fic: pardon my interruption (disney rpf; nick/miley)
Title: Pardon My Interruption
Fandom: Disney RPF
Pairing: Nick/Miley, Nick/Demi BFFs
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Five moments that led to Nick Jonas playing a song at Radio City Music Hall about Miley Cyrus's future wedding.
Word Count: ~5K (oh my god)
Disclaimer: These people are their own people, I'm just borrowing their names and life stories for a little while. Totally not real, I'm saying.
Author's Note: Un-beta'ed; all mistakes mine, though one or two lines were suggested by conversations I had and/or read in posts talking about this stupid song when it came out. I don't really know where this story came from; Nick Jonas DATE-DROPPED his and Miley's anniversary and I had a lot of feelings and then this happened. I haven't been paying AS MUCH attention to these kids lately, and I haven't written RPF about them for, oh, 3 years, but I did a little twitter research and, I don't know, this is here, eleven nights into June will forever and always be a phrase that gives me a lot of feelings, Nick Jonas continues to be an asshole, etc etc. Also, each section title is a line from "Wedding Bells," because why wouldn't they be?
1. Can you keep a secret?
Nick's sacked out on his couch the last day of May, exactly where he sat down when he got home from How to Succeed's softball game against the team from Nice Work. He's exhausted - even with the show ending, it's been a busy few months.
Tonight, his phone rings about half an hour after he locks his door behind him. He tries to ignore it at first, but a nagging voice in the back of his mind says it could be important, so he groans and snatches it up from the table near his head, answering without even looking at it or moving, really.
"Nicky?" a voice on the other end says, and boom, he's awake, sitting up.
"Hi," he says. He hasn't talked to Miley in years, though he's kept up with her through mutual friends and acquaintances.
"How are you?"
"Good. I'm good. Tired."
"Oh, that's right, it's later there. I'm sorry, did I wake you up?"
"No, no, I've just been busy lately and it's catching up to me. What's up?"
"Are you watching your blood sugar?" she asks, and she sounds worried and stern and suddenly he's fourteen again, and his girlfriend is carrying around an extra insulin shot just in case. He feels himself start to smile.
"Yes, Miley, I'm keeping an eye on it."
"Are you really or are you just saying that? This is important, Nick!"
"Oh my god, yes, I promise! Did you just call to nag me?" He's smiling so wide it hurts a little.
"Oh, no, sorry. I have a real reason for calling, I promise."
She pauses for so long that he can feel himself leaning forward in anticipation. Finally, he says, "And that reason is?"
"It's, well. It's. I can trust you to keep a secret, right?"
"You can always trust me, Miles," he says softly.
"Good." He can hear the smile in her voice, and knows she's pausing for effect now.
And then she drops a bomb.
"Liam and I are engaged. We're telling the press next week, but I wanted you to know first."
His smile drops so fast it's like it was never there at all. He doesn't know how to respond - maybe, for just a minute, he'd thought she was calling him late at night, out of the blue, to tell him she was thinking about him, missing him, maybe they could try again?
But no, of course not, it's only 9:30 where she is, and she and Liam probably just got back from dinner, or something, celebrating their fucking engagement.
She's engaged.
The girl of his dreams, the love of his life, the girl he always assumed he'd settle down with one day is engaged to be married to some co-worker of hers, some guy she met mere days after she kissed Nick on an island in Georgia, told him she'd always love him.
"Nick?" she asks, and he realizes he's been quiet for too long.
"Wow," he says. "That's great!"
"Yeah," she says, and she sounds relieved. "I know it's kind of fast, and we're young or whatever, but I...I just love him so much, you know? We probably won't get married for a while, but we're letting the news come out soon and I thought I should tell you."
"Yeah. Yeah, thanks. Announcing it in early June, huh?" He feels a little like a dick for bringing up their anniversary, however vaguely, but she's the one who put it in her book. He's just mentioning it subtly, just to see what she'll say.
"Well, it's not like the news wouldn't come out soon anyway, plus waiting a few days gives us a little bit of time to ourselves. He's really so great, Nick, I think you'd like him a lot. Maybe the next time we're both in the same state we can meet up or something."
"Yeah, that sounds great." He feels a little like he's been punched in the stomach. She probably doesn't even remember their anniversary anymore, or maybe she just doesn't care. God, he wants off this phone call. "Hey, I'm sorry, but I have to go."
"Oh. Oh, that's okay. Get some sleep."
"I will."
"And, Nicky?"
"Yeah?"
"Are you really happy for me?" She says it softly, like she's kind of afraid to say it out loud. He feels himself deflate a little bit.
"I'm happy if you're happy, Miles."
"Good." He can hear the smile in her voice, and maybe he does feel a little better. Maybe. "Goodnight."
"Bye," he responds, because it feels kind of final. He sets the phone back down on the table, and then starts to hear a little melody in his head. He won't get any sleep 'til he works through it, he just knows, so he heads for his piano.
2. This drink's just setting in
He gets drunk on June 11th.
He just, he can't help it. He spends the day with Joe, and even if Nick doesn't say anything about Miley, Joe just knows, or at least knows that Nick needs a distraction. They go mini-golfing and to the movies; Nick has half of Joe's beer at lunch, almost all of his beer at the putt-putt place, two beers with dinner, and then he's on Joe's couch, a bottle in one hand and his phone in the other, and he's scrolling through the names.
"Probably not a good idea to call anyone just now, little brother," Joe says, leaning across Nick and reaching for his phone. Nick leans away from him, reaching his arm out as far as he can, and Joe ends up sprawled on top of him, his hand only reaching Nick's elbow. He sighs, and then moves back into his own space. "Okay. But don't say I didn't warn you."
"I'm not calling anyone," Nick says, but he swipes his finger over Miley's name and her contact comes up. Her picture is one from the last time they had lunch together, when she stole his phone when he was in the bathroom and snapped it at the table, and then changed her name in his phone to the best person in the world :) :) :) :). He's transferred the photo over to three different phones since then, and he only feels a little lame about that.
