you got here." He smiled at her.
She looked at him incredulously. "Is that why you came over here, to tell me I've got a nice bunk?"
"No, thought you might want your stuff." He said, holding up her bag.
She laughed quietly. "Yeah, having my hair brush and make-up might help things along in the morning, thanks." She reached out to take the overnight bag but stopped when he held it out of reach.
"We don't have a concert tonight and we'll be stopping at a hotel. Why don't you come and hang put with us till we get to the next hotel."
She shook her head. "Nah, I think I'm just going to stay here and be quiet. Catch up on some reading." She reached over and held up the paperback book that was stuck in the crevice between the mattress and the wall.
He set the bag down and grabbed her hands pulling her to a sitting position and half out the bunk. "I'm not going to take NO as an answer. Come on the guys want to make sure for themselves that you're all right. You gave Joey quite the scare, he couldn't sleep last night in fear that you wouldn't come back."
"Now you're trying for the guilt trip." She eyed him carefully.
He looked at her tongue in cheek. "Is it working?"
She sighed. "Lance… I've got a lot of stuff to do…"
"Nothing that can't be brought to our bus and done there. JC, could help you with your music, I listen real well and don't yell. You can play video games with Justin and Joey and Chris are always good for a laugh."
"I don't know…"
He stuck his bottom lip out and pouted, giving her the puppy dog look. "Please…."
She gritted her teeth and glared at him. "That's not going to work."
He stuck his face up into hers. "PLEASE!"
She laughed and shoved him away. "Why do I have this feeling that if I don't say yes, all five of you will bombard OUR bus?" She folded her arms over her chest as she watched him.
"Now there's an idea… hadn't thought of that one. Let me go tell all of them that we'll be traveling over here tonight." He stood up to leave but got dragged down when she grabbed his arm.
"No, you weren't supposed to take… oh never mind. I'll go. Let me get my stuff." She crawled out of the bunk and turned to grab a few things to put in the bag that was already out for her.
Lance looked up when he saw Kat standing in the doorway. He couldn't read her expression, but she flashed him a thumbs up before turning to head back into the lounge.
"I'm ready." She told him, standing up, as she zipped the bag closed.
"Good." He placed his hand on her back and led her to the front of the bus, only to stop cold when someone climbed on.
"Hey Lance, how ya been?" Dani smiled up at him. She looked over his shoulder and saw Taylor, who had frozen in place the minute she had realized who was speaking.
"Fine, Dani. How was your 'vacation'?" He asked her.
"It was Great! Went home and saw Sandy, spent some time lying on the beach, only one fan attack. Overall a nice relaxing trip."
"Good glad you got some down time. Tay, ready?" He turned and held his hand out to her, pleading with his eyes for her to take it and accept some of his strength.
"Taylor, how are you?" Dani gushed, pushing Lance out of the way, before Tay could take his hand.
"Fine. Thanks for asking. How's Sandy?"
"She's good. Asked about you and Kat of course. I told her you were both doing really well and missed her."
"Lying to your own Mom now." Tay asked her quietly. "No wonder she didn't call, did you event ell her where I was?"
"Actually no, I just told her we were on a break and that's why I came home." Dani smirked at her.
"I…" Taylor just shook her head and pushed past her.
"You can't have her Taylor. She's my mother." Dani told her softly.
Taylor turned around to face the other girl. "I don't want her Dani. But it is nice to have someone to talk to every now and then. And for the record, she's not even really your mother you know, she's your step-mother."
"I know that!" Dani spat.
"Just reminding you." Taylor said sweetly before turning and leaving the bus.
Lance just shook his head and turned to follow Taylor, but Dani stopped him. "Where are you two going?"
Lance turned and looked at her disgustedly. "Anywhere that you're not." He climbed off the bus and hurried to catch up with Taylor who was already halfway to his bus.
Taylor climbed the steps hurriedly, boarding the other bus as she tried to fight off the tears that were building up behind her eyes. "Taylor!" She could hear Lance yelling her name behind her as he tried to catch up after being ambushed by Dani but she didn't care. She just wanted a hole to crawl into.
"Taylor?" She looked up and found JC standing there with an apple halfway up to his mouth. "Are you okay? You do realize that you're on the wrong bus?"
She took a deep breath. "Lance invited me over." She didn't say anything else, just walked over and plopped down at the table, putting her head down on her crossed arms.
Lance climbed the stairs as quickly as he could and stopped cold at the scene before him. JC was sitting down at the kitchen table with Taylor, munching on an apple, while telling a funny story from the look on Taylor's face, because she was smiling so wide that the pureness of it wiped the breath from Lance's lungs.
"So…" crunch crunch "This girl gets past security and wanders down the hall, clutching the polaroid camera, unbeknown to any of us right. Our rooms are always at the end of the hall and because we rent the entire floor, we don't usually have to worry about strangers coming into our rooms. Justin and Lance were rooming together, Joey and I shared a room and it was Chris' turn to be by himself."
Lance came out of his stupor just in time to hear what JC was saying. "Oh don't tell her that one." He groaned, slipping in beside Taylor at the table.
"No, continue, please." She asked quickly. "If this is about Lance…" She looked over impishly. "I've got to hear it."
Lance groaned again, then took off where JC left off. "Okay so like JC said, sometimes we leave the doors open, well this time was one of them. I was in the shower and Justin must've left the room for something and left the door open. This girl comes into the room looking for souveneirs. She dug through my and J's bags, taking photos and rummaging through for a souveneir I guess. She finally grabbed a pair of J's boxers and we think was about to leave when I came out of the shower. Both of us stopped dead in our tracks, I was so shocked to see this teenage girl in our room that I lost my hold on the towel. I tried to grab it but not before she got ahold of herself and snapped a picture."
