June 11
Only one day of school left!!!!!
I am so excited I don't think there are even words for it, to be completely honest. But, other than that today was pretty good. R and K were hardcore close again and I just wanted to punch him or something, but that's okay. R and S were also close, well, okay, sort of. That doesn't really bother me, it's just weird to see. I'm on okay terms with S, but I know that once I'm out of highschool I won't talk to her anymore, more likely than not. This summer is probably going to filled with WAYYY too much K, S, and V. I'm going to also be spending a lot of it with R, but that's okay, cuz she's mah bestie foe. Camp is coming up soon too, like, in two weeks! I didn't realize how close it was, and though I'm usually reallyreallyreallyreally excited for it, today, for some reason, not so much. Maybe it's because they have really good food there and the last thing I want to do is get stuck stuffing my face silly. I'm going to try and avoid it, and if worse comes to worse, I'll just stick with small portions - and make sure to eat my breakfast! I'm happy I didn't end up volunteering, because then God only knows how much I would have ended up eating. Then shortly after camp is my birthday, which is a binge day because it's going to involve all my favorite foods, and then cheer camp, where I should be able to avoid binging, though I might get stuck eating a fair amount of calories. However, I'm not to concerned, because, like, let's be serious here, it's cheer camp, we're going to be working out butts off. That should, hopefully, get me somewhere in the negatives everyday, and if not, then I'll just have to suck it up, hardcore.
Off to read more of skinny and probably nap, since I already checked with dad to ensure that dinner was fend for yourself sort of thing. And since I'm not fending for myself because I don't want to, a few hours of sleep wouldn't go amiss. Besides, I'm tired enough that it's continuing to seem like a really REALLY good idea. I'm also debating leaving school early tomorrow, though everybody is getting their panties in a twist about it because now we're stuck staying at school all day because our principal is a total ick. Whatever. I left early//came in late//skipped anyway, because there's not much they can do about it. ((Except give me zeros on qiuzzes, and I don't really care about that.)) I am so excited to finally be out of school.
Oh!
Today there was a bake sale during lunch, and I'm doing the eighteen day plan with eight other girls, and I'm on the first day which is a fast. Back to the bake sale, thing. There was tons of good stuff, and R, whose on the Atkins diet went and bought a bunch of cookies and a brownie, and I'm going to be honest, I really wanted some food. Instead I kept studying for my stupid finals and when I was offered some cookie, I took a piece smaller than my pinky nail, chewed, and spit it into the trash can when we walked by. Thus, my fast continued and I resisted the overpowering urge to binge. However, the thing I hate about fasting is how tired I get - especially when the last two days have been VER low calorie//negative calorie, on top of a week or so of 600-800 consumption. So, that's one of the reasons i"m just chillin' in bed, even though I walked my butt off during school. Later tonight I might spend sometime on the eliptical, though it's not going to be anything hardcore, a slower speed, and I'm hoping to burn like, maybe 100 calories. Then I'm going to take a break, do some stretching, and go back with a goal of another 100 calories. After that I'm thinking about burning 50 on the leg magic. I would go for a bike ride, 'cept it's like, raining and cold outside, and that just doesn't float my boat.
Where did the sun go?
~~~~~
So I definitely didn't get anything done today. I read more of Skinny and then I ended up taking a three or four hour nap. I thought about exercising, but to be honest, I just didn't have the energy. I did walk a lot at school today and fidget, and I walked around my house enough and up and the down the stairs to burn something. However, I did mange to avoid a dinner binge over chicken cutlets by sleeping through it. I thought i was going to binge all day, but I managed to avoid it. I'm proud of myself for that, and I'm going to go to bed soon so I can get my seven hours of sleep to help burn more weight. Tomorrow is a two hundred calorie day, but I'm debating just fasting again...hmm. Though, maybe I should enjoy my english muffin breakfast, at least. If anything, I'm going to have an apple for lunch. The only reason I don't like fasting is that I don't get any fiber into my system, and I've been on a fiber kick lately. -sigh- Whatever. I did manage to have six servings of water and I tided over my hunger with my love of diet root beer - mentioning that I need to go pick up more tomorrow at the store. That's what gets me through fasts now - I think I'm going to binge, I just grab one of them.
