Happiness Is: Chapter 2
Lance sat down on the edge of his bunk and picked up the pile of letters that had been collecting over the course of the past few weeks. It was the first time he had actually wanted to look at them but now he as he held them in his hands, he'd wait for another day off before picking them up again. He sighed. "More 'I love you' letters are all they are anyway." He muttered before tossing the pile into his bunk. He got up to leave but heard a crinkle under his foot. He looked down and saw an opened letter on the floor. He picked it up and sat back down and began to read. "Dear NSYNC…"
When he finished reading, he just sat there staring at it. He looked around the bus but no one was around for him to ask who had sent this. He re-read it and was lost in thought when Justin climbed on and walked toward him to grab his favorite sweatshirt from his bunk.
Justin watched his friend's mouth move as he read the letter for the millionth time it looked like from the creases apparent in the paper. "Lance…"
Lance's head shot up and his eyes widened at being caught reading the letter. "Hey J! What's up?" He forced a smile.
Justin sat down across from him on JC's bunk. "We need to talk."
"About what?" Lance said, not making eye contact.
"About the fact that you don't talk to us unless we force conversation, you're always laying down in your bunk either plugged into your computer or into your head phones, you're quiet and withdrawn…we're worried."
Lance sighed. "I'm just… I don't know. There's just a lot on my mind right now."
"Talk to me. Unload some of it."
"J… I don't know where to start."
"Start with how that letter made you feel." Justin said pointing to the paper in his hand.
Lance shrugged. "It's sad that she feels like this and no one is there to help her."
"What if she's not letting anyone?"
"Then she needs to reach out to people."
"Uh huh and…"
"And…" Lance's eyes widened when he finally figured out what Justin was doing. "J… I'm…I'm upset but not…" He pointed to the letter. "Not to this point."
Justin let out a huge sigh of relief. "I know, but…it's nice to hear. We're all worried, Lance."
"I'm trying. I'm just homesick and… I miss my cat." Lance gave him a small smile.
"Your cat, dude? Why didn't you bring her along?"
Lance shrugged. "The bus isn't a good place to keep her cooped up and… she doesn't like Busta much."
Justin snorted. "I don't like Busta much."
Lance laughed. "No, you don't like the presents he leaves you."
Justin frowned. "Those too."
Lance sighed. "The tour has been only going on for a month and… and I just feel overwhelmed and I'm tired. I miss my apartment, my bed, my TV for god's sake… We only had a month off before we were in Europe and then the tour started right away… I just need some down time."
Justin leaned back against the wall. "Why didn't you say something?"
"Who knows…. Sorry I've been such a loser lately."
Justin shook his head. "It's cool, man, just don't lose it. Talk to us first. We all go through periods like this."
"Where you just want to give it all up, just so you can go back home and sleep."
Justin laughed. "Everyday."
"How do we do this?"
"By remembering why we did it in the first place…. the music."
Lance nodded. He looked down at the letter again, memorizing the writing, the dolphin stationary and blue envelope. "Do you know who wrote this?"
Justin shook his head. "Nope. Curious? We all are."
Lance looked at the letter and felt himself drawn to the writer. "Yeah. I… I want to help her."
"We all do. There isn't a return address though. We're hoping she'll write again."
"Yeah… you mind if I keep this?"
"No, go ahead." Justin looked at him puzzled.
"I just relate to a lot of what she's feeling. Maybe by reading this and knowing someone is worse off, it'll kick my butt into gear not to get this bad."
"Whatever works. We're here for you."
"I know. Thanks for asking."
"Got sick of seeing you mope around here, wanna play some ball?"
Lance thought about declining but changed his mind. "Yeah, I'm sick of my bunk. I think it's my turn to win anyway."
Justin grabbed the ball from his bunk. "Like you ever do…"
Lance grabbed the ball. "I've been practicing. I'm going to take you down, fro boy."