Taylor took one look at his red face and started to laugh. She couldn't stop. She looked over at JC who grinned back at her and before she knew it, he was laughing with her. Lance just shook his head and finished the story. "Security came running when they heard my shout and confiscated everything that she had taken and her camera and film, but the humiliation…." He shook his head again. "Gave that girl a free show I did."
JC looked over at him tongue in cheek. "She's probably a Lance fan for life after that."
Lance grabbed an apple off the counter and threw it at him. "You just wait your turn. It'll happen to you. Or better yet, you just end up flashing the entire audience all the time. I think our wardrobe ladies break your zipper on purpose."
JC smiled. "They probably do, cause they know I'm the better looking out of all of us."
"I don't think so, C." A new voice spoke out. "Everyone knows I'm the best." Justin pushed JC out of the way and slid in beside him.
JC glared at him before sliding over completely. "Make yourself comfortable why don't you?"
Justin laughed. "Don't mind if I do." He turned and looked at everyone seated at the table and his eyes widened slightly when Taylor's presence registered. "Hey chicky boo, what brings you to our neck of the woods?"
She shrugged. "Thought I'd come say HI."
"You with us till we reach the next town?" The bus decided to start up at that point and pull out of the parking lot.
"Guess so." She smiled shyly at him before turning to JC who was still eating his apple. "Know anymore good stories?"
Crunch crunch "Give me a minute…" He told her finishing off his apple in two large bites before tossing the core into the sink for the garbage disposal.
Justin turned and looked at Lance before letting the grin he was holding back surface. "I could tell you some good ones…" he started before Lance cut him off.
"I don't think she needs to hear those, J." Lance told him, giving him a look to silence him.
Justin leaned back in the booth. "Oh, is there something you're holding back Jimmy?" Justin smiled sweetly at him, wiggling his eyebrows up and down to goad him.
"No."
Taylor watched the interplay between the two as if she was watching a tennis match. "You guys are too much. Why haven't you killed each other yet?"
Justin grinned evilly at Lance before turning to Taylor. "To be honest… I don't know. We're like brothers, I guess. Know too much about the other but love the company… and the violence that comes with it, right Lance?" Justin smiled quickly over at him.
"Oh definitely. Wait till I get my hands on you later."
Justin laughed. "Oooh Kinky. Not in front of the lady."
Lance groaned. "Tay, ignore the kid."
Taylor just continued to listen to them in complete fascination. The girls never interacted like this on her bus. Not even when they were getting along. They all had their own choices and paths, sure they would talk and catch up, play the friend parts, but it was almost as if they had never been truly friends in the first place. They reminded her of Kat and her before they had started Dolphin's Cry. Before all the pressure and the glamour had hit their world.
JC watched her as she watched them and was fascinated because he could actually see her mind working. The only other one that he could do that with was Lance. They both, when their walls were down, were completely open with the world, but when the walls were up, completely emotionless it seemed. "Hey Tay…"
She looked up, not wanting to stop watching the two friends bicker back and forth in jest. "Yes…"
"Did you ever finish that one song?" He placed his head in his folded hands and turned his blue eyes on her full force.
She groaned. "What is with you guys and the puppy dog look?"
"We just know that no red-blooded female can resist." Lance told her, placing his head on her shoulder.
She looked down at him shocked and scooted away from his so that his head came off her shoulder before turning back to JC. "What song would that be? I'm working on several."
"The one I want to get my hands on, you know the one."
She sighed before reaching down into her bag and digging around for her music folder. She pulled out the blue folder and placed it on the table. After flipping through a few pieces of paper, she pulled out two sheets and waved it under his nose. "You mean this one?" She smiled at him.
JC caught a few lines of the song while she was waving it around and smiled. "That's it." He reached out to grab it but she put it back in the folder and closed it.
"Nope. No one sees my work till its finished." She smirked at him, before leaning back in the booth.
Justin laughed at the smug look on her face and the shocked look on JC's. "THAT was priceless. Oh man…you're face, C…" Justin laughed so hard that JC finally shoved him out of the booth, where he landed on the floor with a hard thud. That didn't phase Justin any, he just looked up at the people staring down at him, and started laughing again.
Lance rolled his eyes. "He hasn't taken his medication yet today."
Justin stopped laughing long enough to kick Lance. "That's Chris, get it right."
Taylor looked down at Justin's pouting face and laughed along with the rest of the guys. "You guys…" She shook her head. "and on that note, I think I'm going to get some work done." She looked around. "I'm sure one of you has a guitar… could I borrow one that is preferably tuned?"
Lance laughed as JC and Justin both turned to her, looking offended. "Ours are ALWAYS tuned."
She leaned back with a smirk. "Well can I borrow one?"
Justin jumped up. "You can use mine. It's sounds better than C's."
JC glared at him. "Now that's a matter of opinion."
Justin stuck his tongue out before bouncing back to his bunk to get his guitar.
Lance chuckled to himself. "I think this is going to be an interesting few hours."
JC and Taylor turned and looked at him curiously. "Why do you say that?" Taylor asked.
"Cause now Justin can pick on you and leave me alone and I can sit back and watch the show."
Taylor's mouth dropped open in shock as JC coughed, covering his mouth to cover his grin. "Excuse me?" She stuttered.
