Back but by myself....
LJ came to me as a fragrant epiphany in the early hours of insomnia to which I have become accustomed to.... What way to express myself than to write write write on a virtual canvas where next to everyone can see but next to no one will read... Express my thoughts; amassed over the 177 weeks that my good forgotten virtual friend has been neglected... we sir/madam are one in the same, kindred spirits in this spherical illusion of life. Ah anyway, enough with babble-quack and into the murky depths of myself...
I'm disillusioned... and as you can see from the size (note to self: livejournal now supports rich text, fecking great and there I was typing in the html codes; and . psh). Anyway, I'm disillusioned with life, I have no-one who misses me. eh, ok, suck it up, blah de blah, and yes there are worse people off in this world, way worse and I should be happy for me and sorry for them... BUT I'm not! Im sad for me and sad for them! I'm here alone... I spend my time alone... ofcourse I'm not totally alone but I have no people who are tight, no security here... I feel so alone. *sigh*
When people just forget you, people you held near and dear... It hurts, but then when you have no means to express it... you just take it. I have always been cheery, tried to look on the brighter side, but now there is no brighter (There is in my JP, but this is a diff aspect I'm unhappy about) side... I don't have a job, I have family commitments and obligations and I feel drained. I don't know what to do in my life and I have no-one to fall back on.
I have lost so many friends, I guess its down to myself... I have done many lil and big wrongs but I have given my all to everyone I care about, even to given my all to help people I don't even know. I haven't given ever to receive but sometimes it feels nice when you get it back, makes you more motivated to do again (even though I always do)
I just don't know... I'm sorry CJ for being such a bad friend, I havent contacted you since my start back at uni where we grew apart because I thought u were better off without me... a "beg friend" as ya said... I guess I was...
I miss so many people... but I know means nothing when its unrequited....
It hurts that people can forget n displace so easily... I helped you so much A and L... and A you just ignored me after I felt your pain, I loved u bro, it pained me when I saw you hurt in hospital but I was there. I spoke to you and L about how I felt about being undermined and displaced by C; poured my heart out so you could help but you never listened, you just laughed and scolded me and disliked me for it.
But I WAS undermined, I found out from our mutual mates that I was badmouthed at Varsity, effectively made to be alienated... yet he was so sweet to my face... still is... but it doesn't matter now. I dunno where I am going now... I'm sleepy and just writing crap and moaning and I am sick of myself already... I have so much to write but I can't get it out effectively and am going to sound like a dweeb... ah well, time to retire... mite be back my old friend to smother the tints and hues of my life over your blank canvas... I hope I will, and I hope it helps...
I'm disillusioned... and as you can see from the size (note to self: livejournal now supports rich text, fecking great and there I was typing in the html codes; and . psh). Anyway, I'm disillusioned with life, I have no-one who misses me. eh, ok, suck it up, blah de blah, and yes there are worse people off in this world, way worse and I should be happy for me and sorry for them... BUT I'm not! Im sad for me and sad for them! I'm here alone... I spend my time alone... ofcourse I'm not totally alone but I have no people who are tight, no security here... I feel so alone. *sigh*
When people just forget you, people you held near and dear... It hurts, but then when you have no means to express it... you just take it. I have always been cheery, tried to look on the brighter side, but now there is no brighter (There is in my JP, but this is a diff aspect I'm unhappy about) side... I don't have a job, I have family commitments and obligations and I feel drained. I don't know what to do in my life and I have no-one to fall back on.
I have lost so many friends, I guess its down to myself... I have done many lil and big wrongs but I have given my all to everyone I care about, even to given my all to help people I don't even know. I haven't given ever to receive but sometimes it feels nice when you get it back, makes you more motivated to do again (even though I always do)
I just don't know... I'm sorry CJ for being such a bad friend, I havent contacted you since my start back at uni where we grew apart because I thought u were better off without me... a "beg friend" as ya said... I guess I was...
I miss so many people... but I know means nothing when its unrequited....
It hurts that people can forget n displace so easily... I helped you so much A and L... and A you just ignored me after I felt your pain, I loved u bro, it pained me when I saw you hurt in hospital but I was there. I spoke to you and L about how I felt about being undermined and displaced by C; poured my heart out so you could help but you never listened, you just laughed and scolded me and disliked me for it.
But I WAS undermined, I found out from our mutual mates that I was badmouthed at Varsity, effectively made to be alienated... yet he was so sweet to my face... still is... but it doesn't matter now. I dunno where I am going now... I'm sleepy and just writing crap and moaning and I am sick of myself already... I have so much to write but I can't get it out effectively and am going to sound like a dweeb... ah well, time to retire... mite be back my old friend to smother the tints and hues of my life over your blank canvas... I hope I will, and I hope it helps...