"If you're not calling anyone, you won't mind if I just take this," Joe says, and then he reaches across Nick again, so quickly Nick doesn't realize Joe has his phone until he's halfway across the room.
"Miley? You were about to drunk-dial Miley?"
"I wasn't about to drunk-dial anyone. Give me my phone back, douchebag."
"Nick, I know she just got engaged, or whatever, and you haven't had a date in a really long time -"
"It's only been four months!"
"- and that's usually when you start pining over Miley, but you've gotta get over this, dude. She's moved on."
Nick crosses his arms over his chest and makes a face much like a pout, but he's definitely not pouting since he doesn't do that. "Today's our anniversary," he says, hoping that Joe'll go, "Oh, man, I'm so sorry. Do you want another beer?" or something.
"What anniversary?" he says instead. "You don't have an anniversary. She's with Thor's little brother now!"
Nick groans and puts his head in his hands. "I knooooow."
Joe drops back down on the couch next to Nick. "I know how much you meant to each other, but it's over now. You can remember the past, but you gotta stop living in it. She has."
"She called me, you know."
Joe doesn't say anything, but his eyebrows go up the tiniest bit.
"The night she got engaged. She called to tell me. She said she just wanted me to know first, but... ." He shrugs.
Joe sighs. "She's just being nice, Nick. It doesn't mean anything."
"Yeah. Yeah, I guess you're right." Nick exhales and kind of relaxes into the couch. After a minute, he can feel Joe leaning over onto him reassuringly. He thinks about closing his eyes and staying there, maybe trying to sleep, and then he reaches for his phone still in Joe's hand, snags it, and rushes for the bathroom.
"You're gonna regret this tomorrow!" Joe calls, but at least he lets Nick lock himself into the bathroom without running after him.
Nick leans against the door anyway, just in case, and scrolls through his contacts again. He thinks about calling Miley, has his finger over the call button, but then he changes his mind and scrolls back up, presses call for another contact before he can second-guess himself.
Demi answers after three rings, sounding groggy and confused, and Nick suddenly feels like a jerk for calling his recently-sober friend while drunk in the middle of the night, but he'd feel like an even bigger jerk for calling and then hanging up, so he says, "Hey."
Or, he means to say "Hey," but what actually comes out is, "Miley's getting married to the guy from the Hunger Games but I think I still love her."
"Josh Hutcherson?" Demi says, sounding a little more awake.
"Yeah, it turns out she fell in love with him when Liam introduced them."
"Hey, no sarcasm, you woke me up."
Nick slides down the door to sit on the tile. "I know, I'm sorry."
"Eh, it's okay, I operate better on less sleep anyway."
Nick cringes. "You know what, I'm gonna let you go, this isn't that important."
"Don't you dare, Nicholas. You called me at two o'clock in the morning and now as punishment you actually have to talk about your feelings."
"Do I really have to?"
"Yes! You're the one who used the word 'love,' so, let's talk about it."
"I dunno," he mumbles, running his finger over the grout between the tile next to him. He stops when he glances at his now-black fingertip. "I dunno how I feel."
"Is it possible that you're just nostalgic for a simpler time? The young love you had when you were fourteen?"
"I don't think that's it. I think... . No." He rubs the dirt on his finger off onto his pants, leaving a dark streak on his thigh that'll bug him later.
"Nope, no second-guessing on this phone call, you say whatever the hell you were just thinking, regardless of how stupid it is."
"I just kind of always thought we'd get married or something, you know? She was just...she was always there for me."
"It's hard to imagine your love is a story with an end, huh?"
"Yeah. Yeah! That's exactly it!" The phrase is so perfect, he kind of can't believe he didn't come up with it himself, or put it in a song, or - wait. He's heard it before. "Is that a line from Miley's book?"
Demi laughs. "I'm sorry, it's not funny, but you were so excited when I said that."
"Well, I guess it's how I feel."
"You're mumbling again, dude."
He sighs. "Is it stupid of me to feel this way?"
"No," she says immediately, her voice quiet but firm. "Absolutely not. What you had was real, and probably one of the most important things to happen to either one of you at that point in your lives. But! It is in the past. She's with Liam now, and she's happy, she really is. You can have a couple of nights of drunken introspection, but I think you should leave it at that and let her be."
"Yeah, okay. God, you're so smart, Dem, you know that?"
"I have my moments, yes. Now. Are you feeling better?"
"I guess. I think maybe I'm just lonely."
"You can always call me, Nick," she says softly.
He smiles. "I know. Even drunk and in the middle of the night."
"Exactly, and I'll always try my hardest to answer."
"Because you're the best."
"Yes, because I'm the best." She yawns. "I'm also the sleepiest. Are you gonna be okay?"
"I think so. Go back to sleep, Demi."
"If you insist," she says, and then hangs up on him. Nick laughs and then heads back to the living room, where Joe is still sitting on the couch, playing a game on his phone.
"And what did Miss Cyrus have to say?" he asks, in that snotty older brother I know better than you way he gets sometimes.
Nick thinks about telling him about Demi - Joe still has a weird relationship with her, where he clams up whenever someone mentions her and never talks about her if he can help it, but Nick knows for a fact that Skyscraper is in his Top 25 Most Played playlist in iTunes.
Instead of mentioning her, Nick just shrugs. "She didn't answer."
"You didn't leave a voice-mail, did you? Because only the person who receives it can delete it, Nick. You can't get it back." He looks so worried that Nick laughs.
"Nah, I didn't."
Joe actually makes a phew noise, and then says, "Good. Maybe tomorrow morning won't be too bad for you after all."
"Yeah. Maybe," Nick says, suddenly feeling kind of hopeful that he won't mope after his first love for the rest of his life.
3. I'm hoping that I'd get caught
Kevin's running late for his dinner with Nick and Joe - they were supposed to leave from Kev's house an hour ago, but he's still upstairs, getting dressed or something, and Joe's in the kitchen bugging Dani and Dina, so Nick sits down at the piano and starts fooling around. He plays a little bit of a melody Kevin was showing him last time they got together to write, but before long he's playing what he refers to as "The Miley melody" in his head. The next thing he knows, Joe plops down onto the piano bench next to him.
