An un-cancer-related list for the Nude Years
The more my life revolves around cancer, the more it becomes impossible to talk about anything else. Soooo I'm forcing myself to make more lists.
HAPPY 2010 BY THE WAY. COULDN'T COME FAST ENOUGH. CAPS CAPS CAPS I'M SO HAPPY 2009 IS OVER. Super duper serial, that last year can suck my fat one. Between being poor, having one of the weirdest unrelationships of my life only to leave me yearning for what I can't have, to my uncle, then my dad, being diagnosed with quite possibly the worst of the worst shit the fan has to offer, I could not say SMELL YA any louder and obnoxiously. Eff that ess. Phew. Okay. LIST.
1) I am thrilled to get back into shape and have already made progress! The time spanning Thanksgiving to Christmas dumped an extra 3 pounds on my fat ass, but I threw it aside since it was (1) the holidays and (2) I had just been given the most life-altering news possible and I believe it merited eating my feelings (DAMN IT. CANCER TALK AGAIN. Stop it!). However! I've been back into my gym and/or yoga routine and I'm happy to say I am down to about 133-134 lbs. The Wii Fit likes to play games with me and tell me I'm 127, but I'm pretty sure that's due to my flagrant lying the last time I was on it and saying my clothing weighed 7 lbs. I apparently work out in chain mail. Regardless, year two of gym and healthier lifestyle will easily be the year I can get to my ideal weight of 120-125. It's weird though, because I still don't think I look better half the time, but I wager that is how it is with most people, yes? PS - I am thanking the genetic gods that with this loss, my boobs have not suffered.
2) Another irrational fear of mine: The Car Wash. I went with my dad today, not even in my own car, and it took all I had to mask my labored breathing when he told me we had to go. I fucking HATE it! There are an abundance of instructions that seem like if I so much as inch forward but juuuust too much, all my tires will be slashed and my car's carcass (car-cass! Ha!) will be dragged through and slaughtered. I'm tensing up thinking about it!!
3) After this past New Year's Eve, I can now scratch blacking out and booking a trip to Mohegan Sun off my list. Whoooooops.
4) I had a new zit on a usually clear spot on my face today, right smack on the forehead, and it's really just troubling that my first reaction upon seeing it was that it was not a zit, but a spider colony infesting under my skin. I blame this entirely on reading "Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark" as a gullible and impressionable 10 year old:
Remember this shit? My best friend Sara and I would read them at sleep overs and how they still have this strong of an effect on me 14 years later is beyond me.
5) I got a new phone and every time someone texts me, I made it so the sound of a Yoshi egg hatching from Super Mario World is heard. I'd be lying if I said this has yet to make me immeasurably pleased. Not only does it bring forth happy feelings just because it's Nintendo related, it also makes me envision my text messages physically being born before my eyes like cute little Yoshis. Now is a good time to go ahead and de-friend me.
6) I watched the most recent episode of The Simpsons on a whim this week and I actually enjoyed it. I can't say I'm too surprised because it revolved around Grandpa stories, which have always been some of my favorites, but it was executed way better than I had anticipated. That being said, I wish I could legally marry season 8.
7) I've had, more or less, no soda for a year. I don't miss it at alllllllll and will never be able to comfortably drink a non-diet soda again, or even a diet one for that matter. I've had a few Dr. Pepper slips here and there, but the reality of it is soda is fucking gross. It's syrupy and makes me gag, especially like regular Coke or orange soda. If there's one thing I could recommend, beyond sandwich choices or watching It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, I'd suggest cutting the soder.
8) I went to Kohl's with Jazz recently, and besides hating that store for completely unmerited reasons (Really, I have this unfounded hatred for Kohl's. Sort of like red headed people with no discernible eyebrows. I've had no justifiable event in my life to harbor this hatred, but it's there), I fell in love with a dinosaur bank. It was freaking adorable and had stubby arms and a wide, toothy dinosaur grin. I carried it around like an idiot and ultimately didn't buy it and I STILL REGRET IT. I'd also like to note that in 4 days I'll be 24 years old.
PS I just found it online: Right Here!!
9) I had a dream last night that I was in some glen in Scotland frolicking in the greenery, wherein I saw a hawk swoop down and try to snatch up Rocco. I instinctively ran over, flung Rocco out of the bird's mouth, then proceeded to unhinge the hawk's jaw and watch it fly away in fear. Badass? Yes. But what weirded the SHIT out of me was my mom randomly decided to bring home "The Proposal" to watch tonight (inevitably terrible, btw) and there was a scene where their dog is picked up by a swooping hawk! WHAT ARE THE ODDS??
10) I learned that if you have a question about poop, like a legit quandary regarding your bowels, you can consult www.poopreport.com/, which is self described as "Your #1 source for your #2 Business". This is up there with Google and Amazon when it comes to fantastic internet ideas.
