(no subject)
I have a feeling that this week is going to be pretty rough. I have some major sudying to do. I hope to be able to take and pass with at least a 90% two finals by this time next week. I also have some major bills due. I have a $209 gas bill yikes... and a cable and internet bill that is a week past due to take care of my needy bills. People keep saying, including the landlord, that the high cost of gas is because of an old home. Ok so I agree to some extent. There are all new windows but really what does that help when you can feel the outside air coming in through the walls. The amount of money I pay in rent I feel it is way more than sufficient to pay for some proper insulation. I really wonder sometimes what these landlords do with the money. The only thing I don't pay is water which I can't imagine costs all that much in my small home. In order for me to stay in the area that I live in I will have to continue to rent. It is such a beautiful neighborhood but never would be able to afford a home or pay the taxes here. I have plans for my life and am on my way to succeed those goals but no way could ever afford it.
So lately I have been kind of on the hunt for a larger place. I have 5 pets...3 cats and 2 dogs. Silly I know but I wish for more space for them. I would love to have a basement and would like to have the cats to stay there. My living room right now is decent sized but the darn coffee table takes space from the dogs playing. But gosh I just can't bear to part with it. Also Erik would like to live with me but it just can't happen in the place I am in now. At times I am so happy with our relationship and at other times I question where it may be going. If we were to get a place together I would want it all in his name. I think it would be best in case things went south. I hate to be pessimistic but I really need to look out for me. There are times when he goes weeks or more without work. A bigger home means bigger bills and I just can't afford it. I hope that when I start the transcription portion of my course I can cut my work schedule down a bit. I need some type of stability. If it is just me it is ok but one more would kill me. So Donna(Erik's mom) said "two is just as cheep as one." I totally beg to differ on her comment. I have been working like hell for the past year to better my life. I am so proud and have never been so determined. It is so hard because I love him but he is just not willing to better himself like I am. Sometimes I feel like I am nagging but really am I? It is so hard for me to want, when I do I feel so selfish. That selfish feeling puts a pang in my heart. How do I take over my life and say this is what has to happen or else? I cannot answer this and I am sure others have their opions so it is really hard to go to friends with advice. I guess only time will tell. At least for once in my life I am gathering everything in perspective and I have some options. I am happy that at 29 I am still young and have time to gather everything together. Yet at the same time I will not waste much time and hope to figure everything out real soon.
So lately I have been kind of on the hunt for a larger place. I have 5 pets...3 cats and 2 dogs. Silly I know but I wish for more space for them. I would love to have a basement and would like to have the cats to stay there. My living room right now is decent sized but the darn coffee table takes space from the dogs playing. But gosh I just can't bear to part with it. Also Erik would like to live with me but it just can't happen in the place I am in now. At times I am so happy with our relationship and at other times I question where it may be going. If we were to get a place together I would want it all in his name. I think it would be best in case things went south. I hate to be pessimistic but I really need to look out for me. There are times when he goes weeks or more without work. A bigger home means bigger bills and I just can't afford it. I hope that when I start the transcription portion of my course I can cut my work schedule down a bit. I need some type of stability. If it is just me it is ok but one more would kill me. So Donna(Erik's mom) said "two is just as cheep as one." I totally beg to differ on her comment. I have been working like hell for the past year to better my life. I am so proud and have never been so determined. It is so hard because I love him but he is just not willing to better himself like I am. Sometimes I feel like I am nagging but really am I? It is so hard for me to want, when I do I feel so selfish. That selfish feeling puts a pang in my heart. How do I take over my life and say this is what has to happen or else? I cannot answer this and I am sure others have their opions so it is really hard to go to friends with advice. I guess only time will tell. At least for once in my life I am gathering everything in perspective and I have some options. I am happy that at 29 I am still young and have time to gather everything together. Yet at the same time I will not waste much time and hope to figure everything out real soon.