"That sounds great. What is it?"
"I don't know," Nick says, moving through the chords for the chorus.
"Liar. You've got lyrics written already, don't you?" Joe kind of nudges Nick with his shoulder, and Nick smiles.
"Maybe I do."
"You should play it for us," Kevin says, finally coming down the stairs, carrying his shoes in his hand.
"Okay," Nick says, "but be warned, it's a work in progress."
Joe rolls his eyes. "I think we'll understand if it's not masterpiece quality yet."
Nick shoves him with his shoulder, and then starts playing and forgets about his surroundings.
Kevin's eyebrows go up in surprise in the first verse, during the quote from Miley, but Joe waits until Nick sings our anniversary falls eleven nights into June before his eyebrows go up.
When Nick finishes the song, it's quiet for a moment. Nick notices his brother's faces, and the slight looks of surprise on Dina and Dani, who appeared sometime while Nick was playing. He starts to get nervous, and is on the verge of saying it's all a joke, he'd never write anything like that, is someone even getting married? That's weird, but then Kevin breaks the silence.
"What the fuck was that, Nick?" he asks, and Dani lets out a shocked, "Kevin!" and lightly hits his shoulder.
"Did you actually date-drop your anniversary?" Joe asks, sounding completely bewildered.
"Is that a real anniversary?" Dina asks. "Because that's some Taylor Swift-level shit right there."
"Dina!" Dani says in the same tone of voice, and everyone glances at Joe, who's actually nodding.
"No, I agree with her. What's next, are we going to put secret messages in the liner notes?"
"Don't be ridiculous - of course not - look. I was just, you know, writing to work through my feelings. We don't have to record it - hell, I don't even have to perform it ever again. Just - you asked, so." Nick trails off and kind of sighs, trailing his fingers over the piano keys. After a moment (and more than likely, a silent conversation between Joe and Kevin over Nick's head), Joe plays a few notes of the melody and says, "I really liked this little recurring melody."
"Yeah?" Nick says, and he can feel himself almost starting to smile.
"Yeah, I was kind of hearing it played with, like, a toy piano or a xylophone or something."
"Toy piano, yes," Kevin says emphatically.
"Right?" Joe asks, getting excited the way all of them do when they actually talk about music, and the best way to improve songs. "A little toy piano, maybe slightly out of tune."
"To show the way the relationship is kind of out of tune, yes!"
"So, we like it?" Nick asks, hoping to distract Kev and Joe from talking about things being out of tune.
"We like it," Kevin says, grabbing his shoulders and shaking him a little bit. "We might want to give a heads-up before we perform it in public, but we like it."
Nick smiles and starts playing again.
They end up ordering pizza and talking music instead of leaving the house.
4. Maybe we can try one last time
Nick gets an e-mail while he's sitting in traffic, but he only has enough time to see it's been sent to his personal e-mail, not his work one, before he has to pay attention to the road again. He doesn't think about it again for four or five hours, and really only remembers it when he gets a text from Demi that just says Check your e-mail already.
The subject line of the e-mail reads You should cover this at Radio City!! :D!! The only thing in the body is lyrics; Nick doesn't recognize them at first, though he has a pretty good feeling it's gonna be ridiculous, and then he gets to the chorus and something clicks and he's picking up his phone.
Demi is laughing when she answers, but tries to cover it up and say, "Hello?" like a normal person. It doesn't work.
"What is this?" Nick asks, which makes her giggle again, but then she breathes in and out deeply, and sounds normal when she speaks again.
"I was just thinking about that last song you told me about -" (when Kevin and Joe had continued to persist in their idea to use an out of tune toy piano in his song - something out of tune in his song - he couldn't take it anymore and he broke down and talked to Demi about it, which means he complained about things being out of tune for twenty minutes and then spent another thirty talking about Miley and analyzing any and all feelings he might still have for her) "- and I really think it's too personal to play at your first concert in two years. But I don't think you should let the opportunity go by without letting everyone know how you feel about a certain impending marriage, so it just kind of hit me! A perfect song for you to cover! And I know the writer, and I'm pretty sure she'd love to let you sing it."
"Um, I guess that's sweet of you, or whatever, but this isn't exactly my style."
"Oh, pish-posh -"
"Did you really just say pish-posh?"
"- you know I was just talking about the words. Whaddya think? I think they nicely capture what you want to happen at the wedding. There's a phrase in the second verse I think you'll particularly enjoy."
He knows exactly which phrase Demi's talking about. "You wish it was me, don't you," he says kind of listlessly, closing his laptop and leaning back in his chair, staring at the ceiling.
"Yes, exactly!"
"I guess it is kind of the same sentiment I'm going for. Except the opposite, a little."
"Why? Oh," she says, realizing. "You wish it was you." Her voice has taken on that soft tone it gets now whenever they talk, where it seems like she's afraid of speaking too loudly and spooking him out of talking about his feelings. In some ways, he is kind of surprised he's spending so much time actually talking about how he feels with Demi, and in other ways it makes perfect sense. She's so smart when it comes to this stuff, and she knows both of them, has known them when they were (sort of) together and when they were apart, and she listens and cares and she's basically his best friend right now.
It's nice.
"Yeah," he says, and he feels kind of sad for a minute, so he groans and says, "I just got sad over a Taylor Swift song."
"No, you got sad because of a Taylor Swift song, and that happens to the best of us. You got sad over Miley, and that happens to the best of us, too."
Nick huffs out a short laugh. "You know I'm not going to sing this song, or any song by Taylor Swift, at any concert I ever do."
"Hey, I wouldn't knock it. I hear she's got some pretty great stuff coming out. Maybe your next tour will just be Taylor Swift covers."
"Oh, yeah, probably. Joe and Kevin would definitely go for that."
"Pretty sure it's just a short step from singing about her songs to singing her songs," she says with a giggle.
Nick kind of snorts, and then they lapse into a comfortable silence, until a nagging thought gets the better of him. "Hey, Dem?" he asks quietly.
