it has been a hot minute.. many things have changed...
I'm in Chicago with Tey... working full time as a leasing agent downtown and around... I have been taking online classes while Tey is getting her Master's... here is a letter to a friend... a glimpse into my life right now...
"...School (B+ gpa at the moment, from Gilgamesh, Ghandi, the Gita and Ethics to Marcus Garvey and Aime Cesaire and African Diasporic Literature and Political Movements...♥) and work (9-5 steady paycheck isnt bad), and planning for our next steps..
I don't want to have to, but it looks like I will be back with my mom and 15 year old brother, and 16 year old sister for at least the Fall semester (17 credit hours) and then Im not sure for Spring... I'm taking such heavy loads because I really want to finish asap and coming here definitely slowed my progress toward completion. I was gonna live with my dad in his new house, help take care of him w his on going recovery from the motorcycle accident in feb (I hear from my monthly chat w my mom that he is not doing well, major swelling and bone healing complications, really high blood pressure which as any daughter who loves her Father doesn't want to hear, especially where he and I are right now) and keep him company considering how sad and lonely he's dwelled upon since the divorce... but he refuses to listen to me that I don't want to be the dumping ground for his dismay w my mother, for w/e it is that she has done, whether falter parenting in his eyes, or inconveniencing him, or what she and her new husband are up to, or spending money on, ect.. and he responds w 'fine i won't tell you anything about my life' ect, I got backed into the corner of going to bat for him, and then his side of story doesnt match hers and i have to put my foot in my mouth, so i said DAD JUST DONT TALK ISH ABOUT MOM.. neutral or nice, but no negative (I even tried, ok, a little negative is a given right now, but it is EVERY time I speak to him, which usually is like twice a week, but he couldn't do that), bc there is nothing I can do, but say 'oh that sucks, how rude?..' and I don't want to bad mouth, or feel bad about her. AND his response is, "WHY DON'T YOU REMEMBER WHO YOUR BLOOD IS..." at that point I was like 'F you man, my 'blood' mom left me.. maybe you forgot that. that's like saying I should side w Zach on fucked up issues bc he and I have more genes in common than dylan and nick, my little sis and bro (half technically) BUT THAT THAT IS NUTS.. and he never hears what I say, he doesn't even take it into account. So he hasn't spoken to me in over a month, deleted me from facebook even.. he is being a childish, hurtful, thing that I can't deal with. Especially after trying on Father's Day with a proposal that 'yes happy father's day, and yes I love you but when I'm home, we go to dinner to hatch things out, bc we keep butting heads,' and he yells at me "listen here little girl, you don't dictate where I go or what i talks about, you got that?" I was like, "1, I'm not a little girl, and 2, I'm done." SSOOOO I won't be living w him. Nevermind the fact that the truck he was gonna let me drive the 25 minutes to school everyday was stolen, crashed, and deserted... none of which he told me about. cooky stuff I'm sure, but its reality. So i am gonna stay in my old room that is currently full of ish until i find something more studious, quiet, less filled w second mother responsibilities.
Because of my good job up here, I have been able to save up about 1300 for a good laptop.. which I desperately need for school, and keeping contact w tey, ect... so that is exciting. I've narrowed it down, its just about ordering it with all the specs i want, and getting it through my school's connections so it is as USF friendly as possible and what not. Living with Tey and this amazing computer I'm on currently (GREAT CHOICE, BEST COMPUTER OUT THERE) has made online classes much easier to keep up w than going to the library (old school right?) like I would usually do... but it has also swayed me towards mac tremendously. I may even get this one, just a much less 'Cadillac' version. So we will see...
speaking of we will see.. Same story w Rwanda.. within two weeks we will know my better half's future, and congruently, aspects of my own. Exciting, and yes, makes me nervous.. but we will make it, and it will be a great opportunity for both of us, professionally, spiritually, emotionally, academically: we will make the best of it. I know so. It will be tough, but what isn't in life, at least the things worth while. She forces me to grow as a person, and I know (this last week especially) I do the same for her. We rescue each other from our own pitfalls, and are still very much in love. AND NOW WITH LADY ADDED TO THE PICTURE.. this will be a very warm love filled home to leave. I'm not excited about that part...
Finishing school I am very excited about, as well as some research and volunteer opportunities I have lined up, as well as some reinvolvement with my environmental group which has REALLY taken off since the great spill... but the best part of going home to finish school, bar far, is seeing my nephew, especially. I've missed so so much of his first year which was one of the biggest sacrifices to come here... (not that it hasn't been worth it, jus sayin..) but i am excited to be able to go by any given evening after school and play and lay and cuddle and swing and carry and bike him around. he has two teeth and is 7.5 months old. so so presh."
to be continued in the tradition as only life can provide...
until then...