"Big words coming from the albino." Justin shot back, grinning, glad his friend was trying to get back to being normal.
~*~
"What are you doing?"
Taylor looked up to find Kat standing in the doorway of the lounge, with her hands on her hips.
"I'm writing. Why?"
"Just curious." She came in and flopped onto the couch of the studio.
Taylor focused back on the piece of paper before her, but glared at Kat, who was trying to inconspicuously look at what she was writing. "What?"
Kat leaned forward, eagerly. "Is that a new song?"
Taylor sighed. "Yes it is and no you can't see it. You know that, not until I'm finished and got it all down on paper."
Kat sighed. "I know but…you've been writing so frequently lately, I thought that, maybe…"
"Nope." She shook her head. "Not till its finished."
"Fine. Where's Dani?"
Taylor shrugged. "Dunno. I've been here since we stopped."
Kat stood up and stretched. "Studio time in fifteen you know."
Taylor nodded but she was focused back on the words that were flowing through her head. She didn't notice Dani stick her head through the doorway or the grin that Kat and Dani shot each other before sneaking out of the room.
She began to hum the tune, trying to get the words to match up with the line. "Gonna Be By Your Side, I'm Gonna Be Loving You Forever, And Everyday of My life…" She smiled to herself as the bridge came together. "That's When I'll Stop Loving You…."
"Oh sorry. Didn't know anyone was in here." A voice broke her concentration.
She looked up and found JC in the doorway. "No problem. I was on my way out anyway." She grabbed her papers and got up to leave, but in her hurry, she dropped the pile.
He bent down to help her pick up the sheets and glanced at the neat writing. "You're writing a song?"
She recoiled visibly. "I write all our music, except the cover songs we do."
He began to hum the tune and his eyes widened at the tone. "This is good. Where are the lyrics?"
She shrugged. "They aren't hammered out yet but…" She shoved a couple pieces at him.
He began to sing and his eyes widened even more. "You're going to use this aren't you… I mean if you aren't… I'd love to…"
She grabbed the music back. "I use everything. Plus, it's private. I've got to go record."
JC watched her walk off, back ramrod straight. "Good one, Chasez. I think you struck a sore spot."
Taylor slammed into the recording booth and dropped her portfolio off. How Dare He! If I wasn't going to use the music! What was I just going to give it to him?! I don't think so!
"Taylor! Nice of you to join us."
"Sorry, Dave. I was writing and…"
"No worries. Can you lay down the drum part and then we'll move to the background vocals."
She nodded and moved into the booth. That's my music, MY MUSIC.
~*~
"Hey Lance, what time is it?" Justin called out, wiping his face off with a towel. He had beaten Lance two out of the three games that they'd played. Lance making a lucky shot to win the last game.
Lance looked down at his watch. "Four. Why?"
He watched Justin's eyes widen and take off for the buses. "What's going on?"
"Dolphin's Cry is in the studio and I want to see Kat."
Lance rolled his eyes. "Of course. Want me to come with you so you don't make a fool out of yourself?"
Justin yelled back. "Please!"
Lance laughed and grabbed his stuff and headed for the bus after Justin.
They got cleaned up and convinced Lonny to take them over there and found JC in one of the mixing rooms, working on Wild Orchid's new song. "Hey Jace, seen any good looking red heads around?" Justin asked, poking his head into the room.
He pointed down the hall without looking up and Justin laughed and headed down the hall with Lance in tow, both carrying the magazines. "I can't believe Joey is missing out on this." Justin muttered.
"He's smart." Lance said.
Justin eyed him. "I'm about ready to tell you that I liked you better when you were quit…" His eyes widened as they rounded the corner.
Lance smacked him. "She's a person, J. Not an object to be put up on a pedestal. You should know that."
"I know…" He finally breathed out.
Kat and Dani were standing outside the booth, watching Taylor nail her solo on the first try. Kat saw movement out of the corner of her eye, and saw the boys standing there. She nudged Dani before turning to face them.