"Hmm?"
"Do you really think I shouldn't sing this song about Miley?"
She sighs. "I think, if it really means that much to you that you had to write it so quickly, that you should," she says slowly. "Especially if your brothers like it."
He lets out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. "Thanks. For talking me through this."
"I do think, though, that you should tell her about it. She deserves to know, right? And not get blindsided."
"I guess you're right," he mumbles.
"And you're welcome. For talking to you. Anytime, you know that."
"And you can talk to me too, you know."
"Yeah? Are you gonna give me boy advice?"
He grimaces. "What about music advice instead?"
She laughs, loud and joyful. "I'll have to take you up on that."
They talk for another half hour, until they both start yawning. After they hang up, Nick looks back over the e-mail again. The last verse kills him a little: baby, I didn't say my vows/so glad you were around/when they said speak now. He doesn't still love Miley - at least, he doesn't think so - but he loses himself in a fantasy for a few minutes where she hears his song, discovers she feels the same way, and they run away together.
It's ridiculous and terrible and he'd never wish that on someone - he's heard Liam's really nice, too, which just makes him feel worse - but that night he dreams of holding Miley's hand and running from a church.
5. I don't want love if it's not you
The night before they fly back to New York for the Radio City show, Nick and Joe are sprawled on Joe's couch, watching the latest episode of The Next on DVR. It's not great; Nick kind of wishes he were watching The X Factor, but it's not allowed in Joe's house, especially since they're "time-slot competitors" or whatever. Joe's been really weird about his terrible reality TV show choices this year. Nick's just glad he doesn't have to pretend to like whatever that dating show was anymore.
His phone dings with a text, and even though Joe kind of glares at him, he still picks it up to check it. It's from Demi: where are you? He types back Joe's, and kind of wonders if she's going to show up there, especially when the next text just says stay there and then I may have done a bad thing.
"What is going on over there, Nicholas? I'm trying to watch my show."
"Yeah, yeah, sorry. I'll put it on silent." He does, and then he puts it on the coffee table, but even though he keeps sending it glances, it doesn't light up again. He's starting to get pretty worried after twenty minutes, and is about to pick it up to call Demi during the next commercial break (which Joe keeps fast-forwarding through; it's basically torture) when Joe's doorbell rings.
"I'll get it," Nick says immediately, jumping up.
Joe doesn't even really look at him, just says, "I'll pause it so you don't miss anything, okay?"
"Great," Nick says, trying his best to not sound disappointed, and heads for the front door. He's expecting Demi, so he freezes when he opens the door and Miley's standing on the other side.
"Hi," she says, smiling. "You look good. I like the hair." She waves her hand in the vague direction of her own hair, which is a much more drastic change than his. He comes to his senses a little and steps out of the house, closing the door behind him.
"Thanks," he says. "Yours looks...really great."
She rubs a hand through it. "Yeah?"
He nods. "Really different, obviously. But great."
"Thanks." She kind of beams at him for a minute, making him nervous. This is weird. This is really weird. Why is Miley here, and why are they talking about haircuts? Is this what Demi was talking about or has she relapsed somewhere, and now two of her friends are talking about ridiculous mundane things while she overdoses in a ditch somewhere? What is going on?
"So why are you here?" he blurts after a minute, and the smile drops from her face. She sighs.
"Demi showed me the lyrics to the song."
"Oh," he says, dropping his gaze to the ground.
"What the hell, Nicky?"
He looks back up at her and shrugs. "I just had to write it. You know."
"Do you really feel like that? Are you still -" she sighs. "Are you not over me?"
"What? No! I mean, yes. Look." He rubs his hands over his face. "I was a little blindsided when you called me, that's all. And, you know, we meant a lot to each other way back when, and you're my first love and you're getting married and it's kind of a big deal and, I don't know. I was having feelings, I guess." He trails off into a mumble, but he knows she heard him by the way she kind of fights a smile.
"Feelings, huh?"
He shrugs.
"And those feelings caused you to drop our anniversary date into a song you're planning on singing to thousands of fans?"
He shrugs again and feels his cheeks heating up. He feels a little like a kid being chastised by an adult - and then he remembers that she started it.
"At least I didn't write a book," he says sharply, and her face suddenly looks like it's made of steel.
"You did not just say that," she says, quietly and full of venom. "I was only sixteen when I wrote that. And we've talked about this, I thought you were over it."
"Well, maybe I'm not."
"Jesus Christ, you've got to be kidding me right now! Are you really bringing up ancient history?"
"Are you really yelling at me over a song I wrote in the heat of the moment? You're engaged, Miles. Shouldn't you be over this petty shit by now?"
She opens her mouth like she's going to say something else, appears to think better of it, and sighs. "Yeah, I should."
"Look," he says quietly. "I won't play it next week if you don't want me to. I just had to get it down, you know?"
She nods, looking away from him, her arms crossed over her chest. After a minute, she says, "Really, Nicky. Are we okay?"
He thinks about it, wanting to give her the truest answer. The one he finally comes up with is, "Yeah. Yeah, we are." He says it with certainty, looking into her eyes, and the smile that spreads across her face is sweet and real.
"Good. Then I think you should play it."
"Really?"
"Absolutely. Just - maybe it needs a disclaimer?"
He laughs. "Yeah, probably."
She looks practically giddy when he laughs, slightly bouncing on the balls of her feet, and then she throws her hands up and says, "What the hell."
He's not expecting her to lean forward and kiss his cheek, but it also doesn't really come as a surprise. She slips her arms around his neck and whispers in his ear, "You were my first love and I wanted you to be my last for such a long time." She kisses his cheek again, and when she pulls back he knows he looks surprised, but he really can't help it.
"Sometimes things just work out the way they should," she says, wiping what he assumes is a lipstick mark off of his cheek. "Goodbye, Nick."
The loss of the y from his name doesn't escape him. He nods and says, "Goodbye, Miley."
He watches as she walks away and only goes inside when she gets in her car and drives around the corner.
A week later he gives a speech that includes the words it's not the way I feel in this moment in time but he doesn't know if he means that anymore.