Lance turned and grinned at her, smiling the one that sends millions of teenage girls into a frenzy. "You heard me."
Her heart stopped beating for a few seconds, before beginning to beat in double time as the full impact of that cocky smile hit her. She shook her head then picked her jaw up and pushed him out of the booth, sending him flying just as Justin bounded back in. "Good thing she wasn't holding the guitar just then I take it." He smiled cheekily.
JC laughed. "She's feeling frisky, J. I'd watch it if I were you." He secretly agreed with Lance though about this trip, but not about Justin and Taylor but the interplay that was going to happen between Taylor and Lance. She wasn't as immune to him as they had all thought in the first place.
Taylor grabbed the guitar from Justin's outstretched hands and walked towards the back lounge.
"Uh, Taylor…I wouldn't…" Justin began before shrugging and sitting down at the table, letting her wander back. "She'll figure out soon enough that back there is NOT the best place to go to play."
Usually the lounge in her bus was always empty so she immediately headed back to the guys', not thinking that there were two more people on this bus. She opened the door and was confronted with two males jumping on the couches screaming at the TV. "POUND HIM!"
"GET HIM!"
"What kind of hold was THAT?"
"WUSS!"
All of a sudden both males groaned and collapsed on the couches. "I can't believe him." Chris stated.
"The Rock totally had that guy, I can't believe he gave up at the end." Joe groaned, rolling onto his stomach, still watching the TV.
Taylor stood wide-eyed in the doorway. The television was blaring as men dressed in spandex suits paraded around a ring before slamming each other into the mat. She couldn't believe they were back here watching wrestling. She hadn't even heard them while she was up front.
Chris looked up right then and caught her standing there. "TAYLOR!" He jumped up, grabbing her in a huge bear hug.
"Uh, Hi Chris." She said, holding the guitar to the side so that it wouldn't get crushed.
"I didn't know you were here. How are you feeling? Any better? Do you need anything?"
She shook her head. "I'm fine but thanks for asking. Lance invited me over so I took him up on it."
Chris eyed her closely before nodding. "Probably a good idea." He pulled her over to the couch and made her sit. "So whatcha doing?"
Joe laughed as he noticed the guitar dangling loosely from her fingertips. "Hey Tay. Looks like she wanted to play, Chris."
Chris began to bounce up and down. "Play for us. I haven't heard you play or sing. Would you?"
She looked around nervously before shrugging. "Why not… you can hear the new song I just finished and give me your opinion on it"
Chris and Joe looked at each other in shock, before leaning back to listen. Taylor strummed a few chords, warming up the guitar while humming a few notes before she began to sing.
You know it only breaks my heart
To see you standing in the dark alone
Waiting there for me to come back
I'm too afraid to show
If it's coming over you
Like it's coming over me
I'm crashing like a tidal wave
That drags me out to sea
And I wanna be with you
And you wanna be with me
I'm crashing like a tidal wave
And I don't wanna be
Stranded, stranded, stranded, stranded
I can only take so much
These tears are turning me to rust
I know you're waiting there for me
To come back
I'm too afraid to show
Chorus
I miss you, I need you
Without you, I'm stranded
I love you, so come back
I'm not afraid to show
Chorus
~Stranded by Plum~
Taylor let the last chord ring through the small room before looking up at her audience. She hadn't noticed Justin, Lance and JC enter the room while she had been playing so she jerked in shock to find five people in the room instead of two. "Oh, Hi." She said, startled.
"Thought you were working, not performing." Justin told her.
She glared at him. "Well someone forgot to tell me the back was occupied."
He smiled and shrugged. "Someone forgot to ask."
"Told you she was feeling punchy." JC spoke up, from where he was slouching in the doorway.
Taylor rolled her eyes. "I'm feeling cranky is what I'm feeling."
All the guys leaned away from her. "Is that like you trying to tell us that you're PMSing?" Chris asked.
Taylor groaned. "That was such a male comment right there that I'm not even going to deem it with an answer."
Lance sat down on the couch and just watched her. He loved to sit and watch her talk and sing, she always got a bit of color in her cheeks and her eyes sparkled with life whenever music was involved. It was a refreshing change after seeing her so lifeless on the floor of the venue hallways when she collapsed and then hooked up to tubes in the hospital.
"Lance?"
He jerked out of the daze to find everyone in the room staring at him. "What?" he asked, blushing, at being caught staring at Tay.
"Just making sure you were home. You were seriously zoning there bud." Joe told him, before turning and flipping the TV on.
Taylor groaned. "So much for practicing." She looked around the room before zeroing in on JC. "You must be able to work in this madness, where do you go?"
He chuckled. "The front. It's the quietest place here."
She nodded and stood. She stretched, straightening her back out from being hunched over then walked back to the kitchen area.
Everyone in the room turned to look at Lance who was still staring at the spot where she had stood. Justin laughed and slapped Lance upside the head. "Dude, you've got it bad."
Lance came back from dreamland and shook his head. "Sorry. But just…look at her."
They all nodded, some rolling their eyes, some yawning to cover up the grins. He could deny it all he wanted, but they all knew that his attraction to the blonde girl went past her looks and centered more around his need to protect and nurture her.
Taylor sighed as she sat down on one of the couches in front, silence except for the quiet music that the driver was listening to. "Finally….peace and quiet." She said to herself as she grabbed her folder and opened it up to the song JC was dying to get his hands on. "Why does he like this drivel so much?" She cringed as she strummed a few bars and tuned the guitar up a step. She had been working on this song since she was a senior in high school and had first met Tommy, who she had thought was the love of her life before the whole Brianne incident. It was going to be their song, she had told him, but when they broke up, she stopped working on it, picking it up every now and then to change a bar or add a line. She just didn't have the same drive to write a love song as when she first started to work on it.
