(no subject)

[sammy625]

I wish I could just sink into the floor right now and die.

I've choked on tears this whole night. Now that I am finally crying I remind myself of a failure. I am one.

I want to see my psychologist. I need to talk to someone, anyone.

I'm so sick of being sad and hiding it, pretending like everything is okay, because it's NOT EVEN CLOSE. I'm so sick of living in this deep depression, getting sucked in and never being able to escape. I've seen the light, but I've failed to reach it repeatedly. I've failed.

I don't feel sorry for myself right now.

I wish I could rely on myself to make me happy.

I wish that I believed in myself.

I wish I could have people around me who are proud of me (namely my parents).

I wish someone loved me and would just give me a hug. That's all I need.

I wish I wasn't even born. I took another person's valuable life here on Earth.

I'm sure God is somewhere shaking his head, and I'm sorry for that. I don't know what else to say, I can't take it back though because this is how I feel and I can't deny that.

I truly just hate myself.

I'm sorry.

But I have failed,

And failed,

And failed,

And now my depression is a circle in which I am stuck in.

And these tears are so familiar to my face, it only feels natural.