(no subject)
Today, after a night of unnecessarily heavy drinking, I took myself for a drive on 63 through Leverett because it never ceases to calm me. I wasn't necessarily on edge, but it was bright and sunny out, and I thought there'd be no harm in awarding myself a Sunday drive. It felt therapeutically refreshing; maybe it was the clear skies or my ass warmer making my body feel nice and toasty, in addition to my playlist I had on loop fittingly labeled "ghey", but it just felt good. I challenged myself to get to the Peace Pagoda on a route I hadn't travelled before and I made it there with facility completely out of the realm of normalcy for my navigating capabilities. I sometimes feel weird going there alone, but I then thought about it, and for those moments where you actually need a little peace, shouldn't you be flying solo?
So I got there and situated myself on a bench that had been dried by a sun beam and closed my eyes and halfway mediated, halfway just let myself enjoy how beautiful it was outside and how quiet it was. I thought I was the only one there, but then I heard footsteps from a distance away. I looked over and saw it was a guy, most likely younger than me, just pacing the circumference of the Zen garden. I closed my eyes again and then heard, in surprisingly good pitch, "...all my troubles seemed to far away. Now it looks as though they're hear to stay, Oh I believe in yesterday..." He continued to sing the whole song, shuffling his feet in the snow, completely unfazed by my presence. It was weird, but I felt so bad for him that I just closed my eyes and let him do his thing. After a while he moseyed off, and though we never acknowledged each other I couldn't help but feel like I had a moment with him. I wanted to tell him I was pretty fucking sad too, so sing away, but maybe since we were both there alone it was understood.
I didn't exactly pray while I was there, but I tried to reason in my head with whoever could potentially be listening. Rather than be lofty and wish to have everything go back to how it was and have my dad be cured of all his ailments, I kept it simple and asked for peace within my family. I figured that was fair, as it doesn't determine the fate of my father, but more so would allow my family to exist without hating every moment that is to come.
CT scan results tomorrow.
So I got there and situated myself on a bench that had been dried by a sun beam and closed my eyes and halfway mediated, halfway just let myself enjoy how beautiful it was outside and how quiet it was. I thought I was the only one there, but then I heard footsteps from a distance away. I looked over and saw it was a guy, most likely younger than me, just pacing the circumference of the Zen garden. I closed my eyes again and then heard, in surprisingly good pitch, "...all my troubles seemed to far away. Now it looks as though they're hear to stay, Oh I believe in yesterday..." He continued to sing the whole song, shuffling his feet in the snow, completely unfazed by my presence. It was weird, but I felt so bad for him that I just closed my eyes and let him do his thing. After a while he moseyed off, and though we never acknowledged each other I couldn't help but feel like I had a moment with him. I wanted to tell him I was pretty fucking sad too, so sing away, but maybe since we were both there alone it was understood.
I didn't exactly pray while I was there, but I tried to reason in my head with whoever could potentially be listening. Rather than be lofty and wish to have everything go back to how it was and have my dad be cured of all his ailments, I kept it simple and asked for peace within my family. I figured that was fair, as it doesn't determine the fate of my father, but more so would allow my family to exist without hating every moment that is to come.
CT scan results tomorrow.