She strummed the opening and began to sing quietly. She didn't know why she had a yearning desire to finish it lately, all she knew was she dreamed about being loved and comforted every night and those feelings lingered during the day, making her want to finish the song. To have someone who felt like this for her… and her for him, was her dream, the one she knew would never be fulfilled.
JC stood in the doorway and listened to her sing. He knew a hit when he heard one but he couldn't figure out what kept her from finishing the song. Maybe if offered his help… they could finish it together. "That would be a great duet." He spoke up, watching her head raise, her eyes meeting his.
She shrugged. "It's not finished and I doubt it ever will be." She put the music away, pulling out the one she had meant to start work on.
"Why do you say that?" He asked, sitting down at the table across from her.
"All my songs are from my heart… I… I started this one awhile ago and… I just don't have the passion behind it as much as I used to."
"Don't have the inspiration?" He asked softly.
She nodded. "Exactly."
JC laughed. "You don't have to be in love to write a love song, look at some of our stuff, written on a flight to San Francisco or on the bus while we were all fighting or other odd incidents where love didn't factor in at all."
She didn't laugh with him, but just stared at him. "I don't want it to be a lie though. I started it with the best of intentions and I want to finish it with them."
JC sobered up enough to be able to tell that she was serious. "I admire you, you know." He told her.
"What?"
"I admire you. You're dedication and drive to music. I wish I had the same passion to make the words real as you do." He stood up to leave her alone.
"Thank you." She said softly, shocked by the compliment.
He shrugged. "No problem. I mean it." He left the room, leaving her sitting there stunned and thinking about what he had said.
She picked up the guitar and plucked out a few notes but her heart just wasn't in the music anymore. She set the guitar down and rifled through her music till she came across the song again. Re-reading the first stanza and chorus made her smile to herself and remember what it was like to feel the way that was written on the paper. She closed her eyes but instead of seeing Tommy's eyes, a pair of green ones worked their way into her mind's eye. She curled up on the couch, papers scattered around her as she fell asleep, dreaming about her song and the color green.
Lance looked over at JC and they both rolled their eyes over the situation but there wasn't anything they could do. Taylor wasn't paying any attention, she was too busy staring off into space, still hurt that Kat hadn't come to get her or at least have come along. They pulled up next to the buses and Lance jumped out of the van to open the side door for Taylor. JC climbed out of the driver's side, grabbing her bag on his way out. Lance held out his hand and she took it cautiously. "Watch your step" He told her.
"I'm not broken, Lance." She said softly, stepping into the sunlight out of the dark vehicle.
"I know." He said just as softly, although his eyes contradicted his words.
She looked around the parking lot and finally took notice that all the buses were being loaded up. "Time to move on already?" She raised an eyebrow at him, her tone calm, even though inside her insides were churning.
He nodded. "They gave us as much time as they could but apparently we've got a schedule to keep." He shrugged, trying to play it off. He watched her, hoping her face would change to reveal any emotion, but it remained neutral.
She shrugged. "It's a job, guess we have to keep the fans happy, right, no matter the cost?"
He chucked her under the chin, staring directly into her eyes, trying to calm the storm that he knew was going on inside her head. "No worries. Got it."
Her eyes widened in shock at the ease with which he had done that. No one touched her and he seemed to be doing it more frequently and it unnerved her. It wasn't anything overwhelming so much as little gestures, a squeeze of her hand, a quick hug, a chuck under the chin. All within the last few days since she had been admitted into the hospital. She nodded, unable to speak before turning towards her bus, him trailing after her trying to figure out what he had done to silence her so quickly.
"Taylor, wait up." He called out, just as she was about to board her bus.
She turned around to face him, her blonde hair framing her face, her green eyes showing nothing except for a faint glimmer of fear. "What?"
"Are you sure about the sleeping arrangements… if you don't feel comfortable…we have an extra bunk on our…"
She smiled softly, before interrupting him. "I'll be fine, but thanks. Thanks for asking." She walked on board and disappeared down the hall, leaving Lance with the picture of her small smile in his head. He kept staring at the doorway of the bus and didn't realize that someone had walked up behind him until he saw a hand waving in front of his face. He turned and saw Kat smiling at him, one hand clutching the basketball under her arm, the other waving in his face.
"You okay? You looked a little lost there." She said, swiping at her sweaty hair that was falling into her face.
He shook his head to clear away the fragile image of Taylor. "Fine. I'm fine." He turned to walk away but stopped and turned back to the girl. "So why didn’t you pick up Taylor from the hospital? She said, you told her you would." He tried to get the question to come out as if he didn't really care one way or another but it came out biting instead, his wanting to protect Taylor from harm surfacing.
Kat took a step backwards away from the attack. "She's back?"
Lance sneered at her. "Yeah, where else did you think JC and I were heading out earlier? For lunch?"
"I… I was going to…. But… "
"Time got away from you?"
"I guess you could say that. I was honestly going to go after J and I were done…" She trailed off, not able to meet his eyes.
"Right and I'm the Pope. Why did you tell her you would if you had no intentions of going?"
"Where do you get off attacking me like it's any of your business?" She jerked her head up to glare at him.
"It's my business when I end up picking up the pieces of your mess."