"If it isn't the dynamic duo… what brings you to our neck of the woods?" She leaned against the glass, her arms crossed on her chest.
Justin stared at the two women and was at a loss of words at what to say.
Lance shook his head at his friend and nudged him before turning to the girls. "We bought a few magazines with your cover story and was wondering if you'd autograph them for us."
Dani and Kat looked at each other and cracked up. "YOU…. want US…. to autograph something. That's funny."
"Why?" Lance asked.
"Because…you're NSYNC." Dani managed to get out.
Justin shrugged. "And your point would be…."
Dani stopped laughing. "I…no point I guess."
Kat eyed the young men. "If you guys are serious about this, we'd be…"
Joey came sprinting around the corner. "Did I miss them, J? Did you get to talk to Kat yet?"
He skidded to a halt when he saw the four people standing there. Two with shocked expressions and two with "You're going to die' expressions.
"Whoops…."
"JOEY!" Justin yelled at him.
"Justin! Grow up. I'm not interested." Kat yelled and stomped off.
Dani smiled and hurried after Kat, while Lance looked between his groupmates and started to laugh.
Justin and Joey both stared at him like he had lost his mind. Justin grabbed the magazines and left with Joey trailing after him, trying to apologize. Lance leaned against the wall and shook his head, staring up at the ceiling. "Who would've thought that Justin of all people would get star struck and try anything and everything to be with that person? It's comical considering how much he complains about his fans who do the same thing?"
"Who are you talking to?" A voice from down the hall asked him.
He looked up and saw Taylor standing there, having just walked out of the booth.
"Myself. I do that sometimes."
She nodded, effectively ending all communication, till she turned back to him. "Where did Kat and Dani go? They're needed in here."
"Justin scared Kat off and Dani went after her."
"Oh." She smiled. "Will that boy ever get over her?"
Lance's eyes widened at the picture that she made when she smiled. She's gorgeous. He shook his head. "Probably not."
"Well at least it makes life interesting. Which way did they go?"
He pointed down the hall. She started to walk in the direction that he pointed when his voice stopped her. "What do you have against us?"
She stopped and turned to look at him. "Why do you automatically assume that we have something against you because we don't fawn all over you guys and want to become immediate friends?"
Lance's jaw dropped in shock at the statement. "I…"
She nodded. "Exactly. We have nothing against you guys. We just don't choose to be around you. Later."
"Why?" He managed to get out.
She sighed. "Why?" She shrugged. "No real reason. Just…"
"There has to be a reason."
Her eyes narrowed. "You're pushy. I don't like that."
"Too bad." Lance stated, actually starting to enjoy the rapport between them. "Why?"
"What is it with you guys?" Taylor said, beginning to lose her temper. "Can't you get a clue? We want nothing to do with you, yet you still push. JC wants my music, you want me to talk, Chris wants someone to joke with, Joey want anything female, and Justin wants Kat. We're not going to accommodate you so get over yourselves."
She whirled around and practically ran down the hall, looking for Kat and Dani.
Lance shook his head and smiled. She dodged that question well. Wonder what she's hiding? That'll give me something to do this tour…something to keep my mind off of things and something to look forward to.
~*~
"Chris get off of me!" Justin cried out from beneath the older man.
"Teach you to accuse me of cheating." Chris laughed from his perch on Justin's back.
"Guys… I'm trying to work here." JC called out from his spot on the couch as he fine- tuned some last minute changes to the song he was working on.
"JC, when you get your stick out of your ass….call me." Chris told him before turning back to Justin.
JC's head shot up. "Excuse me?"
"You heard me."
"No, I don't think I heard you right."
Joey stuck his head in the lounge. "He said… "When you get your stick out of…"
JC rolled his eyes. "I heard him Joe, but thanks for the repeat insult."
"No prob, man. Where we headed now?"