Fandom: Disney RPF
Pairing: Nick/Miley, Nick/Demi BFFs
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Five moments that led to Nick Jonas playing a song at Radio City Music Hall about Miley Cyrus's future wedding.
Word Count: ~5K (oh my god)
Disclaimer: These people are their own people, I'm just borrowing their names and life stories for a little while. Totally not real, I'm saying.
Author's Note: Un-beta'ed; all mistakes mine, though one or two lines were suggested by conversations I had and/or read in posts talking about this stupid song when it came out. I don't really know where this story came from; Nick Jonas DATE-DROPPED his and Miley's anniversary and I had a lot of feelings and then this happened. I haven't been paying AS MUCH attention to these kids lately, and I haven't written RPF about them for, oh, 3 years, but I did a little twitter research and, I don't know, this is here, eleven nights into June will forever and always be a phrase that gives me a lot of feelings, Nick Jonas continues to be an asshole, etc etc. Also, each section title is a line from "Wedding Bells," because why wouldn't they be?
1. Can you keep a secret?
Nick's sacked out on his couch the last day of May, exactly where he sat down when he got home from How to Succeed's softball game against the team from Nice Work. He's exhausted - even with the show ending, it's been a busy few months.
Tonight, his phone rings about half an hour after he locks his door behind him. He tries to ignore it at first, but a nagging voice in the back of his mind says it could be important, so he groans and snatches it up from the table near his head, answering without even looking at it or moving, really.
"Nicky?" a voice on the other end says, and boom, he's awake, sitting up.
"Hi," he says. He hasn't talked to Miley in years, though he's kept up with her through mutual friends and acquaintances.
"How are you?"
"Good. I'm good. Tired."
"Oh, that's right, it's later there. I'm sorry, did I wake you up?"
"No, no, I've just been busy lately and it's catching up to me. What's up?"
"Are you watching your blood sugar?" she asks, and she sounds worried and stern and suddenly he's fourteen again, and his girlfriend is carrying around an extra insulin shot just in case. He feels himself start to smile.
"Yes, Miley, I'm keeping an eye on it."
"Are you really or are you just saying that? This is important, Nick!"
"Oh my god, yes, I promise! Did you just call to nag me?" He's smiling so wide it hurts a little.
"Oh, no, sorry. I have a real reason for calling, I promise."
She pauses for so long that he can feel himself leaning forward in anticipation. Finally, he says, "And that reason is?"
"It's, well. It's. I can trust you to keep a secret, right?"
"You can always trust me, Miles," he says softly.
"Good." He can hear the smile in her voice, and knows she's pausing for effect now.
And then she drops a bomb.
"Liam and I are engaged. We're telling the press next week, but I wanted you to know first."
His smile drops so fast it's like it was never there at all. He doesn't know how to respond - maybe, for just a minute, he'd thought she was calling him late at night, out of the blue, to tell him she was thinking about him, missing him, maybe they could try again?
But no, of course not, it's only 9:30 where she is, and she and Liam probably just got back from dinner, or something, celebrating their fucking engagement.
She's engaged.
The girl of his dreams, the love of his life, the girl he always assumed he'd settle down with one day is engaged to be married to some co-worker of hers, some guy she met mere days after she kissed Nick on an island in Georgia, told him she'd always love him.
"Nick?" she asks, and he realizes he's been quiet for too long.
"Wow," he says. "That's great!"
"Yeah," she says, and she sounds relieved. "I know it's kind of fast, and we're young or whatever, but I...I just love him so much, you know? We probably won't get married for a while, but we're letting the news come out soon and I thought I should tell you."
"Yeah. Yeah, thanks. Announcing it in early June, huh?" He feels a little like a dick for bringing up their anniversary, however vaguely, but she's the one who put it in her book. He's just mentioning it subtly, just to see what she'll say.
"Well, it's not like the news wouldn't come out soon anyway, plus waiting a few days gives us a little bit of time to ourselves. He's really so great, Nick, I think you'd like him a lot. Maybe the next time we're both in the same state we can meet up or something."
"Yeah, that sounds great." He feels a little like he's been punched in the stomach. She probably doesn't even remember their anniversary anymore, or maybe she just doesn't care. God, he wants off this phone call. "Hey, I'm sorry, but I have to go."
"Oh. Oh, that's okay. Get some sleep."
"I will."
"And, Nicky?"
"Yeah?"
"Are you really happy for me?" She says it softly, like she's kind of afraid to say it out loud. He feels himself deflate a little bit.
"I'm happy if you're happy, Miles."
"Good." He can hear the smile in her voice, and maybe he does feel a little better. Maybe. "Goodnight."
"Bye," he responds, because it feels kind of final. He sets the phone back down on the table, and then starts to hear a little melody in his head. He won't get any sleep 'til he works through it, he just knows, so he heads for his piano.
2. This drink's just setting in
He gets drunk on June 11th.
He just, he can't help it. He spends the day with Joe, and even if Nick doesn't say anything about Miley, Joe just knows, or at least knows that Nick needs a distraction. They go mini-golfing and to the movies; Nick has half of Joe's beer at lunch, almost all of his beer at the putt-putt place, two beers with dinner, and then he's on Joe's couch, a bottle in one hand and his phone in the other, and he's scrolling through the names.
"Probably not a good idea to call anyone just now, little brother," Joe says, leaning across Nick and reaching for his phone. Nick leans away from him, reaching his arm out as far as he can, and Joe ends up sprawled on top of him, his hand only reaching Nick's elbow. He sighs, and then moves back into his own space. "Okay. But don't say I didn't warn you."
"I'm not calling anyone," Nick says, but he swipes his finger over Miley's name and her contact comes up. Her picture is one from the last time they had lunch together, when she stole his phone when he was in the bathroom and snapped it at the table, and then changed her name in his phone to the best person in the world :) :) :) :). He's transferred the photo over to three different phones since then, and he only feels a little lame about that.