"Don't play Mr. Self Righteous with me, buddy…" She pointed a finger into his chest. "You don't have a clue as to what's going on around here."
"Then why don't you "clue" me in, then." He asked her.
"I don't have time."
She turned to leave and board the bus, but Lance grabbed her arm, staying her. "You have plenty of time to go and play basketball with a nineteen year old boy but not enough to sit and talk to me. I don't get you, Kat. Is it the boys' looks? You're tossing aside your friendship with Tay for Justin? What?"
"I don't have to explain myself to you."
"NO, but you have to explain to the blonde that's probably all curled up in her bunk right now why her best friend was out playing BASKETBALL when she was supposed to be picking her up from the hospital!"
Kat shook her head. "We're through here Lance. Let go of me."
"Fine answer me one thing…"
She jerked her arm out of his grasp and turned to face him. "What?"
"What is life like on that bus for her?" He asked softly.
Lance saw what Taylor went through in the few seconds Kat couldn't mask the hurt in her eyes before she closed off. "It's hard. No one talks unless they have to and Dani is always making some snide comment. That one chatters non-stop but Tay and I, we keep to our corners and keep the peace that way."
"Kat, you know her better than anyone… this collapse… could it happen again?"
She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "Tay's gone through a lot over the years. She's a strong individual. I don't think it will…"
"But…"
"But, I don't know Tay anymore. I don't know what's going on inside her head, I don't know her like I used to. I wish to God I did, so I could tell you what you want to hear but I can't. I just can't read her anymore."
"Should she be on that bus, is what I'm asking?"
Kat didn't say anything, she shook her head and climbed on board. "Kat!" He called out.
When she reached the top, she turned to face him. "No, she shouldn't be. I think Dani and I are killing her to be very honest. I think she's dying inside and I can't stop it." Kat whirled around and walked quickly out of his sight as she went farther into the bus, leaving Lance to contemplate what she had said.
JC walked up behind him, not knowing if he should interrupt the younger man's thoughts. After debating, he walked up and tapped him on the shoulder. "You okay?"
Lance turned and sighed. "Yeah… I…"
"Don't sweat the hard stuff. You can't fix everything." JC told him.
"I know, but with her…"
"You want to fix everything. You can't, Lance, you're just one individual. What she's going through… if she wants help, she'll ask, you can't force it."
"I know." Lance sighed again before turning to walk away from the bus.
"But…" JC grinned and held out Taylor's bag. "You can go and give this to her."
Lance shook his head with a small grin. "I can't believe you're giving me an excuse to board the girl's bus…"
"I can't believe you need one." JC returned the grin.
Lance grabbed the bag and turned back to the girl's bus. "Thanks JC."
"No problem. I don't want that girl hurt anymore than you do."
Lance walked up the steps of the bus and looked down the hallway. The bus looked just like theirs but with different colors. He could hear a the music from a video game coming from the back but the silence besides that was deafening. You could literally cut the tension in the air with a knife. "Taylor?" He called out from the front of the bus.
Taylor sat in her bunk, writing in her journal about the past few days when she heard someone call her name. She sighed and rolled over, opening the curtain. "In here." She said softly.
Lance walked down the hall toward the bunks, hunching down next to hers when he got to the open curtain. "Nice place you got here." He smiled at her.
She looked at him incredulously. "Is that why you came over here, to tell me I've got a nice bunk?"
"No, thought you might want your stuff." He said, holding up her bag.
She laughed quietly. "Yeah, having my hair brush and make-up might help things along in the morning, thanks." She reached out to take the overnight bag but stopped when he held it out of reach.
"We don't have a concert tonight and we'll be stopping at a hotel. Why don't you come and hang put with us till we get to the next hotel."
She shook her head. "Nah, I think I'm just going to stay here and be quiet. Catch up on some reading." She reached over and held up the paperback book that was stuck in the crevice between the mattress and the wall.
He set the bag down and grabbed her hands pulling her to a sitting position and half out the bunk. "I'm not going to take NO as an answer. Come on the guys want to make sure for themselves that you're all right. You gave Joey quite the scare, he couldn't sleep last night in fear that you wouldn't come back."
"Now you're trying for the guilt trip." She eyed him carefully.
He looked at her tongue in cheek. "Is it working?"
She sighed. "Lance… I've got a lot of stuff to do…"
"Nothing that can't be brought to our bus and done there. JC, could help you with your music, I listen real well and don't yell. You can play video games with Justin and Joey and Chris are always good for a laugh."
"I don't know…"
He stuck his bottom lip out and pouted, giving her the puppy dog look. "Please…."
She gritted her teeth and glared at him. "That's not going to work."
He stuck his face up into hers. "PLEASE!"
She laughed and shoved him away. "Why do I have this feeling that if I don't say yes, all five of you will bombard OUR bus?" She folded her arms over her chest as she watched him.
"Now there's an idea… hadn't thought of that one. Let me go tell all of them that we'll be traveling over here tonight." He stood up to leave but got dragged down when she grabbed his arm.
"No, you weren't supposed to take… oh never mind. I'll go. Let me get my stuff." She crawled out of the bunk and turned to grab a few things to put in the bag that was already out for her.
Lance looked up when he saw Kat standing in the doorway. He couldn't read her expression, but she flashed him a thumbs up before turning to head back into the lounge.
"I'm ready." She told him, standing up, as she zipped the bag closed.
"Good." He placed his hand on her back and led her to the front of the bus, only to stop cold when someone climbed on.
