this might be a long one
there are some things that are on my mind right now, and since i have no one to talk to, ill write them in here.
dance
i dont even enjoy it anymore. technique is more a chore than it is fun. then team practice is dumb. we always do open wall, and we dont dance, or we do it like twice then we sit there and liten to the other team get all the fix's. we need more help then they do. i mean were good, but were more indivudal, we dont dance as a team. and im starting to get mad. its such a waste of my life to go there and see no one but mabye three people care. so why even go? exactly. thank god our last competition is this weekend. cuz after recitals, usualy ppl start to care for nationals. soo well see if we can somehow pull off at least a high-gold as the nxt competition. then ballet, i love morgan, and megan, and mrs. camielle. so i guess its okay, i dont do liek ne thing but screw around, but i have the dance, so its okay. i dont even mind that the rest of the girls suck. there is liek a handful of us that can dance, but everyone else pretty much SUCKS. and i dont care, its fun. and its not for competition, so idont care. fanalie seems to be comming along nicely, everyone for some reason loves that dance always. and i think well do good at nationals w/that one. but over all, dance is becomming a waste of my life.
hockey
the boys are AMAZING. i dont think there could have been a better bunch of boys picked for a team. they are physically amazing at hockey. the checks. the slapshots. the wristshots. the backhands. the passing. the goalies. all AMAZING. it is about the only thing i look foreward to now. parker is not so good this season, i think its cuz hes scared to get checked, and its okay, but im sad cuz i cant watch him ne more w/out being mad. and codesteRr has his ups and downs. the tournament last weekend was sooo sweet. it made my wholee life lately be better. even if we lost the last game, we won all the other ones, and really we should have tied, and went into an overtime, but the reffs were being lazy. but hey, cant win them all.
school
i cant even bring myself to have any motovation whatsoever outside of school. i cant study. i dont do homework. i do it all in like first hour the next day, or fourth hour depending on what class i have h/w in. i hate school. i hate waking up. i hate sitting there staring off into space pretending im paying attention. and i HATE mr. dulac. BORING. i dont even enjoy mr. ruths class ne more. the only class i like is chem cuz i have amzing boys in it. school can suck me. i feel liek it should be voer and thre is still a whole half of a quarter to go. 30 more days. 30 more days. Thank God.
friends
i dont have many real friends anymore. i dont hang out w/like anyone from dakota. like i think im close with people.. but im not. jeska and me talk all the time in school and were twins and all, but we never hang out. i know shes busy w/track, but i miss how we used to be lst year. i miss all the ppl i used to be close w/freshmen year from gym. amanda, nicole, lisa, nicole, lauren, amanda and ne one else i forgot. i only hang out with lanse cruise people now, its kinda sad. i have lizzy, she is seriously sweeettt. i dont know what i would do w/out her. and i miss amanda kinda. we havent hung out our "usual" in a while. we need to sooon.
the whole brother issue
this is what has been bugging me the most. teej not living at home ne more is driving me crazy. not only did i lose him comming home every day, i lost my best friend. hes not just my "step brother" hes also my best friend. i miss how he used to come home and take over my room. he doesnt call me every night ne more, i barely talk to him, and NEVER see him. i hate it. it sucks times a million. todd took his key away, and took the key-pad off the garage door so he isnt even allowed in the house. fjsdktjsdjfkdjskf. its so hard on ME. i have no one at that house ne more, it sucks big time. =[
lindz
lindsay rae is amazing. i dont know what i would do without her. i have never had a best friend liek her. like the connection w/us was instant. the first time we hung out, we had a sleepover, it was so sweet. i have so much fun w/her, we never fight, were always soo gay w/each other, were never bored, we think the same, feel the same, its like soo amazing to have her as my best friend. i havent hung out w/her for a while, and yet i still feel like it was jsut yesterday that i saw her. you know how w/some people you feel like when you dont hang out w/them for a while you dont know them ne more? well i feel just as close w/lindz now as i ever did. it doesnt change. and i Love it times so much. she is truely my best friend
mikey
best boy in the world. i am truely in love w/him. im not sure if its emotionally, or if im in love w/being so close to him, but there is definantly a LOT of love there for him. ive never been closer w/a boy. i feel soo close and comfortable with him. i can be dumb and stupid and he still lovess me just the same. weve been through going out, breaking up, best friends, everything, and were still sweet as heck. hes so fun to spend time with, and we dont just sit on my couch and watch movies. we play outside, we play video games, we go swimming, we go on adventures to places, we play koosh-ball catch, we listen to music, we talk, we play b-ball, its just so sweettt. i can tell him ne thing, and be just me and i dont ever feel like he wont like me for it. if you ever find someone like this, even as a friend, dont let them go. cuz having him for a friend is the most amazing thing ever.
family
i think i have the best family around. my dad and me are so close. my step-mom and me are really clost. codesteRr and me are really close. my mom and me are really close. im close w/all my cuzins, and my aunts and uncles, and grandparents. todd and evan are the only ones who it changes with the day of the week. but with all those other people, i dont even need them.
personal issues
i think about things too much. i dont just let things happen. i make too much stress over little things. steve magar is so right. if only i could follow his advice and id be like perfect. he is a smartt kid. he knows a lot, i love talking to him. i kinda need a good steve magar talk right about now actually. and this whole joey thing. i know it was only like a month that we hung out and did the whole kissing holding hands thing, but it makes me mad when ppl tell me that they wanna be togehter and make things work and they were NOT w/a freshmen, then like a few days after were over for sure, not working out, the freshmen girls name appears in his info w/a smily face next to it. whateverr. i hate boys who lie.
i know this was mucho long.
but i feeel soooo good after writing this.
comment if youd like, even if you didnt read this.
