Is it me?

[sammakae]

Why can't I ever be happy?

I thought things were okay. I thought they would be different. You went away and you came back happy and for once, you were actually nice. You were in a good mood and easy to get along with. I thought things were going to be okay. I thought it was like starting over. I thought we were going to get another chance at being happy, but everything changes when you don't get what you want. I don't understand why there's never a compromise, why it's never your fault, why there's never an apology. I shouldn't have to ask your permission to turn on my light. I shouldn't have to ask you if it's okay for me to relax before I go to sleep. For someone who claims to love me, you hurt me more than anyone I know. You make me cry harder than anyone. You break my heart before it ever gets a chance to heal. I'm not a confident person. Most of the time I don't even like myself but I know I deserve to be happy, so why do I always come crawling back to you? Why do I keep coming back to the selfishness? Why do I always end up in tears over you?

You scare me into staying.