"Hey Lance, how ya been?" Dani smiled up at him. She looked over his shoulder and saw Taylor, who had frozen in place the minute she had realized who was speaking.
"Fine, Dani. How was your 'vacation'?" He asked her.
"It was Great! Went home and saw Sandy, spent some time lying on the beach, only one fan attack. Overall a nice relaxing trip."
"Good glad you got some down time. Tay, ready?" He turned and held his hand out to her, pleading with his eyes for her to take it and accept some of his strength.
"Taylor, how are you?" Dani gushed, pushing Lance out of the way, before Tay could take his hand.
"Fine. Thanks for asking. How's Sandy?"
"She's good. Asked about you and Kat of course. I told her you were both doing really well and missed her."
"Lying to your own Mom now." Tay asked her quietly. "No wonder she didn't call, did you event ell her where I was?"
"Actually no, I just told her we were on a break and that's why I came home." Dani smirked at her.
"I…" Taylor just shook her head and pushed past her.
"You can't have her Taylor. She's my mother." Dani told her softly.
Taylor turned around to face the other girl. "I don't want her Dani. But it is nice to have someone to talk to every now and then. And for the record, she's not even really your mother you know, she's your step-mother."
"I know that!" Dani spat.
"Just reminding you." Taylor said sweetly before turning and leaving the bus.
Lance just shook his head and turned to follow Taylor, but Dani stopped him. "Where are you two going?"
Lance turned and looked at her disgustedly. "Anywhere that you're not." He climbed off the bus and hurried to catch up with Taylor who was already halfway to his bus.
Taylor climbed the steps hurriedly, boarding the other bus as she tried to fight off the tears that were building up behind her eyes. "Taylor!" She could hear Lance yelling her name behind her as he tried to catch up after being ambushed by Dani but she didn't care. She just wanted a hole to crawl into.
"Taylor?" She looked up and found JC standing there with an apple halfway up to his mouth. "Are you okay? You do realize that you're on the wrong bus?"
She took a deep breath. "Lance invited me over." She didn't say anything else, just walked over and plopped down at the table, putting her head down on her crossed arms.
Lance climbed the stairs as quickly as he could and stopped cold at the scene before him. JC was sitting down at the kitchen table with Taylor, munching on an apple, while telling a funny story from the look on Taylor's face, because she was smiling so wide that the pureness of it wiped the breath from Lance's lungs.
"So…" crunch crunch "This girl gets past security and wanders down the hall, clutching the polaroid camera, unbeknown to any of us right. Our rooms are always at the end of the hall and because we rent the entire floor, we don't usually have to worry about strangers coming into our rooms. Justin and Lance were rooming together, Joey and I shared a room and it was Chris' turn to be by himself."
Lance came out of his stupor just in time to hear what JC was saying. "Oh don't tell her that one." He groaned, slipping in beside Taylor at the table.
"No, continue, please." She asked quickly. "If this is about Lance…" She looked over impishly. "I've got to hear it."
Lance groaned again, then took off where JC left off. "Okay so like JC said, sometimes we leave the doors open, well this time was one of them. I was in the shower and Justin must've left the room for something and left the door open. This girl comes into the room looking for souveneirs. She dug through my and J's bags, taking photos and rummaging through for a souveneir I guess. She finally grabbed a pair of J's boxers and we think was about to leave when I came out of the shower. Both of us stopped dead in our tracks, I was so shocked to see this teenage girl in our room that I lost my hold on the towel. I tried to grab it but not before she got ahold of herself and snapped a picture."
Taylor took one look at his red face and started to laugh. She couldn't stop. She looked over at JC who grinned back at her and before she knew it, he was laughing with her. Lance just shook his head and finished the story. "Security came running when they heard my shout and confiscated everything that she had taken and her camera and film, but the humiliation…." He shook his head again. "Gave that girl a free show I did."
JC looked over at him tongue in cheek. "She's probably a Lance fan for life after that."
Lance grabbed an apple off the counter and threw it at him. "You just wait your turn. It'll happen to you. Or better yet, you just end up flashing the entire audience all the time. I think our wardrobe ladies break your zipper on purpose."
JC smiled. "They probably do, cause they know I'm the better looking out of all of us."
"I don't think so, C." A new voice spoke out. "Everyone knows I'm the best." Justin pushed JC out of the way and slid in beside him.
JC glared at him before sliding over completely. "Make yourself comfortable why don't you?"
Justin laughed. "Don't mind if I do." He turned and looked at everyone seated at the table and his eyes widened slightly when Taylor's presence registered. "Hey chicky boo, what brings you to our neck of the woods?"
She shrugged. "Thought I'd come say HI."
"You with us till we reach the next town?" The bus decided to start up at that point and pull out of the parking lot.
"Guess so." She smiled shyly at him before turning to JC who was still eating his apple. "Know anymore good stories?"
Crunch crunch "Give me a minute…" He told her finishing off his apple in two large bites before tossing the core into the sink for the garbage disposal.
Justin turned and looked at Lance before letting the grin he was holding back surface. "I could tell you some good ones…" he started before Lance cut him off.
"I don't think she needs to hear those, J." Lance told him, giving him a look to silence him.
Justin leaned back in the booth. "Oh, is there something you're holding back Jimmy?" Justin smiled sweetly at him, wiggling his eyebrows up and down to goad him.
"No."
Taylor watched the interplay between the two as if she was watching a tennis match. "You guys are too much. Why haven't you killed each other yet?"