Lance pushed Joey out of the way and walked to the couch and plopped down. "I think it's Indiana… but could be Tennessee. I'm not sure."
Chris fell of Justin in shock. "He speaks!"
Lance rolled his eyes. "Yeah, thanks for the update, Einstein."
"Aren't we all a bunch of happy campers tonight." Joe said and sat on the floor, picking up the controller that Justin had dropped.
JC looked up from his piece of paper. "I think we're just tired, its been a long day, what with the concert last night and then studio time all day today."
Lance rolled his head around until he felt his neck pop and sighed. "Yeah…"
"You okay, little buddy." Chris asked, sitting next to him.
"I'm doing better. Thanks for asking, Chris."
"That's what friends are for."
Joey laughed and began to sing. "That's What Friends Are for… the good times…the bad times… I'll…"
smack
Four pillows simultaneously hit him at once. "What'd I do?"
Lance looked around the room and smiled. He'd definitely missed this when he's been holed up in his bunk. His thoughts returned to the letter and he couldn't resist asking.
"Has anyone received anymore letters from that one girl?"
The entire room grew silent. JC shook his head. "Not to my knowledge. But then again, we haven't checked our mail for about a week either."
Justin sighed and ran a hand through his curls. "Yeah… how long ago did we receive that?"
"A couple weeks." Chris said.
"Think she's…" Joey asked.
Lance leaned back on the couch and closed his eyes. "I don't think so. I think she's hurting but she's all right for now."
Chris looked over at him. "I was just going to say that."
"Sorry." Lance grinned ruefully.
Justin looked at his hands, before looking back at the guys. "I hope we hear from her soon. I'd like to know that she's fine, hopefully even better."
They all nodded before growing silent, then returning to what they were doing before, not wanting to really think about what the girl could've done or was thinking of doing at that exact moment.
~*~
She sat in the back of their bus and sighed. Today had been one of the worst days for her and she couldn't figure out why. She had come so close to collapsing under the pressure, but she had smiled and held herself up. No one had asked about her sudden mood swings, which she was thankful for. She just wanted to go and crawl into a hole and sleep for a week, but she knew that wouldn't happen anytime soon. The tour was really kicking off now and as Dolphin's Cry grew in popularity, the less sleep and time to herself she was going to get. She just hoped she'd be able to bear up under the pressure, otherwise she'd break.
"You okay, doll?"
She looked up at her groupmate and smiled. "I'm good to go."
"We're almost at the next town. Won't it be nice to sleep in an actual bed?"
She nodded. "Definitely."
The other girl turned and stared at her. "Are you sure, that you’re okay?"
She knew her eyes had clouded over in pain, but she smiled anyway. "I'm just tired. Just need a good sleep."
"You'd come to me and talk if you weren't, wouldn't you?"
She turned her face away and stared at the paper in front of her. "If something was wrong, you know I'd come to you in a heartbeat."
"I hope so, doll. I'm going to go and call my mom and let her know it went in the studio today."
She nodded and focused on the words in front of her, no longer listening to her speak.
Grinning hurts my face more and more. Looking people in the eyes hurts because I'm always afraid that they'll see the pain and pity me. I'm not an object to be pitied. I'm just... I'm in pain. I know I am, but it hurts even more when I see that look on people's faces when I say I'm feeling depressed. It's hard to describe, but its always that Oh I'm so sorry expression that makes you want to go and crawl into your hole even more. I feel so alone, like no one can understand what is on my mind or could even begin to grasp the thoughts that run rampant through my head. The girls are there for me. I know in my heart that they are, but then my mind changes things to fit the pain and I end up pushing them away because I don't think they would understand or be able to comprehend what I'm going through. I hurt so much, every time I look at someone smiling, a couple holding hands, or a mother kissing her child, my heart and head hurts and I have to get away. I don't feel a part of this world anymore…. I feel like I'm on another plane of existence and I don't know how to return to the land of the living. I fake every smile, laugh, and movement now and…
She stuck the piece of paper into her notebook and headed to her bunk to grab her stuff as she felt the bus stop at the hotel. Tomorrow was another day, maybe it would be the day when she could look at the sun and see happiness instead of wishing that it would go away so that the moon would come out and match her mood.