"If you're not calling anyone, you won't mind if I just take this," Joe says, and then he reaches across Nick again, so quickly Nick doesn't realize Joe has his phone until he's halfway across the room.
"Miley? You were about to drunk-dial Miley?"
"I wasn't about to drunk-dial anyone. Give me my phone back, douchebag."
"Nick, I know she just got engaged, or whatever, and you haven't had a date in a really long time -"
"It's only been four months!"
"- and that's usually when you start pining over Miley, but you've gotta get over this, dude. She's moved on."
Nick crosses his arms over his chest and makes a face much like a pout, but he's definitely not pouting since he doesn't do that. "Today's our anniversary," he says, hoping that Joe'll go, "Oh, man, I'm so sorry. Do you want another beer?" or something.
"What anniversary?" he says instead. "You don't have an anniversary. She's with Thor's little brother now!"
Nick groans and puts his head in his hands. "I knooooow."
Joe drops back down on the couch next to Nick. "I know how much you meant to each other, but it's over now. You can remember the past, but you gotta stop living in it. She has."
"She called me, you know."
Joe doesn't say anything, but his eyebrows go up the tiniest bit.
"The night she got engaged. She called to tell me. She said she just wanted me to know first, but... ." He shrugs.
Joe sighs. "She's just being nice, Nick. It doesn't mean anything."
"Yeah. Yeah, I guess you're right." Nick exhales and kind of relaxes into the couch. After a minute, he can feel Joe leaning over onto him reassuringly. He thinks about closing his eyes and staying there, maybe trying to sleep, and then he reaches for his phone still in Joe's hand, snags it, and rushes for the bathroom.
"You're gonna regret this tomorrow!" Joe calls, but at least he lets Nick lock himself into the bathroom without running after him.
Nick leans against the door anyway, just in case, and scrolls through his contacts again. He thinks about calling Miley, has his finger over the call button, but then he changes his mind and scrolls back up, presses call for another contact before he can second-guess himself.
Demi answers after three rings, sounding groggy and confused, and Nick suddenly feels like a jerk for calling his recently-sober friend while drunk in the middle of the night, but he'd feel like an even bigger jerk for calling and then hanging up, so he says, "Hey."
Or, he means to say "Hey," but what actually comes out is, "Miley's getting married to the guy from the Hunger Games but I think I still love her."
"Josh Hutcherson?" Demi says, sounding a little more awake.
"Yeah, it turns out she fell in love with him when Liam introduced them."
"Hey, no sarcasm, you woke me up."
Nick slides down the door to sit on the tile. "I know, I'm sorry."
"Eh, it's okay, I operate better on less sleep anyway."
Nick cringes. "You know what, I'm gonna let you go, this isn't that important."
"Don't you dare, Nicholas. You called me at two o'clock in the morning and now as punishment you actually have to talk about your feelings."
"Do I really have to?"
"Yes! You're the one who used the word 'love,' so, let's talk about it."
"I dunno," he mumbles, running his finger over the grout between the tile next to him. He stops when he glances at his now-black fingertip. "I dunno how I feel."
"Is it possible that you're just nostalgic for a simpler time? The young love you had when you were fourteen?"
"I don't think that's it. I think... . No." He rubs the dirt on his finger off onto his pants, leaving a dark streak on his thigh that'll bug him later.
"Nope, no second-guessing on this phone call, you say whatever the hell you were just thinking, regardless of how stupid it is."
"I just kind of always thought we'd get married or something, you know? She was just...she was always there for me."
"It's hard to imagine your love is a story with an end, huh?"
"Yeah. Yeah! That's exactly it!" The phrase is so perfect, he kind of can't believe he didn't come up with it himself, or put it in a song, or - wait. He's heard it before. "Is that a line from Miley's book?"
Demi laughs. "I'm sorry, it's not funny, but you were so excited when I said that."
"Well, I guess it's how I feel."
"You're mumbling again, dude."
He sighs. "Is it stupid of me to feel this way?"
"No," she says immediately, her voice quiet but firm. "Absolutely not. What you had was real, and probably one of the most important things to happen to either one of you at that point in your lives. But! It is in the past. She's with Liam now, and she's happy, she really is. You can have a couple of nights of drunken introspection, but I think you should leave it at that and let her be."
"Yeah, okay. God, you're so smart, Dem, you know that?"
"I have my moments, yes. Now. Are you feeling better?"
"I guess. I think maybe I'm just lonely."
"You can always call me, Nick," she says softly.
He smiles. "I know. Even drunk and in the middle of the night."
"Exactly, and I'll always try my hardest to answer."
"Because you're the best."
"Yes, because I'm the best." She yawns. "I'm also the sleepiest. Are you gonna be okay?"
"I think so. Go back to sleep, Demi."
"If you insist," she says, and then hangs up on him. Nick laughs and then heads back to the living room, where Joe is still sitting on the couch, playing a game on his phone.
"And what did Miss Cyrus have to say?" he asks, in that snotty older brother I know better than you way he gets sometimes.
Nick thinks about telling him about Demi - Joe still has a weird relationship with her, where he clams up whenever someone mentions her and never talks about her if he can help it, but Nick knows for a fact that Skyscraper is in his Top 25 Most Played playlist in iTunes.
Instead of mentioning her, Nick just shrugs. "She didn't answer."
"You didn't leave a voice-mail, did you? Because only the person who receives it can delete it, Nick. You can't get it back." He looks so worried that Nick laughs.
"Nah, I didn't."
Joe actually makes a phew noise, and then says, "Good. Maybe tomorrow morning won't be too bad for you after all."
"Yeah. Maybe," Nick says, suddenly feeling kind of hopeful that he won't mope after his first love for the rest of his life.
3. I'm hoping that I'd get caught
Kevin's running late for his dinner with Nick and Joe - they were supposed to leave from Kev's house an hour ago, but he's still upstairs, getting dressed or something, and Joe's in the kitchen bugging Dani and Dina, so Nick sits down at the piano and starts fooling around. He plays a little bit of a melody Kevin was showing him last time they got together to write, but before long he's playing what he refers to as "The Miley melody" in his head. The next thing he knows, Joe plops down onto the piano bench next to him.