Justin grinned evilly at Lance before turning to Taylor. "To be honest… I don't know. We're like brothers, I guess. Know too much about the other but love the company… and the violence that comes with it, right Lance?" Justin smiled quickly over at him.
"Oh definitely. Wait till I get my hands on you later."
Justin laughed. "Oooh Kinky. Not in front of the lady."
Lance groaned. "Tay, ignore the kid."
Taylor just continued to listen to them in complete fascination. The girls never interacted like this on her bus. Not even when they were getting along. They all had their own choices and paths, sure they would talk and catch up, play the friend parts, but it was almost as if they had never been truly friends in the first place. They reminded her of Kat and her before they had started Dolphin's Cry. Before all the pressure and the glamour had hit their world.
JC watched her as she watched them and was fascinated because he could actually see her mind working. The only other one that he could do that with was Lance. They both, when their walls were down, were completely open with the world, but when the walls were up, completely emotionless it seemed. "Hey Tay…"
She looked up, not wanting to stop watching the two friends bicker back and forth in jest. "Yes…"
"Did you ever finish that one song?" He placed his head in his folded hands and turned his blue eyes on her full force.
She groaned. "What is with you guys and the puppy dog look?"
"We just know that no red-blooded female can resist." Lance told her, placing his head on her shoulder.
She looked down at him shocked and scooted away from his so that his head came off her shoulder before turning back to JC. "What song would that be? I'm working on several."
"The one I want to get my hands on, you know the one."
She sighed before reaching down into her bag and digging around for her music folder. She pulled out the blue folder and placed it on the table. After flipping through a few pieces of paper, she pulled out two sheets and waved it under his nose. "You mean this one?" She smiled at him.
JC caught a few lines of the song while she was waving it around and smiled. "That's it." He reached out to grab it but she put it back in the folder and closed it.
"Nope. No one sees my work till its finished." She smirked at him, before leaning back in the booth.
Justin laughed at the smug look on her face and the shocked look on JC's. "THAT was priceless. Oh man…you're face, C…" Justin laughed so hard that JC finally shoved him out of the booth, where he landed on the floor with a hard thud. That didn't phase Justin any, he just looked up at the people staring down at him, and started laughing again.
Lance rolled his eyes. "He hasn't taken his medication yet today."
Justin stopped laughing long enough to kick Lance. "That's Chris, get it right."
Taylor looked down at Justin's pouting face and laughed along with the rest of the guys. "You guys…" She shook her head. "and on that note, I think I'm going to get some work done." She looked around. "I'm sure one of you has a guitar… could I borrow one that is preferably tuned?"
Lance laughed as JC and Justin both turned to her, looking offended. "Ours are ALWAYS tuned."
She leaned back with a smirk. "Well can I borrow one?"
Justin jumped up. "You can use mine. It's sounds better than C's."
JC glared at him. "Now that's a matter of opinion."
Justin stuck his tongue out before bouncing back to his bunk to get his guitar.
Lance chuckled to himself. "I think this is going to be an interesting few hours."
JC and Taylor turned and looked at him curiously. "Why do you say that?" Taylor asked.
"Cause now Justin can pick on you and leave me alone and I can sit back and watch the show."
Taylor's mouth dropped open in shock as JC coughed, covering his mouth to cover his grin. "Excuse me?" She stuttered.
Lance turned and grinned at her, smiling the one that sends millions of teenage girls into a frenzy. "You heard me."
Her heart stopped beating for a few seconds, before beginning to beat in double time as the full impact of that cocky smile hit her. She shook her head then picked her jaw up and pushed him out of the booth, sending him flying just as Justin bounded back in. "Good thing she wasn't holding the guitar just then I take it." He smiled cheekily.
JC laughed. "She's feeling frisky, J. I'd watch it if I were you." He secretly agreed with Lance though about this trip, but not about Justin and Taylor but the interplay that was going to happen between Taylor and Lance. She wasn't as immune to him as they had all thought in the first place.
Taylor grabbed the guitar from Justin's outstretched hands and walked towards the back lounge.
"Uh, Taylor…I wouldn't…" Justin began before shrugging and sitting down at the table, letting her wander back. "She'll figure out soon enough that back there is NOT the best place to go to play."
Usually the lounge in her bus was always empty so she immediately headed back to the guys', not thinking that there were two more people on this bus. She opened the door and was confronted with two males jumping on the couches screaming at the TV. "POUND HIM!"
"GET HIM!"
"What kind of hold was THAT?"
"WUSS!"
All of a sudden both males groaned and collapsed on the couches. "I can't believe him." Chris stated.
"The Rock totally had that guy, I can't believe he gave up at the end." Joe groaned, rolling onto his stomach, still watching the TV.
Taylor stood wide-eyed in the doorway. The television was blaring as men dressed in spandex suits paraded around a ring before slamming each other into the mat. She couldn't believe they were back here watching wrestling. She hadn't even heard them while she was up front.
Chris looked up right then and caught her standing there. "TAYLOR!" He jumped up, grabbing her in a huge bear hug.
"Uh, Hi Chris." She said, holding the guitar to the side so that it wouldn't get crushed.
"I didn't know you were here. How are you feeling? Any better? Do you need anything?"
She shook her head. "I'm fine but thanks for asking. Lance invited me over so I took him up on it."
Chris eyed her closely before nodding. "Probably a good idea." He pulled her over to the couch and made her sit. "So whatcha doing?"
Joe laughed as he noticed the guitar dangling loosely from her fingertips. "Hey Tay. Looks like she wanted to play, Chris."