L is coming up//down - I suck with direction, let's not even get started on that, which is why I love my Tom Tom - to my house for a good portion of next week, and she does not approve of this stuff at all. In fact, she threatened to tell my mother about this and cutting, both of which I am nowhere near ready to go through recovery for. I have strategically placed many food items around my room, so it makes it look like I've been eating. Granted, it's all low calorie stuff, so I should probably bring more up here. But, it also helps me keep my resistence to binging because I'm constantly surrounded by all this food. I had better be careful though, or I will end up binging. Tomorrow is graduation, and if I eat an apple at lunch I'm going over 200 calories a little. So, I'm going to need to exercise at some point, assuming I have the energy. I guess before I take my shower and all. It definitely would have helped if KQ had texted me and let me know about Saturday. Whatever, I'll just text her tomorrow during school, since I'm staying over TH's house after the party with R. The graduation parties are going to be the worst thing, but it'll help me work on my resolve, if nothing else. Pleasepleaseplease don't let me have a huge binge this weekend - I really want to follow this eighteen day plan out to the end. Luckily, it falls out perfectly, so that the two days L is here the whole time, I can eat. On Monday, when I go to pick her up, it's a liquid fast, but I'm hanging out with my friend Mar until five, so I'll just say we went to Wendy's - ew - or something and got dinner already and that I'm stuffed. As long as I've got my water and root beer with me, I should be fine. I might have a cup of apple juice at some point, since I can have 150 calories, but I dunno if it's worth it. Actually, I might go pick up some FUZE from the store to enjoy, since it's only 10 or so calories a pop.
But yeah, besides this weekend, I'm not really worried for too much, especially since M might let me get away with all this business, only because he understands I've struggled with this sort of stuff for a while. Here's seriously hoping, because if he makes me eat on Monday, I might actually start crying. I'm going to put my faith in him, though, only becuase I have no choice. Regardless, it feels good to rant, and now I need to go to bed to make sure my metabilism doesn't slow down anymore than it probably already has. Good night anybody who might actually read this.
<3
No eating stats because I didn't eat anything today.
=]
I am so excited I don't think there are even words for it, to be completely honest. But, other than that today was pretty good. R and K were hardcore close again and I just wanted to punch him or something, but that's okay. R and S were also close, well, okay, sort of. That doesn't really bother me, it's just weird to see. I'm on okay terms with S, but I know that once I'm out of highschool I won't talk to her anymore, more likely than not. This summer is probably going to filled with WAYYY too much K, S, and V. I'm going to also be spending a lot of it with R, but that's okay, cuz she's mah bestie foe. Camp is coming up soon too, like, in two weeks! I didn't realize how close it was, and though I'm usually reallyreallyreallyreally excited for it, today, for some reason, not so much. Maybe it's because they have really good food there and the last thing I want to do is get stuck stuffing my face silly. I'm going to try and avoid it, and if worse comes to worse, I'll just stick with small portions - and make sure to eat my breakfast! I'm happy I didn't end up volunteering, because then God only knows how much I would have ended up eating. Then shortly after camp is my birthday, which is a binge day because it's going to involve all my favorite foods, and then cheer camp, where I should be able to avoid binging, though I might get stuck eating a fair amount of calories. However, I'm not to concerned, because, like, let's be serious here, it's cheer camp, we're going to be working out butts off. That should, hopefully, get me somewhere in the negatives everyday, and if not, then I'll just have to suck it up, hardcore.
Off to read more of skinny and probably nap, since I already checked with dad to ensure that dinner was fend for yourself sort of thing. And since I'm not fending for myself because I don't want to, a few hours of sleep wouldn't go amiss. Besides, I'm tired enough that it's continuing to seem like a really REALLY good idea. I'm also debating leaving school early tomorrow, though everybody is getting their panties in a twist about it because now we're stuck staying at school all day because our principal is a total ick. Whatever. I left early//came in late//skipped anyway, because there's not much they can do about it. ((Except give me zeros on qiuzzes, and I don't really care about that.)) I am so excited to finally be out of school.
Oh!