"That sounds great. What is it?"
"I don't know," Nick says, moving through the chords for the chorus.
"Liar. You've got lyrics written already, don't you?" Joe kind of nudges Nick with his shoulder, and Nick smiles.
"Maybe I do."
"You should play it for us," Kevin says, finally coming down the stairs, carrying his shoes in his hand.
"Okay," Nick says, "but be warned, it's a work in progress."
Joe rolls his eyes. "I think we'll understand if it's not masterpiece quality yet."
Nick shoves him with his shoulder, and then starts playing and forgets about his surroundings.
Kevin's eyebrows go up in surprise in the first verse, during the quote from Miley, but Joe waits until Nick sings our anniversary falls eleven nights into June before his eyebrows go up.
When Nick finishes the song, it's quiet for a moment. Nick notices his brother's faces, and the slight looks of surprise on Dina and Dani, who appeared sometime while Nick was playing. He starts to get nervous, and is on the verge of saying it's all a joke, he'd never write anything like that, is someone even getting married? That's weird, but then Kevin breaks the silence.
"What the fuck was that, Nick?" he asks, and Dani lets out a shocked, "Kevin!" and lightly hits his shoulder.
"Did you actually date-drop your anniversary?" Joe asks, sounding completely bewildered.
"Is that a real anniversary?" Dina asks. "Because that's some Taylor Swift-level shit right there."
"Dina!" Dani says in the same tone of voice, and everyone glances at Joe, who's actually nodding.
"No, I agree with her. What's next, are we going to put secret messages in the liner notes?"
"Don't be ridiculous - of course not - look. I was just, you know, writing to work through my feelings. We don't have to record it - hell, I don't even have to perform it ever again. Just - you asked, so." Nick trails off and kind of sighs, trailing his fingers over the piano keys. After a moment (and more than likely, a silent conversation between Joe and Kevin over Nick's head), Joe plays a few notes of the melody and says, "I really liked this little recurring melody."
"Yeah?" Nick says, and he can feel himself almost starting to smile.
"Yeah, I was kind of hearing it played with, like, a toy piano or a xylophone or something."
"Toy piano, yes," Kevin says emphatically.
"Right?" Joe asks, getting excited the way all of them do when they actually talk about music, and the best way to improve songs. "A little toy piano, maybe slightly out of tune."
"To show the way the relationship is kind of out of tune, yes!"
"So, we like it?" Nick asks, hoping to distract Kev and Joe from talking about things being out of tune.
"We like it," Kevin says, grabbing his shoulders and shaking him a little bit. "We might want to give a heads-up before we perform it in public, but we like it."
Nick smiles and starts playing again.
They end up ordering pizza and talking music instead of leaving the house.
4. Maybe we can try one last time
Nick gets an e-mail while he's sitting in traffic, but he only has enough time to see it's been sent to his personal e-mail, not his work one, before he has to pay attention to the road again. He doesn't think about it again for four or five hours, and really only remembers it when he gets a text from Demi that just says Check your e-mail already.
The subject line of the e-mail reads You should cover this at Radio City!! :D!! The only thing in the body is lyrics; Nick doesn't recognize them at first, though he has a pretty good feeling it's gonna be ridiculous, and then he gets to the chorus and something clicks and he's picking up his phone.
Demi is laughing when she answers, but tries to cover it up and say, "Hello?" like a normal person. It doesn't work.
"What is this?" Nick asks, which makes her giggle again, but then she breathes in and out deeply, and sounds normal when she speaks again.
"I was just thinking about that last song you told me about -" (when Kevin and Joe had continued to persist in their idea to use an out of tune toy piano in his song - something out of tune in his song - he couldn't take it anymore and he broke down and talked to Demi about it, which means he complained about things being out of tune for twenty minutes and then spent another thirty talking about Miley and analyzing any and all feelings he might still have for her) "- and I really think it's too personal to play at your first concert in two years. But I don't think you should let the opportunity go by without letting everyone know how you feel about a certain impending marriage, so it just kind of hit me! A perfect song for you to cover! And I know the writer, and I'm pretty sure she'd love to let you sing it."
"Um, I guess that's sweet of you, or whatever, but this isn't exactly my style."
"Oh, pish-posh -"
"Did you really just say pish-posh?"
"- you know I was just talking about the words. Whaddya think? I think they nicely capture what you want to happen at the wedding. There's a phrase in the second verse I think you'll particularly enjoy."
He knows exactly which phrase Demi's talking about. "You wish it was me, don't you," he says kind of listlessly, closing his laptop and leaning back in his chair, staring at the ceiling.
"Yes, exactly!"
"I guess it is kind of the same sentiment I'm going for. Except the opposite, a little."
"Why? Oh," she says, realizing. "You wish it was you." Her voice has taken on that soft tone it gets now whenever they talk, where it seems like she's afraid of speaking too loudly and spooking him out of talking about his feelings. In some ways, he is kind of surprised he's spending so much time actually talking about how he feels with Demi, and in other ways it makes perfect sense. She's so smart when it comes to this stuff, and she knows both of them, has known them when they were (sort of) together and when they were apart, and she listens and cares and she's basically his best friend right now.
It's nice.
"Yeah," he says, and he feels kind of sad for a minute, so he groans and says, "I just got sad over a Taylor Swift song."
"No, you got sad because of a Taylor Swift song, and that happens to the best of us. You got sad over Miley, and that happens to the best of us, too."
Nick huffs out a short laugh. "You know I'm not going to sing this song, or any song by Taylor Swift, at any concert I ever do."
"Hey, I wouldn't knock it. I hear she's got some pretty great stuff coming out. Maybe your next tour will just be Taylor Swift covers."
"Oh, yeah, probably. Joe and Kevin would definitely go for that."
"Pretty sure it's just a short step from singing about her songs to singing her songs," she says with a giggle.
Nick kind of snorts, and then they lapse into a comfortable silence, until a nagging thought gets the better of him. "Hey, Dem?" he asks quietly.
"Hmm?"