Chris began to bounce up and down. "Play for us. I haven't heard you play or sing. Would you?"
She looked around nervously before shrugging. "Why not… you can hear the new song I just finished and give me your opinion on it"
Chris and Joe looked at each other in shock, before leaning back to listen. Taylor strummed a few chords, warming up the guitar while humming a few notes before she began to sing.
You know it only breaks my heart
To see you standing in the dark alone
Waiting there for me to come back
I'm too afraid to show
If it's coming over you
Like it's coming over me
I'm crashing like a tidal wave
That drags me out to sea
And I wanna be with you
And you wanna be with me
I'm crashing like a tidal wave
And I don't wanna be
Stranded, stranded, stranded, stranded
I can only take so much
These tears are turning me to rust
I know you're waiting there for me
To come back
I'm too afraid to show
Chorus
I miss you, I need you
Without you, I'm stranded
I love you, so come back
I'm not afraid to show
Chorus
~Stranded by Plum~
Taylor let the last chord ring through the small room before looking up at her audience. She hadn't noticed Justin, Lance and JC enter the room while she had been playing so she jerked in shock to find five people in the room instead of two. "Oh, Hi." She said, startled.
"Thought you were working, not performing." Justin told her.
She glared at him. "Well someone forgot to tell me the back was occupied."
He smiled and shrugged. "Someone forgot to ask."
"Told you she was feeling punchy." JC spoke up, from where he was slouching in the doorway.
Taylor rolled her eyes. "I'm feeling cranky is what I'm feeling."
All the guys leaned away from her. "Is that like you trying to tell us that you're PMSing?" Chris asked.
Taylor groaned. "That was such a male comment right there that I'm not even going to deem it with an answer."
Lance sat down on the couch and just watched her. He loved to sit and watch her talk and sing, she always got a bit of color in her cheeks and her eyes sparkled with life whenever music was involved. It was a refreshing change after seeing her so lifeless on the floor of the venue hallways when she collapsed and then hooked up to tubes in the hospital.
"Lance?"
He jerked out of the daze to find everyone in the room staring at him. "What?" he asked, blushing, at being caught staring at Tay.
"Just making sure you were home. You were seriously zoning there bud." Joe told him, before turning and flipping the TV on.
Taylor groaned. "So much for practicing." She looked around the room before zeroing in on JC. "You must be able to work in this madness, where do you go?"
He chuckled. "The front. It's the quietest place here."
She nodded and stood. She stretched, straightening her back out from being hunched over then walked back to the kitchen area.
Everyone in the room turned to look at Lance who was still staring at the spot where she had stood. Justin laughed and slapped Lance upside the head. "Dude, you've got it bad."
Lance came back from dreamland and shook his head. "Sorry. But just…look at her."
They all nodded, some rolling their eyes, some yawning to cover up the grins. He could deny it all he wanted, but they all knew that his attraction to the blonde girl went past her looks and centered more around his need to protect and nurture her.
Taylor sighed as she sat down on one of the couches in front, silence except for the quiet music that the driver was listening to. "Finally….peace and quiet." She said to herself as she grabbed her folder and opened it up to the song JC was dying to get his hands on. "Why does he like this drivel so much?" She cringed as she strummed a few bars and tuned the guitar up a step. She had been working on this song since she was a senior in high school and had first met Tommy, who she had thought was the love of her life before the whole Brianne incident. It was going to be their song, she had told him, but when they broke up, she stopped working on it, picking it up every now and then to change a bar or add a line. She just didn't have the same drive to write a love song as when she first started to work on it.
She strummed the opening and began to sing quietly. She didn't know why she had a yearning desire to finish it lately, all she knew was she dreamed about being loved and comforted every night and those feelings lingered during the day, making her want to finish the song. To have someone who felt like this for her… and her for him, was her dream, the one she knew would never be fulfilled.
JC stood in the doorway and listened to her sing. He knew a hit when he heard one but he couldn't figure out what kept her from finishing the song. Maybe if offered his help… they could finish it together. "That would be a great duet." He spoke up, watching her head raise, her eyes meeting his.
She shrugged. "It's not finished and I doubt it ever will be." She put the music away, pulling out the one she had meant to start work on.
"Why do you say that?" He asked, sitting down at the table across from her.
"All my songs are from my heart… I… I started this one awhile ago and… I just don't have the passion behind it as much as I used to."
"Don't have the inspiration?" He asked softly.
She nodded. "Exactly."
JC laughed. "You don't have to be in love to write a love song, look at some of our stuff, written on a flight to San Francisco or on the bus while we were all fighting or other odd incidents where love didn't factor in at all."
She didn't laugh with him, but just stared at him. "I don't want it to be a lie though. I started it with the best of intentions and I want to finish it with them."
JC sobered up enough to be able to tell that she was serious. "I admire you, you know." He told her.
"What?"
"I admire you. You're dedication and drive to music. I wish I had the same passion to make the words real as you do." He stood up to leave her alone.
"Thank you." She said softly, shocked by the compliment.
He shrugged. "No problem. I mean it." He left the room, leaving her sitting there stunned and thinking about what he had said.
She picked up the guitar and plucked out a few notes but her heart just wasn't in the music anymore. She set the guitar down and rifled through her music till she came across the song again. Re-reading the first stanza and chorus made her smile to herself and remember what it was like to feel the way that was written on the paper. She closed her eyes but instead of seeing Tommy's eyes, a pair of green ones worked their way into her mind's eye. She curled up on the couch, papers scattered around her as she fell asleep, dreaming about her song and the color green.