sorry that was so long.
just a few things i needed to get off my chest.
dance
i dont even enjoy it anymore. technique is more a chore than it is fun. then team practice is dumb. we always do open wall, and we dont dance, or we do it like twice then we sit there and liten to the other team get all the fix's. we need more help then they do. i mean were good, but were more indivudal, we dont dance as a team. and im starting to get mad. its such a waste of my life to go there and see no one but mabye three people care. so why even go? exactly. thank god our last competition is this weekend. cuz after recitals, usualy ppl start to care for nationals. soo well see if we can somehow pull off at least a high-gold as the nxt competition. then ballet, i love morgan, and megan, and mrs. camielle. so i guess its okay, i dont do liek ne thing but screw around, but i have the dance, so its okay. i dont even mind that the rest of the girls suck. there is liek a handful of us that can dance, but everyone else pretty much SUCKS. and i dont care, its fun. and its not for competition, so idont care. fanalie seems to be comming along nicely, everyone for some reason loves that dance always. and i think well do good at nationals w/that one. but over all, dance is becomming a waste of my life.
hockey
the boys are AMAZING. i dont think there could have been a better bunch of boys picked for a team. they are physically amazing at hockey. the checks. the slapshots. the wristshots. the backhands. the passing. the goalies. all AMAZING. it is about the only thing i look foreward to now. parker is not so good this season, i think its cuz hes scared to get checked, and its okay, but im sad cuz i cant watch him ne more w/out being mad. and codesteRr has his ups and downs. the tournament last weekend was sooo sweet. it made my wholee life lately be better. even if we lost the last game, we won all the other ones, and really we should have tied, and went into an overtime, but the reffs were being lazy. but hey, cant win them all.
school
i cant even bring myself to have any motovation whatsoever outside of school. i cant study. i dont do homework. i do it all in like first hour the next day, or fourth hour depending on what class i have h/w in. i hate school. i hate waking up. i hate sitting there staring off into space pretending im paying attention. and i HATE mr. dulac. BORING. i dont even enjoy mr. ruths class ne more. the only class i like is chem cuz i have amzing boys in it. school can suck me. i feel liek it should be voer and thre is still a whole half of a quarter to go. 30 more days. 30 more days. Thank God.
friends
i dont have many real friends anymore. i dont hang out w/like anyone from dakota. like i think im close with people.. but im not. jeska and me talk all the time in school and were twins and all, but we never hang out. i know shes busy w/track, but i miss how we used to be lst year. i miss all the ppl i used to be close w/freshmen year from gym. amanda, nicole, lisa, nicole, lauren, amanda and ne one else i forgot. i only hang out with lanse cruise people now, its kinda sad. i have lizzy, she is seriously sweeettt. i dont know what i would do w/out her. and i miss amanda kinda. we havent hung out our "usual" in a while. we need to sooon.
the whole brother issue
this is what has been bugging me the most. teej not living at home ne more is driving me crazy. not only did i lose him comming home every day, i lost my best friend. hes not just my "step brother" hes also my best friend. i miss how he used to come home and take over my room. he doesnt call me every night ne more, i barely talk to him, and NEVER see him. i hate it. it sucks times a million. todd took his key away, and took the key-pad off the garage door so he isnt even allowed in the house. fjsdktjsdjfkdjskf. its so hard on ME. i have no one at that house ne more, it sucks big time. =[
lindz
lindsay rae is amazing. i dont know what i would do without her. i have never had a best friend liek her. like the connection w/us was instant. the first time we hung out, we had a sleepover, it was so sweet. i have so much fun w/her, we never fight, were always soo gay w/each other, were never bored, we think the same, feel the same, its like soo amazing to have her as my best friend. i havent hung out w/her for a while, and yet i still feel like it was jsut yesterday that i saw her. you know how w/some people you feel like when you dont hang out w/them for a while you dont know them ne more? well i feel just as close w/lindz now as i ever did. it doesnt change. and i Love it times so much. she is truely my best friend
mikey
best boy in the world. i am truely in love w/him. im not sure if its emotionally, or if im in love w/being so close to him, but there is definantly a LOT of love there for him. ive never been closer w/a boy. i feel soo close and comfortable with him. i can be dumb and stupid and he still lovess me just the same. weve been through going out, breaking up, best friends, everything, and were still sweet as heck. hes so fun to spend time with, and we dont just sit on my couch and watch movies. we play outside, we play video games, we go swimming, we go on adventures to places, we play koosh-ball catch, we listen to music, we talk, we play b-ball, its just so sweettt. i can tell him ne thing, and be just me and i dont ever feel like he wont like me for it. if you ever find someone like this, even as a friend, dont let them go. cuz having him for a friend is the most amazing thing ever.
family
i think i have the best family around. my dad and me are so close. my step-mom and me are really clost. codesteRr and me are really close. my mom and me are really close. im close w/all my cuzins, and my aunts and uncles, and grandparents. todd and evan are the only ones who it changes with the day of the week. but with all those other people, i dont even need them.
personal issues
i think about things too much. i dont just let things happen. i make too much stress over little things. steve magar is so right. if only i could follow his advice and id be like perfect. he is a smartt kid. he knows a lot, i love talking to him. i kinda need a good steve magar talk right about now actually. and this whole joey thing. i know it was only like a month that we hung out and did the whole kissing holding hands thing, but it makes me mad when ppl tell me that they wanna be togehter and make things work and they were NOT w/a freshmen, then like a few days after were over for sure, not working out, the freshmen girls name appears in his info w/a smily face next to it. whateverr. i hate boys who lie.
i know this was mucho long.
but i feeel soooo good after writing this.
comment if youd like, even if you didnt read this.
sorry that was so long.
just a few things i needed to get off my chest.