When he finished reading, he just sat there staring at it. He looked around the bus but no one was around for him to ask who had sent this. He re-read it and was lost in thought when Justin climbed on and walked toward him to grab his favorite sweatshirt from his bunk.
Justin watched his friend's mouth move as he read the letter for the millionth time it looked like from the creases apparent in the paper. "Lance…"
Lance's head shot up and his eyes widened at being caught reading the letter. "Hey J! What's up?" He forced a smile.
Justin sat down across from him on JC's bunk. "We need to talk."
"About what?" Lance said, not making eye contact.
"About the fact that you don't talk to us unless we force conversation, you're always laying down in your bunk either plugged into your computer or into your head phones, you're quiet and withdrawn…we're worried."
Lance sighed. "I'm just… I don't know. There's just a lot on my mind right now."
"Talk to me. Unload some of it."
"J… I don't know where to start."
"Start with how that letter made you feel." Justin said pointing to the paper in his hand.
Lance shrugged. "It's sad that she feels like this and no one is there to help her."
"What if she's not letting anyone?"
"Then she needs to reach out to people."
"Uh huh and…"
"And…" Lance's eyes widened when he finally figured out what Justin was doing. "J… I'm…I'm upset but not…" He pointed to the letter. "Not to this point."
Justin let out a huge sigh of relief. "I know, but…it's nice to hear. We're all worried, Lance."
"I'm trying. I'm just homesick and… I miss my cat." Lance gave him a small smile.
"Your cat, dude? Why didn't you bring her along?"
Lance shrugged. "The bus isn't a good place to keep her cooped up and… she doesn't like Busta much."
Justin snorted. "I don't like Busta much."
Lance laughed. "No, you don't like the presents he leaves you."
Justin frowned. "Those too."
Lance sighed. "The tour has been only going on for a month and… and I just feel overwhelmed and I'm tired. I miss my apartment, my bed, my TV for god's sake… We only had a month off before we were in Europe and then the tour started right away… I just need some down time."
Justin leaned back against the wall. "Why didn't you say something?"
"Who knows…. Sorry I've been such a loser lately."
Justin shook his head. "It's cool, man, just don't lose it. Talk to us first. We all go through periods like this."
"Where you just want to give it all up, just so you can go back home and sleep."
Justin laughed. "Everyday."
"How do we do this?"
"By remembering why we did it in the first place…. the music."
Lance nodded. He looked down at the letter again, memorizing the writing, the dolphin stationary and blue envelope. "Do you know who wrote this?"
Justin shook his head. "Nope. Curious? We all are."
Lance looked at the letter and felt himself drawn to the writer. "Yeah. I… I want to help her."
"We all do. There isn't a return address though. We're hoping she'll write again."
"Yeah… you mind if I keep this?"
"No, go ahead." Justin looked at him puzzled.
"I just relate to a lot of what she's feeling. Maybe by reading this and knowing someone is worse off, it'll kick my butt into gear not to get this bad."
"Whatever works. We're here for you."
"I know. Thanks for asking."
"Got sick of seeing you mope around here, wanna play some ball?"
Lance thought about declining but changed his mind. "Yeah, I'm sick of my bunk. I think it's my turn to win anyway."
Justin grabbed the ball from his bunk. "Like you ever do…"
Lance grabbed the ball. "I've been practicing. I'm going to take you down, fro boy."
"Big words coming from the albino." Justin shot back, grinning, glad his friend was trying to get back to being normal.
~*~
"What are you doing?"
Taylor looked up to find Kat standing in the doorway of the lounge, with her hands on her hips.
"I'm writing. Why?"
"Just curious." She came in and flopped onto the couch of the studio.