<3
"...School (B+ gpa at the moment, from Gilgamesh, Ghandi, the Gita and Ethics to Marcus Garvey and Aime Cesaire and African Diasporic Literature and Political Movements...♥) and work (9-5 steady paycheck isnt bad), and planning for our next steps..
I don't want to have to, but it looks like I will be back with my mom and 15 year old brother, and 16 year old sister for at least the Fall semester (17 credit hours) and then Im not sure for Spring... I'm taking such heavy loads because I really want to finish asap and coming here definitely slowed my progress toward completion. I was gonna live with my dad in his new house, help take care of him w his on going recovery from the motorcycle accident in feb (I hear from my monthly chat w my mom that he is not doing well, major swelling and bone healing complications, really high blood pressure which as any daughter who loves her Father doesn't want to hear, especially where he and I are right now) and keep him company considering how sad and lonely he's dwelled upon since the divorce... but he refuses to listen to me that I don't want to be the dumping ground for his dismay w my mother, for w/e it is that she has done, whether falter parenting in his eyes, or inconveniencing him, or what she and her new husband are up to, or spending money on, ect.. and he responds w 'fine i won't tell you anything about my life' ect, I got backed into the corner of going to bat for him, and then his side of story doesnt match hers and i have to put my foot in my mouth, so i said DAD JUST DONT TALK ISH ABOUT MOM.. neutral or nice, but no negative (I even tried, ok, a little negative is a given right now, but it is EVERY time I speak to him, which usually is like twice a week, but he couldn't do that), bc there is nothing I can do, but say 'oh that sucks, how rude?..' and I don't want to bad mouth, or feel bad about her. AND his response is, "WHY DON'T YOU REMEMBER WHO YOUR BLOOD IS..." at that point I was like 'F you man, my 'blood' mom left me.. maybe you forgot that. that's like saying I should side w Zach on fucked up issues bc he and I have more genes in common than dylan and nick, my little sis and bro (half technically) BUT THAT THAT IS NUTS.. and he never hears what I say, he doesn't even take it into account. So he hasn't spoken to me in over a month, deleted me from facebook even.. he is being a childish, hurtful, thing that I can't deal with. Especially after trying on Father's Day with a proposal that 'yes happy father's day, and yes I love you but when I'm home, we go to dinner to hatch things out, bc we keep butting heads,' and he yells at me "listen here little girl, you don't dictate where I go or what i talks about, you got that?" I was like, "1, I'm not a little girl, and 2, I'm done." SSOOOO I won't be living w him. Nevermind the fact that the truck he was gonna let me drive the 25 minutes to school everyday was stolen, crashed, and deserted... none of which he told me about. cooky stuff I'm sure, but its reality. So i am gonna stay in my old room that is currently full of ish until i find something more studious, quiet, less filled w second mother responsibilities.
Because of my good job up here, I have been able to save up about 1300 for a good laptop.. which I desperately need for school, and keeping contact w tey, ect... so that is exciting. I've narrowed it down, its just about ordering it with all the specs i want, and getting it through my school's connections so it is as USF friendly as possible and what not. Living with Tey and this amazing computer I'm on currently (GREAT CHOICE, BEST COMPUTER OUT THERE) has made online classes much easier to keep up w than going to the library (old school right?) like I would usually do... but it has also swayed me towards mac tremendously. I may even get this one, just a much less 'Cadillac' version. So we will see...
speaking of we will see.. Same story w Rwanda.. within two weeks we will know my better half's future, and congruently, aspects of my own. Exciting, and yes, makes me nervous.. but we will make it, and it will be a great opportunity for both of us, professionally, spiritually, emotionally, academically: we will make the best of it. I know so. It will be tough, but what isn't in life, at least the things worth while. She forces me to grow as a person, and I know (this last week especially) I do the same for her. We rescue each other from our own pitfalls, and are still very much in love. AND NOW WITH LADY ADDED TO THE PICTURE.. this will be a very warm love filled home to leave. I'm not excited about that part...
Finishing school I am very excited about, as well as some research and volunteer opportunities I have lined up, as well as some reinvolvement with my environmental group which has REALLY taken off since the great spill... but the best part of going home to finish school, bar far, is seeing my nephew, especially. I've missed so so much of his first year which was one of the biggest sacrifices to come here... (not that it hasn't been worth it, jus sayin..) but i am excited to be able to go by any given evening after school and play and lay and cuddle and swing and carry and bike him around. he has two teeth and is 7.5 months old. so so presh."
to be continued in the tradition as only life can provide...
until then...
<3