Early morning musings
It wasn't so much comfort as it was familiar, something half remembered from a dream. A one night stand that has recurred so many times it's a ritual, but always different, always surprising, never safe. Was it ever? I can't remember how it was, back then. Vague memories of clinging nights, of sentiments softly spoken and sure to be betrayed. Looking back, and perhaps it shouldn't have been so shocking, the way it all came to an end. Perhaps there was warning, but at the time there was too much love to see it. To use a cliche, I suppose it blinded me.
All that I can remember now really is just...moments. Tiny, insignificant moments in the dark. Those times when I felt like I'd come home. I suppose that will always be what I'll miss, that dellusion of stability. The false hope of unending happiness. And now all that remains is that lingering familiarity of physivcality, nothing more. Maybe there never really was any more to it than that. It would be nice to hope that there was, but these weeks of bitterness and sorrow seem to have hollowed out any real rememberance of love. No longer would we wish to posess one another, because there is nothing more to see for either of us. That was all I was and all I could have been. And to give that much and go so far, when it all gets ripped to shreds, well, you really can't go back. I gave you the best, the worst, the most of me, and I can't seem to get it back. Now everything is distant, I see it vaguely and feel it fleetingly.
Lust is the safe emotion, lust is the impure and gripping emotion that you can throw away when you're finished. Lust is all that should have been, but like fools we turned it into something that could hurt and scar. Like every pair of naive and broken children before us, we let a simple feeling envelop us in something more sinister and consuming. Something that ate me alive. Something that could turn cold and break me. Distance is needed, distance is pure. Distance from myself, release from myself. Physical - that can be trusted. Emotional - you're in trouble, kids. Dream of me, don't wake me up. Wake me up when the distance has brought me back. Back to something more tangible, but until then, I dream, and it's beautiful, and dance, dance like no one's watching. Dance like you've never been hurt, lust like you've never been left.
But I think in all, it's what's needed. To see things for what they were and are and could or should be. See it all in one moment. Look to the stars and you're gone.
All that I can remember now really is just...moments. Tiny, insignificant moments in the dark. Those times when I felt like I'd come home. I suppose that will always be what I'll miss, that dellusion of stability. The false hope of unending happiness. And now all that remains is that lingering familiarity of physivcality, nothing more. Maybe there never really was any more to it than that. It would be nice to hope that there was, but these weeks of bitterness and sorrow seem to have hollowed out any real rememberance of love. No longer would we wish to posess one another, because there is nothing more to see for either of us. That was all I was and all I could have been. And to give that much and go so far, when it all gets ripped to shreds, well, you really can't go back. I gave you the best, the worst, the most of me, and I can't seem to get it back. Now everything is distant, I see it vaguely and feel it fleetingly.
Lust is the safe emotion, lust is the impure and gripping emotion that you can throw away when you're finished. Lust is all that should have been, but like fools we turned it into something that could hurt and scar. Like every pair of naive and broken children before us, we let a simple feeling envelop us in something more sinister and consuming. Something that ate me alive. Something that could turn cold and break me. Distance is needed, distance is pure. Distance from myself, release from myself. Physical - that can be trusted. Emotional - you're in trouble, kids. Dream of me, don't wake me up. Wake me up when the distance has brought me back. Back to something more tangible, but until then, I dream, and it's beautiful, and dance, dance like no one's watching. Dance like you've never been hurt, lust like you've never been left.
But I think in all, it's what's needed. To see things for what they were and are and could or should be. See it all in one moment. Look to the stars and you're gone.