Taylor focused back on the piece of paper before her, but glared at Kat, who was trying to inconspicuously look at what she was writing. "What?"
Kat leaned forward, eagerly. "Is that a new song?"
Taylor sighed. "Yes it is and no you can't see it. You know that, not until I'm finished and got it all down on paper."
Kat sighed. "I know but…you've been writing so frequently lately, I thought that, maybe…"
"Nope." She shook her head. "Not till its finished."
"Fine. Where's Dani?"
Taylor shrugged. "Dunno. I've been here since we stopped."
Kat stood up and stretched. "Studio time in fifteen you know."
Taylor nodded but she was focused back on the words that were flowing through her head. She didn't notice Dani stick her head through the doorway or the grin that Kat and Dani shot each other before sneaking out of the room.
She began to hum the tune, trying to get the words to match up with the line. "Gonna Be By Your Side, I'm Gonna Be Loving You Forever, And Everyday of My life…" She smiled to herself as the bridge came together. "That's When I'll Stop Loving You…."
"Oh sorry. Didn't know anyone was in here." A voice broke her concentration.
She looked up and found JC in the doorway. "No problem. I was on my way out anyway." She grabbed her papers and got up to leave, but in her hurry, she dropped the pile.
He bent down to help her pick up the sheets and glanced at the neat writing. "You're writing a song?"
She recoiled visibly. "I write all our music, except the cover songs we do."
He began to hum the tune and his eyes widened at the tone. "This is good. Where are the lyrics?"
She shrugged. "They aren't hammered out yet but…" She shoved a couple pieces at him.
He began to sing and his eyes widened even more. "You're going to use this aren't you… I mean if you aren't… I'd love to…"
She grabbed the music back. "I use everything. Plus, it's private. I've got to go record."
JC watched her walk off, back ramrod straight. "Good one, Chasez. I think you struck a sore spot."
Taylor slammed into the recording booth and dropped her portfolio off. How Dare He! If I wasn't going to use the music! What was I just going to give it to him?! I don't think so!
"Taylor! Nice of you to join us."
"Sorry, Dave. I was writing and…"
"No worries. Can you lay down the drum part and then we'll move to the background vocals."
She nodded and moved into the booth. That's my music, MY MUSIC.
~*~
"Hey Lance, what time is it?" Justin called out, wiping his face off with a towel. He had beaten Lance two out of the three games that they'd played. Lance making a lucky shot to win the last game.
Lance looked down at his watch. "Four. Why?"
He watched Justin's eyes widen and take off for the buses. "What's going on?"
"Dolphin's Cry is in the studio and I want to see Kat."
Lance rolled his eyes. "Of course. Want me to come with you so you don't make a fool out of yourself?"
Justin yelled back. "Please!"
Lance laughed and grabbed his stuff and headed for the bus after Justin.
They got cleaned up and convinced Lonny to take them over there and found JC in one of the mixing rooms, working on Wild Orchid's new song. "Hey Jace, seen any good looking red heads around?" Justin asked, poking his head into the room.
He pointed down the hall without looking up and Justin laughed and headed down the hall with Lance in tow, both carrying the magazines. "I can't believe Joey is missing out on this." Justin muttered.
"He's smart." Lance said.
Justin eyed him. "I'm about ready to tell you that I liked you better when you were quit…" His eyes widened as they rounded the corner.
Lance smacked him. "She's a person, J. Not an object to be put up on a pedestal. You should know that."
"I know…" He finally breathed out.
Kat and Dani were standing outside the booth, watching Taylor nail her solo on the first try. Kat saw movement out of the corner of her eye, and saw the boys standing there. She nudged Dani before turning to face them.
"If it isn't the dynamic duo… what brings you to our neck of the woods?" She leaned against the glass, her arms crossed on her chest.
Justin stared at the two women and was at a loss of words at what to say.
