Looks to me like..
I have a job. I'm getting like 50ish bucks every time i work in tips, which is REALLY nice to have. I'm at that point again where all my anger and stress that i try really hard to compress is about to explode in a bad way. I feel it in my chest, i very well may flip out soon, and i honestly don't know if i will be alright this time.. I got drunk today. Bad idea on my part. I drank a half pint of Jim Beam to myself. Stupid. I feel so so so dumb after that. I don't need to drink. I don't need to smoke. I don't need to take pills, i can't do ANY of that. It doesn't mix well with my emotions. I am doing old STUPID things again.. I tried getting better, for the most part it worked. Now... Its back. AWESOME. No, this is not okay with me at all. I'm not okay with this. I'm EXTERMELY disappointed in myself. More than anyone will understand. I really need to vent. But i have no idea how. I don't talk to people, i never ever have talked to people about things that REALLY upset me. I never thought anyone care. I know Shane does. He says thats what he is here for and i have to let him in so he can understand me better, but i honestly don't know how to let him in. I've never let anyone in. Not even my dearest friends or even matt. NO ONE. But i need to, so i will..