Wherein I am called a slave owner...
I should hope it's evident I have zero issues with polyamory...and though I'm getting deadly close to a "But I have black friends!" moment...I'd say that at this point in my life more of my friends are poly than not...that's probably even more true of my lj readership.
Here's the thing though...you know what would be amazing? (And to be fair most of you reading this have never done this to me) stop comparing my personal relationship choices to slavery.
I think my favorite part about this line of reasoning is that the question is inevitably phrased "You (as in me) want to put limits on your partner."
First off...I don't know anyone who doesn't put limitations on their partner. I've yet to meet the person who says everything from theft to disregard for personal belongings to beatings are swell...because hey.."I don't put limitations on my partner."
But what is actually pretty insulting to any woman I might be in a relationship with is the implication that our relationship is simply: I do to her. No one has ever once said to me..."Samm you don't have to be a monogamist, don't let your partner put those kinds of limitations on you." Tacit in the reasoning is always that monogamy is ownership and pretty clearly I am the owner in the arrangement. And while on the world scale, historically this has been kind of true..it's been kind of true in polygamous cultures too. So I kind of have to assume the issue is really sexism and not the number of partners people in specific or cultures in general tend to take on.
Look I'm not saying I feel oppressed or even offended, because mostly, I could give a fuck what people think of how I handle my life...but I'd feel a lot better about life in general if both monogamists (especially the rabid almost religiously monogamous) and poly folks could stop using their personal relationships as statements about how they are more ethical or free or enlightened than any other two or more persons who make relationship choices differently.
In the first case it's a totally indefensible position no matter how you identify, but more importantly it's unconscionably tasteless to use how people love each other to brow beat "others" or to prop yourself up. And as history shows once people who act like that get some power it's a short trip to legislating their superiority over yours. And that's a human trait it's nothing to do with how many gods you worship or people you fuck...that kind of shitty moralism has been evident in prechristian societies and in socities where polygamy was the norm.
Personal choices that do not negatively impact you are not issues for the basis of an ethical position.
Period.
Here's the thing though...you know what would be amazing? (And to be fair most of you reading this have never done this to me) stop comparing my personal relationship choices to slavery.
I think my favorite part about this line of reasoning is that the question is inevitably phrased "You (as in me) want to put limits on your partner."
First off...I don't know anyone who doesn't put limitations on their partner. I've yet to meet the person who says everything from theft to disregard for personal belongings to beatings are swell...because hey.."I don't put limitations on my partner."
But what is actually pretty insulting to any woman I might be in a relationship with is the implication that our relationship is simply: I do to her. No one has ever once said to me..."Samm you don't have to be a monogamist, don't let your partner put those kinds of limitations on you." Tacit in the reasoning is always that monogamy is ownership and pretty clearly I am the owner in the arrangement. And while on the world scale, historically this has been kind of true..it's been kind of true in polygamous cultures too. So I kind of have to assume the issue is really sexism and not the number of partners people in specific or cultures in general tend to take on.
Look I'm not saying I feel oppressed or even offended, because mostly, I could give a fuck what people think of how I handle my life...but I'd feel a lot better about life in general if both monogamists (especially the rabid almost religiously monogamous) and poly folks could stop using their personal relationships as statements about how they are more ethical or free or enlightened than any other two or more persons who make relationship choices differently.
In the first case it's a totally indefensible position no matter how you identify, but more importantly it's unconscionably tasteless to use how people love each other to brow beat "others" or to prop yourself up. And as history shows once people who act like that get some power it's a short trip to legislating their superiority over yours. And that's a human trait it's nothing to do with how many gods you worship or people you fuck...that kind of shitty moralism has been evident in prechristian societies and in socities where polygamy was the norm.
Personal choices that do not negatively impact you are not issues for the basis of an ethical position.
Period.