Lance shook his head at his friend and nudged him before turning to the girls. "We bought a few magazines with your cover story and was wondering if you'd autograph them for us."
Dani and Kat looked at each other and cracked up. "YOU…. want US…. to autograph something. That's funny."
"Why?" Lance asked.
"Because…you're NSYNC." Dani managed to get out.
Justin shrugged. "And your point would be…."
Dani stopped laughing. "I…no point I guess."
Kat eyed the young men. "If you guys are serious about this, we'd be…"
Joey came sprinting around the corner. "Did I miss them, J? Did you get to talk to Kat yet?"
He skidded to a halt when he saw the four people standing there. Two with shocked expressions and two with "You're going to die' expressions.
"Whoops…."
"JOEY!" Justin yelled at him.
"Justin! Grow up. I'm not interested." Kat yelled and stomped off.
Dani smiled and hurried after Kat, while Lance looked between his groupmates and started to laugh.
Justin and Joey both stared at him like he had lost his mind. Justin grabbed the magazines and left with Joey trailing after him, trying to apologize. Lance leaned against the wall and shook his head, staring up at the ceiling. "Who would've thought that Justin of all people would get star struck and try anything and everything to be with that person? It's comical considering how much he complains about his fans who do the same thing?"
"Who are you talking to?" A voice from down the hall asked him.
He looked up and saw Taylor standing there, having just walked out of the booth.
"Myself. I do that sometimes."
She nodded, effectively ending all communication, till she turned back to him. "Where did Kat and Dani go? They're needed in here."
"Justin scared Kat off and Dani went after her."
"Oh." She smiled. "Will that boy ever get over her?"
Lance's eyes widened at the picture that she made when she smiled. She's gorgeous. He shook his head. "Probably not."
"Well at least it makes life interesting. Which way did they go?"
He pointed down the hall. She started to walk in the direction that he pointed when his voice stopped her. "What do you have against us?"
She stopped and turned to look at him. "Why do you automatically assume that we have something against you because we don't fawn all over you guys and want to become immediate friends?"
Lance's jaw dropped in shock at the statement. "I…"
She nodded. "Exactly. We have nothing against you guys. We just don't choose to be around you. Later."
"Why?" He managed to get out.
She sighed. "Why?" She shrugged. "No real reason. Just…"
"There has to be a reason."
Her eyes narrowed. "You're pushy. I don't like that."
"Too bad." Lance stated, actually starting to enjoy the rapport between them. "Why?"
"What is it with you guys?" Taylor said, beginning to lose her temper. "Can't you get a clue? We want nothing to do with you, yet you still push. JC wants my music, you want me to talk, Chris wants someone to joke with, Joey want anything female, and Justin wants Kat. We're not going to accommodate you so get over yourselves."
She whirled around and practically ran down the hall, looking for Kat and Dani.
Lance shook his head and smiled. She dodged that question well. Wonder what she's hiding? That'll give me something to do this tour…something to keep my mind off of things and something to look forward to.
~*~
"Chris get off of me!" Justin cried out from beneath the older man.
"Teach you to accuse me of cheating." Chris laughed from his perch on Justin's back.
"Guys… I'm trying to work here." JC called out from his spot on the couch as he fine- tuned some last minute changes to the song he was working on.
"JC, when you get your stick out of your ass….call me." Chris told him before turning back to Justin.
JC's head shot up. "Excuse me?"
"You heard me."
"No, I don't think I heard you right."
Joey stuck his head in the lounge. "He said… "When you get your stick out of…"
JC rolled his eyes. "I heard him Joe, but thanks for the repeat insult."
"No prob, man. Where we headed now?"
Lance pushed Joey out of the way and walked to the couch and plopped down. "I think it's Indiana… but could be Tennessee. I'm not sure."
Chris fell of Justin in shock. "He speaks!"
Lance rolled his eyes. "Yeah, thanks for the update, Einstein."
