rambling reflections

[sammbo]

i'm not sure how much longer i have left in this world, but it's great to know that i'm not taking shit for granted. i appreciate everything. not everyone- but everything. i remember having a discussion on trees one day, and it occurred to me that trees have been here longer than anything else in the world. amazing isn't it? and if god's grace is as good as they say, and one day we have a nuclear explosion that kills off the population- cockroaches will still survive. it's very humbling to realize how insignificant you really are. don't get me wrong, i'm not getting any nicer. i guess i'm just over it. 'it' meaning everything in general. i'm sick of getting lied to, cheated on, disrespected, etc. . from now on i think life will be much better if i just don't give a fuck, at all. i lied when i said i don't give a fuck before all this. i really have some emotion, not enough to show it to you, but some. that 'some' is what gets me all the time- it stays hidden until someone/something fucks me over, then it all comes out. it makes me think why i spent all that time over something that didn't feel real to begin with. nothing feels real when you're me. nothing. it's all a dream, unrealistic. i can no longer handle the bullshit people place in my lap. so, instead- i won't put forth any effort. this can be and mean whatever you want it to. i've just finally realized that in the long run, no one else will be around but me and i'm completely okay with that. finally.

and with that i officially secede from the union.