"Do you really think I shouldn't sing this song about Miley?"
She sighs. "I think, if it really means that much to you that you had to write it so quickly, that you should," she says slowly. "Especially if your brothers like it."
He lets out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. "Thanks. For talking me through this."
"I do think, though, that you should tell her about it. She deserves to know, right? And not get blindsided."
"I guess you're right," he mumbles.
"And you're welcome. For talking to you. Anytime, you know that."
"And you can talk to me too, you know."
"Yeah? Are you gonna give me boy advice?"
He grimaces. "What about music advice instead?"
She laughs, loud and joyful. "I'll have to take you up on that."
They talk for another half hour, until they both start yawning. After they hang up, Nick looks back over the e-mail again. The last verse kills him a little: baby, I didn't say my vows/so glad you were around/when they said speak now. He doesn't still love Miley - at least, he doesn't think so - but he loses himself in a fantasy for a few minutes where she hears his song, discovers she feels the same way, and they run away together.
It's ridiculous and terrible and he'd never wish that on someone - he's heard Liam's really nice, too, which just makes him feel worse - but that night he dreams of holding Miley's hand and running from a church.
5. I don't want love if it's not you
The night before they fly back to New York for the Radio City show, Nick and Joe are sprawled on Joe's couch, watching the latest episode of The Next on DVR. It's not great; Nick kind of wishes he were watching The X Factor, but it's not allowed in Joe's house, especially since they're "time-slot competitors" or whatever. Joe's been really weird about his terrible reality TV show choices this year. Nick's just glad he doesn't have to pretend to like whatever that dating show was anymore.
His phone dings with a text, and even though Joe kind of glares at him, he still picks it up to check it. It's from Demi: where are you? He types back Joe's, and kind of wonders if she's going to show up there, especially when the next text just says stay there and then I may have done a bad thing.
"What is going on over there, Nicholas? I'm trying to watch my show."
"Yeah, yeah, sorry. I'll put it on silent." He does, and then he puts it on the coffee table, but even though he keeps sending it glances, it doesn't light up again. He's starting to get pretty worried after twenty minutes, and is about to pick it up to call Demi during the next commercial break (which Joe keeps fast-forwarding through; it's basically torture) when Joe's doorbell rings.
"I'll get it," Nick says immediately, jumping up.
Joe doesn't even really look at him, just says, "I'll pause it so you don't miss anything, okay?"
"Great," Nick says, trying his best to not sound disappointed, and heads for the front door. He's expecting Demi, so he freezes when he opens the door and Miley's standing on the other side.
"Hi," she says, smiling. "You look good. I like the hair." She waves her hand in the vague direction of her own hair, which is a much more drastic change than his. He comes to his senses a little and steps out of the house, closing the door behind him.
"Thanks," he says. "Yours looks...really great."
She rubs a hand through it. "Yeah?"
He nods. "Really different, obviously. But great."
"Thanks." She kind of beams at him for a minute, making him nervous. This is weird. This is really weird. Why is Miley here, and why are they talking about haircuts? Is this what Demi was talking about or has she relapsed somewhere, and now two of her friends are talking about ridiculous mundane things while she overdoses in a ditch somewhere? What is going on?
"So why are you here?" he blurts after a minute, and the smile drops from her face. She sighs.
"Demi showed me the lyrics to the song."
"Oh," he says, dropping his gaze to the ground.
"What the hell, Nicky?"
He looks back up at her and shrugs. "I just had to write it. You know."
"Do you really feel like that? Are you still -" she sighs. "Are you not over me?"
"What? No! I mean, yes. Look." He rubs his hands over his face. "I was a little blindsided when you called me, that's all. And, you know, we meant a lot to each other way back when, and you're my first love and you're getting married and it's kind of a big deal and, I don't know. I was having feelings, I guess." He trails off into a mumble, but he knows she heard him by the way she kind of fights a smile.
"Feelings, huh?"
He shrugs.
"And those feelings caused you to drop our anniversary date into a song you're planning on singing to thousands of fans?"
He shrugs again and feels his cheeks heating up. He feels a little like a kid being chastised by an adult - and then he remembers that she started it.
"At least I didn't write a book," he says sharply, and her face suddenly looks like it's made of steel.
"You did not just say that," she says, quietly and full of venom. "I was only sixteen when I wrote that. And we've talked about this, I thought you were over it."
"Well, maybe I'm not."
"Jesus Christ, you've got to be kidding me right now! Are you really bringing up ancient history?"
"Are you really yelling at me over a song I wrote in the heat of the moment? You're engaged, Miles. Shouldn't you be over this petty shit by now?"
She opens her mouth like she's going to say something else, appears to think better of it, and sighs. "Yeah, I should."
"Look," he says quietly. "I won't play it next week if you don't want me to. I just had to get it down, you know?"
She nods, looking away from him, her arms crossed over her chest. After a minute, she says, "Really, Nicky. Are we okay?"
He thinks about it, wanting to give her the truest answer. The one he finally comes up with is, "Yeah. Yeah, we are." He says it with certainty, looking into her eyes, and the smile that spreads across her face is sweet and real.
"Good. Then I think you should play it."
"Really?"
"Absolutely. Just - maybe it needs a disclaimer?"
He laughs. "Yeah, probably."
She looks practically giddy when he laughs, slightly bouncing on the balls of her feet, and then she throws her hands up and says, "What the hell."
He's not expecting her to lean forward and kiss his cheek, but it also doesn't really come as a surprise. She slips her arms around his neck and whispers in his ear, "You were my first love and I wanted you to be my last for such a long time." She kisses his cheek again, and when she pulls back he knows he looks surprised, but he really can't help it.
"Sometimes things just work out the way they should," she says, wiping what he assumes is a lipstick mark off of his cheek. "Goodbye, Nick."
The loss of the y from his name doesn't escape him. He nods and says, "Goodbye, Miley."
He watches as she walks away and only goes inside when she gets in her car and drives around the corner.
A week later he gives a speech that includes the words it's not the way I feel in this moment in time but he doesn't know if he means that anymore.