Today there was a bake sale during lunch, and I'm doing the eighteen day plan with eight other girls, and I'm on the first day which is a fast. Back to the bake sale, thing. There was tons of good stuff, and R, whose on the Atkins diet went and bought a bunch of cookies and a brownie, and I'm going to be honest, I really wanted some food. Instead I kept studying for my stupid finals and when I was offered some cookie, I took a piece smaller than my pinky nail, chewed, and spit it into the trash can when we walked by. Thus, my fast continued and I resisted the overpowering urge to binge. However, the thing I hate about fasting is how tired I get - especially when the last two days have been VER low calorie//negative calorie, on top of a week or so of 600-800 consumption. So, that's one of the reasons i"m just chillin' in bed, even though I walked my butt off during school. Later tonight I might spend sometime on the eliptical, though it's not going to be anything hardcore, a slower speed, and I'm hoping to burn like, maybe 100 calories. Then I'm going to take a break, do some stretching, and go back with a goal of another 100 calories. After that I'm thinking about burning 50 on the leg magic. I would go for a bike ride, 'cept it's like, raining and cold outside, and that just doesn't float my boat.
Where did the sun go?
~~~~~
So I definitely didn't get anything done today. I read more of Skinny and then I ended up taking a three or four hour nap. I thought about exercising, but to be honest, I just didn't have the energy. I did walk a lot at school today and fidget, and I walked around my house enough and up and the down the stairs to burn something. However, I did mange to avoid a dinner binge over chicken cutlets by sleeping through it. I thought i was going to binge all day, but I managed to avoid it. I'm proud of myself for that, and I'm going to go to bed soon so I can get my seven hours of sleep to help burn more weight. Tomorrow is a two hundred calorie day, but I'm debating just fasting again...hmm. Though, maybe I should enjoy my english muffin breakfast, at least. If anything, I'm going to have an apple for lunch. The only reason I don't like fasting is that I don't get any fiber into my system, and I've been on a fiber kick lately. -sigh- Whatever. I did manage to have six servings of water and I tided over my hunger with my love of diet root beer - mentioning that I need to go pick up more tomorrow at the store. That's what gets me through fasts now - I think I'm going to binge, I just grab one of them.
L is coming up//down - I suck with direction, let's not even get started on that, which is why I love my Tom Tom - to my house for a good portion of next week, and she does not approve of this stuff at all. In fact, she threatened to tell my mother about this and cutting, both of which I am nowhere near ready to go through recovery for. I have strategically placed many food items around my room, so it makes it look like I've been eating. Granted, it's all low calorie stuff, so I should probably bring more up here. But, it also helps me keep my resistence to binging because I'm constantly surrounded by all this food. I had better be careful though, or I will end up binging. Tomorrow is graduation, and if I eat an apple at lunch I'm going over 200 calories a little. So, I'm going to need to exercise at some point, assuming I have the energy. I guess before I take my shower and all. It definitely would have helped if KQ had texted me and let me know about Saturday. Whatever, I'll just text her tomorrow during school, since I'm staying over TH's house after the party with R. The graduation parties are going to be the worst thing, but it'll help me work on my resolve, if nothing else. Pleasepleaseplease don't let me have a huge binge this weekend - I really want to follow this eighteen day plan out to the end. Luckily, it falls out perfectly, so that the two days L is here the whole time, I can eat. On Monday, when I go to pick her up, it's a liquid fast, but I'm hanging out with my friend Mar until five, so I'll just say we went to Wendy's - ew - or something and got dinner already and that I'm stuffed. As long as I've got my water and root beer with me, I should be fine. I might have a cup of apple juice at some point, since I can have 150 calories, but I dunno if it's worth it. Actually, I might go pick up some FUZE from the store to enjoy, since it's only 10 or so calories a pop.
But yeah, besides this weekend, I'm not really worried for too much, especially since M might let me get away with all this business, only because he understands I've struggled with this sort of stuff for a while. Here's seriously hoping, because if he makes me eat on Monday, I might actually start crying. I'm going to put my faith in him, though, only becuase I have no choice. Regardless, it feels good to rant, and now I need to go to bed to make sure my metabilism doesn't slow down anymore than it probably already has. Good night anybody who might actually read this.
<3
No eating stats because I didn't eat anything today.
=]