What a long strange trip it's been.....
Wow, It's been a long time now.... I haven't written in this thing for about a year now. I turned here because I can write frustrations and everyday stresses down without anyone seeing and saying "what's wrong?" or "You need to be happy." Everyone says those things when I am feeling down. Well outwardly down. The thing is, I don't even know if this is neccessarily 'down'. I've felt like this mostly my whole life. More analytical than anything. Like I'll sit and sit and sit and think about things. I'll analyze them to death. Mostly when I'm not sleeping. And I hate taking pills, but, I have to. The only thing about sleeping pills that I don't like is how they make me feel when I'm not sleeping, or when I stop taking them. I feel groggy and moody and I want to cry all day after I wake up in the morning. I just don't want to get up, but, if I stop taking them, I can't sleep again. I don't know what's worse.
I feel "normal" in my head with out sleep, but, my body aches. That's the downside of being awake all the time. The body feeling. But, my head is so clear. I feel like I understand things better because I haven't slept. Like my brain is in this raw form and It just soaks everything in and dissects the information into IT'S raw form, and then I've figured it out. Everything really. Anything. I think you'd have to deprive yourself of sleep for years to understand what I mean, or I'm just crazy and noone understands what I mean. either is possible. I don't know. I don't understand myself sometimes. I've been in this strange mood lately. I flipped out on my dad, on my sister, on my brothers. I've just been kind of flipping out lately. It's all this having things to say out loud and not really knowing how, so I've been lashing out on people who have to love me no matter how crazy I am. Funny, huh? For a girl with so many words, I don't know what to say.....
I feel "normal" in my head with out sleep, but, my body aches. That's the downside of being awake all the time. The body feeling. But, my head is so clear. I feel like I understand things better because I haven't slept. Like my brain is in this raw form and It just soaks everything in and dissects the information into IT'S raw form, and then I've figured it out. Everything really. Anything. I think you'd have to deprive yourself of sleep for years to understand what I mean, or I'm just crazy and noone understands what I mean. either is possible. I don't know. I don't understand myself sometimes. I've been in this strange mood lately. I flipped out on my dad, on my sister, on my brothers. I've just been kind of flipping out lately. It's all this having things to say out loud and not really knowing how, so I've been lashing out on people who have to love me no matter how crazy I am. Funny, huh? For a girl with so many words, I don't know what to say.....