HAPPY 2010 BY THE WAY. COULDN'T COME FAST ENOUGH. CAPS CAPS CAPS I'M SO HAPPY 2009 IS OVER. Super duper serial, that last year can suck my fat one. Between being poor, having one of the weirdest unrelationships of my life only to leave me yearning for what I can't have, to my uncle, then my dad, being diagnosed with quite possibly the worst of the worst shit the fan has to offer, I could not say SMELL YA any louder and obnoxiously. Eff that ess. Phew. Okay. LIST.
1) I am thrilled to get back into shape and have already made progress! The time spanning Thanksgiving to Christmas dumped an extra 3 pounds on my fat ass, but I threw it aside since it was (1) the holidays and (2) I had just been given the most life-altering news possible and I believe it merited eating my feelings (DAMN IT. CANCER TALK AGAIN. Stop it!). However! I've been back into my gym and/or yoga routine and I'm happy to say I am down to about 133-134 lbs. The Wii Fit likes to play games with me and tell me I'm 127, but I'm pretty sure that's due to my flagrant lying the last time I was on it and saying my clothing weighed 7 lbs. I apparently work out in chain mail. Regardless, year two of gym and healthier lifestyle will easily be the year I can get to my ideal weight of 120-125. It's weird though, because I still don't think I look better half the time, but I wager that is how it is with most people, yes? PS - I am thanking the genetic gods that with this loss, my boobs have not suffered.
2) Another irrational fear of mine: The Car Wash. I went with my dad today, not even in my own car, and it took all I had to mask my labored breathing when he told me we had to go. I fucking HATE it! There are an abundance of instructions that seem like if I so much as inch forward but juuuust too much, all my tires will be slashed and my car's carcass (car-cass! Ha!) will be dragged through and slaughtered. I'm tensing up thinking about it!!
3) After this past New Year's Eve, I can now scratch blacking out and booking a trip to Mohegan Sun off my list. Whoooooops.
4) I had a new zit on a usually clear spot on my face today, right smack on the forehead, and it's really just troubling that my first reaction upon seeing it was that it was not a zit, but a spider colony infesting under my skin. I blame this entirely on reading "Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark" as a gullible and impressionable 10 year old:
Remember this shit? My best friend Sara and I would read them at sleep overs and how they still have this strong of an effect on me 14 years later is beyond me.
5) I got a new phone and every time someone texts me, I made it so the sound of a Yoshi egg hatching from Super Mario World is heard. I'd be lying if I said this has yet to make me immeasurably pleased. Not only does it bring forth happy feelings just because it's Nintendo related, it also makes me envision my text messages physically being born before my eyes like cute little Yoshis. Now is a good time to go ahead and de-friend me.
6) I watched the most recent episode of The Simpsons on a whim this week and I actually enjoyed it. I can't say I'm too surprised because it revolved around Grandpa stories, which have always been some of my favorites, but it was executed way better than I had anticipated. That being said, I wish I could legally marry season 8.
7) I've had, more or less, no soda for a year. I don't miss it at alllllllll and will never be able to comfortably drink a non-diet soda again, or even a diet one for that matter. I've had a few Dr. Pepper slips here and there, but the reality of it is soda is fucking gross. It's syrupy and makes me gag, especially like regular Coke or orange soda. If there's one thing I could recommend, beyond sandwich choices or watching It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, I'd suggest cutting the soder.
8) I went to Kohl's with Jazz recently, and besides hating that store for completely unmerited reasons (Really, I have this unfounded hatred for Kohl's. Sort of like red headed people with no discernible eyebrows. I've had no justifiable event in my life to harbor this hatred, but it's there), I fell in love with a dinosaur bank. It was freaking adorable and had stubby arms and a wide, toothy dinosaur grin. I carried it around like an idiot and ultimately didn't buy it and I STILL REGRET IT. I'd also like to note that in 4 days I'll be 24 years old.
PS I just found it online: Right Here!!
9) I had a dream last night that I was in some glen in Scotland frolicking in the greenery, wherein I saw a hawk swoop down and try to snatch up Rocco. I instinctively ran over, flung Rocco out of the bird's mouth, then proceeded to unhinge the hawk's jaw and watch it fly away in fear. Badass? Yes. But what weirded the SHIT out of me was my mom randomly decided to bring home "The Proposal" to watch tonight (inevitably terrible, btw) and there was a scene where their dog is picked up by a swooping hawk! WHAT ARE THE ODDS??
10) I learned that if you have a question about poop, like a legit quandary regarding your bowels, you can consult www.poopreport.com/, which is self described as "Your #1 source for your #2 Business". This is up there with Google and Amazon when it comes to fantastic internet ideas.