(no subject)
Note: this isn't for anyone else but the people it's addressed to. I realize the likelihood of either of them finding it is rather nil, but eh. I don't want anyone else involved in my drama/bs, because well, it's my drama/bs. I seem to drag myself into it. If you want to comment you can (hell i'm not one to stop you), but I figured this was easier than trying to mail each party involved.
Okay, here goes....
THE REAL REASON ASHLY'S ANGRY:
Yeah, I've had some time to calm down and think about it. I'm going to explain myself and that's it, okay?
Janna and Adam- here's the real reason I'm angry with you. I tried to be friends. I tried hard for you guys and I tried not to let any of my feelings get in the way because at that point in my life I was pretty messed up emotionally and I knew no good would come of it. Every time you guys got in a fight I was there to listen to both sides and gave the advice I thought was right. I didn't try and break you guys up. I just came to think that neither of you really cared about my feelings and that the only time either of you seemed interested in me was when you were pissed at each other. Hell I might be wrong but that's how I saw it and I tested the theory but just going away because I thought it would be easier on you guys as a couple and me as an individual.
Janna, you responded by saying I abandoned you. You didn't ask how I felt, you simply reacted and thought of how it affected you. That in turn angered me and I didn't try to explain myself, I simply lashed out, and you responded by saying I was angry at something I wasn't really angry at, hence, more lashing out.
Adam-you didn't say anything. Despite the fact that you say now that you care, actions tend to speak more loudly than words. I thought you were only interested in my friendship when you thought you might lose Janna, and when I left and you said nothing, I took it as proof.
So that's it. I was hurt and angry and neither of you guys seemed to take the time to consider my feelings.
Now for the NEWER things.
Joe and I relationship is just that, ours. Janna I don't mind that you talk to Joe. Me being mad at you is no reason for him to be mad with you, but you stepped over the line when you asked how he could date someone like me. It rather had the effect of poking a tiger with a sharp stick, and I reacted with hurt and anger. I realize that the reason why you said these things may have been for good or ill, just the fact that you said them was the most upsetting to me. So please don't do that again. My relationship with Joe is one of the few things in my life that have a tendency to go right, and you interfering with that hurt me, so I turned into a raging bitch.
So that's it. I like the idea of us leaving each other alone, but I felt I had to explain myself. I get hurt very easily so I hope you understand that. I'm not trying to be the bigger woman, I'm not trying to hurt you guys. It just seems that every time something comes up with you guys I end up getting hurt again. So that's it. Go live your lives. I'm Emo.
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Re-hash:
Fuck this. I don't have anything to apologize for. Your both selfish people who only think about how things affect you.
Okay, here goes....
THE REAL REASON ASHLY'S ANGRY:
Yeah, I've had some time to calm down and think about it. I'm going to explain myself and that's it, okay?
Janna and Adam- here's the real reason I'm angry with you. I tried to be friends. I tried hard for you guys and I tried not to let any of my feelings get in the way because at that point in my life I was pretty messed up emotionally and I knew no good would come of it. Every time you guys got in a fight I was there to listen to both sides and gave the advice I thought was right. I didn't try and break you guys up. I just came to think that neither of you really cared about my feelings and that the only time either of you seemed interested in me was when you were pissed at each other. Hell I might be wrong but that's how I saw it and I tested the theory but just going away because I thought it would be easier on you guys as a couple and me as an individual.
Janna, you responded by saying I abandoned you. You didn't ask how I felt, you simply reacted and thought of how it affected you. That in turn angered me and I didn't try to explain myself, I simply lashed out, and you responded by saying I was angry at something I wasn't really angry at, hence, more lashing out.
Adam-you didn't say anything. Despite the fact that you say now that you care, actions tend to speak more loudly than words. I thought you were only interested in my friendship when you thought you might lose Janna, and when I left and you said nothing, I took it as proof.
So that's it. I was hurt and angry and neither of you guys seemed to take the time to consider my feelings.
Now for the NEWER things.
Joe and I relationship is just that, ours. Janna I don't mind that you talk to Joe. Me being mad at you is no reason for him to be mad with you, but you stepped over the line when you asked how he could date someone like me. It rather had the effect of poking a tiger with a sharp stick, and I reacted with hurt and anger. I realize that the reason why you said these things may have been for good or ill, just the fact that you said them was the most upsetting to me. So please don't do that again. My relationship with Joe is one of the few things in my life that have a tendency to go right, and you interfering with that hurt me, so I turned into a raging bitch.
So that's it. I like the idea of us leaving each other alone, but I felt I had to explain myself. I get hurt very easily so I hope you understand that. I'm not trying to be the bigger woman, I'm not trying to hurt you guys. It just seems that every time something comes up with you guys I end up getting hurt again. So that's it. Go live your lives. I'm Emo.
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Re-hash:
Fuck this. I don't have anything to apologize for. Your both selfish people who only think about how things affect you.