(no subject)
wow..its been a loong butt time since ive used this thing...myspace.com sorta took over. but im extremely bored and like blah and figured i could vent to this thing.
everyone is in N.C and if they arnt there i still havent talked to anyone..i feel so distant from the world i serisously miss everyone so much. im sure they are all just like relaxing and enjoying being off school and eventually we will all go out and hang out again. hopefully
and i miss josh. alot. itll almost be 2 months..thats my longest yet! ha. weve gotton thru somefights too and i say were still pretty strong. its so weird.. like i never expected to care so much about him. like he has always been there and was always just josh and now its like ...wow...i really care about that kid. its funny how things work out. especially when u least expect it. i dont know if he feels the same way and that like has been sorta a problem ive been dealing with on my own... bc hes not like i guess good with his words and doesnt speak his feelings all the time and im not use to that...bc most people know i m a sucker for sweet talkers and im use to like having a guy say sweet things...bc thats normally the type i go for. but josh isnt like that ...at all..and that doenst make me like him less just makes me more in question i guess.
but ya... soo joey is like my all time best friend. thats another funny situation. ha...because like i dont know.. i rely on him so much..prolly just like how i use to rely on sam ...to always be there and like stuff. i love him tho.hes helped me out sooo much lately. and hes also in N.C and i miss him a bunchies.
but im going to the beach tomorrow. im like excited but like i jsut want to sleep... because time seems to go by faster that wayy...and maybe if i sleep alot sunday will come up in a jiffy. its liek a freakin week away. and hes still been gone for like 2 days now. and his fone doesnt work...so we cant talk its aggrivating because im soo use to like talking to him and laughing and i just like sit in my room bored. and we sorta like left on poor terms wich is still tearing me up inside. i hate myself so much... i like make things such a big deal becasue i try him,...i try to see if he will run at the simplest complexity...because if thats the case i dont watn to getinvolved. i do it all out of fear. fear of somethign serious that is so unknown to me. like im use to the one weekers that like come and go nothing really big deal ish...but this is evolving into something more than a one weeker. i dont know...
wow im blabing alot haha... well i figure taht since these are so old and out dated no one will read this and since im bored im just putting it in ehre so i can look back on it one day and laugh...
so ya friday..was his last day. and he spent it with rami david joanna and ellen...sorta hurt... bc i felt liek he didnt want to see me or cared..and i know that prolly not the case but he doesnt say so ...i mean if i disagree with him or what not he gets all pissy and then storms off and im left hangin with no clue how he feels but i didnt want to go with them...i wanted to just hang out us 2. but nope. so ya he left and just gave me a hug good bye ha i cried in hollys car..because she played thsi really good sad song. darn u holly! but ya we went and saw a movie..girls night out and then he came over... for like what 5 mins because all his lil buddies were waiting in the car... it aggrivated me more..so i just sorta like kicked him out...and iregret it all so much i wish like i dont know i said bye more nicely.
but o wells... im gunna go bc this is geting really point less n im almost 100% positive no one cares.. haha well sorry this is so long just wanted to fill you all in....
<3
everyone is in N.C and if they arnt there i still havent talked to anyone..i feel so distant from the world i serisously miss everyone so much. im sure they are all just like relaxing and enjoying being off school and eventually we will all go out and hang out again. hopefully
and i miss josh. alot. itll almost be 2 months..thats my longest yet! ha. weve gotton thru somefights too and i say were still pretty strong. its so weird.. like i never expected to care so much about him. like he has always been there and was always just josh and now its like ...wow...i really care about that kid. its funny how things work out. especially when u least expect it. i dont know if he feels the same way and that like has been sorta a problem ive been dealing with on my own... bc hes not like i guess good with his words and doesnt speak his feelings all the time and im not use to that...bc most people know i m a sucker for sweet talkers and im use to like having a guy say sweet things...bc thats normally the type i go for. but josh isnt like that ...at all..and that doenst make me like him less just makes me more in question i guess.
but ya... soo joey is like my all time best friend. thats another funny situation. ha...because like i dont know.. i rely on him so much..prolly just like how i use to rely on sam ...to always be there and like stuff. i love him tho.hes helped me out sooo much lately. and hes also in N.C and i miss him a bunchies.
but im going to the beach tomorrow. im like excited but like i jsut want to sleep... because time seems to go by faster that wayy...and maybe if i sleep alot sunday will come up in a jiffy. its liek a freakin week away. and hes still been gone for like 2 days now. and his fone doesnt work...so we cant talk its aggrivating because im soo use to like talking to him and laughing and i just like sit in my room bored. and we sorta like left on poor terms wich is still tearing me up inside. i hate myself so much... i like make things such a big deal becasue i try him,...i try to see if he will run at the simplest complexity...because if thats the case i dont watn to getinvolved. i do it all out of fear. fear of somethign serious that is so unknown to me. like im use to the one weekers that like come and go nothing really big deal ish...but this is evolving into something more than a one weeker. i dont know...
wow im blabing alot haha... well i figure taht since these are so old and out dated no one will read this and since im bored im just putting it in ehre so i can look back on it one day and laugh...
so ya friday..was his last day. and he spent it with rami david joanna and ellen...sorta hurt... bc i felt liek he didnt want to see me or cared..and i know that prolly not the case but he doesnt say so ...i mean if i disagree with him or what not he gets all pissy and then storms off and im left hangin with no clue how he feels but i didnt want to go with them...i wanted to just hang out us 2. but nope. so ya he left and just gave me a hug good bye ha i cried in hollys car..because she played thsi really good sad song. darn u holly! but ya we went and saw a movie..girls night out and then he came over... for like what 5 mins because all his lil buddies were waiting in the car... it aggrivated me more..so i just sorta like kicked him out...and iregret it all so much i wish like i dont know i said bye more nicely.
but o wells... im gunna go bc this is geting really point less n im almost 100% positive no one cares.. haha well sorry this is so long just wanted to fill you all in....
<3