"Aren't we all a bunch of happy campers tonight." Joe said and sat on the floor, picking up the controller that Justin had dropped.
JC looked up from his piece of paper. "I think we're just tired, its been a long day, what with the concert last night and then studio time all day today."
Lance rolled his head around until he felt his neck pop and sighed. "Yeah…"
"You okay, little buddy." Chris asked, sitting next to him.
"I'm doing better. Thanks for asking, Chris."
"That's what friends are for."
Joey laughed and began to sing. "That's What Friends Are for… the good times…the bad times… I'll…"
smack
Four pillows simultaneously hit him at once. "What'd I do?"
Lance looked around the room and smiled. He'd definitely missed this when he's been holed up in his bunk. His thoughts returned to the letter and he couldn't resist asking.
"Has anyone received anymore letters from that one girl?"
The entire room grew silent. JC shook his head. "Not to my knowledge. But then again, we haven't checked our mail for about a week either."
Justin sighed and ran a hand through his curls. "Yeah… how long ago did we receive that?"
"A couple weeks." Chris said.
"Think she's…" Joey asked.
Lance leaned back on the couch and closed his eyes. "I don't think so. I think she's hurting but she's all right for now."
Chris looked over at him. "I was just going to say that."
"Sorry." Lance grinned ruefully.
Justin looked at his hands, before looking back at the guys. "I hope we hear from her soon. I'd like to know that she's fine, hopefully even better."
They all nodded before growing silent, then returning to what they were doing before, not wanting to really think about what the girl could've done or was thinking of doing at that exact moment.
~*~
She sat in the back of their bus and sighed. Today had been one of the worst days for her and she couldn't figure out why. She had come so close to collapsing under the pressure, but she had smiled and held herself up. No one had asked about her sudden mood swings, which she was thankful for. She just wanted to go and crawl into a hole and sleep for a week, but she knew that wouldn't happen anytime soon. The tour was really kicking off now and as Dolphin's Cry grew in popularity, the less sleep and time to herself she was going to get. She just hoped she'd be able to bear up under the pressure, otherwise she'd break.
"You okay, doll?"
She looked up at her groupmate and smiled. "I'm good to go."
"We're almost at the next town. Won't it be nice to sleep in an actual bed?"
She nodded. "Definitely."
The other girl turned and stared at her. "Are you sure, that you’re okay?"
She knew her eyes had clouded over in pain, but she smiled anyway. "I'm just tired. Just need a good sleep."
"You'd come to me and talk if you weren't, wouldn't you?"
She turned her face away and stared at the paper in front of her. "If something was wrong, you know I'd come to you in a heartbeat."
"I hope so, doll. I'm going to go and call my mom and let her know it went in the studio today."
She nodded and focused on the words in front of her, no longer listening to her speak.
Grinning hurts my face more and more. Looking people in the eyes hurts because I'm always afraid that they'll see the pain and pity me. I'm not an object to be pitied. I'm just... I'm in pain. I know I am, but it hurts even more when I see that look on people's faces when I say I'm feeling depressed. It's hard to describe, but its always that Oh I'm so sorry expression that makes you want to go and crawl into your hole even more. I feel so alone, like no one can understand what is on my mind or could even begin to grasp the thoughts that run rampant through my head. The girls are there for me. I know in my heart that they are, but then my mind changes things to fit the pain and I end up pushing them away because I don't think they would understand or be able to comprehend what I'm going through. I hurt so much, every time I look at someone smiling, a couple holding hands, or a mother kissing her child, my heart and head hurts and I have to get away. I don't feel a part of this world anymore…. I feel like I'm on another plane of existence and I don't know how to return to the land of the living. I fake every smile, laugh, and movement now and…
She stuck the piece of paper into her notebook and headed to her bunk to grab her stuff as she felt the bus stop at the hotel. Tomorrow was another day, maybe it would be the day when she could look at the sun and see happiness instead of wishing that it would go away so that the moon would come out and match her mood.