As Damien Rice Would Say…
Fuck you! Fuck you!!!
Fuck the fifteenth, fuck your face, your eyes. Fuck your hands and the way it felt to be against your chest. Fuck you. Fuck your image that still won’t quit my dreams. Fuck waking up every morning only to realize that reality sucks. Fuck you for not caring. Fuck you for killing me. Fuck you for not being able to kill everything. Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you!!! Fuck you for making me cry myself to sleep again. Fuck you for the only way I can sleep soundly is to tire myself with tears. Fuck you for distracting me in class. Fuck you for being such a shitty person. Fuck you for making me fall in love with you. Fuck you for making me feel a neverending heartache. Fuck you for not feeling the same. Fuck you and the zoo girls you adore. Fuck you for never giving me a chance. Fuck you for devoting almost a year and a half to you and now a year and a half more to overcoming the memories. Fuck you for not valuing what we had. Fuck you for not fighting!! Fuck you for reducing me to a fragile fucking pathetic mess. Fuck you! Fuck you and your ability to make me still do anything for you. Fuck you for being in everything I see, hear, feel. Fuck you for filling all my free thoughts, for my constant whining about you. Fuck you for not seeing me, for not understanding. Fuck you for making me think you did. Fuck you for making me think you were different. Fuck me for thinking you were. Fuck you, fuck you, and fuck that I’d still do anything to go back. Fuck fuck FUCK!! Fuck any security of past, present or future that I once had. Fuck you for the nothing I feel, fuck you for my endless lonliness. Fuck you for my being scared to work in my Cine group because they all wear crosses. Fuck you for making me uneasy and more insecure about my identity. Fuck you for making me think I was worth it. Fuck you! Fuck frisbee and all the nights I wasted waiting for you. Fuck you for filling my trip to Spain with painful memories. Fuck John Carroll and having to see you in person. Fuck you for my empty smiles and laughter. Fuck you for not valuing me as a person. Fuck you for using me. Fuck you for being a coward. Fuck you. Fuck you!! Fuck people hanging out with you acting like everything is fine. Fuck you for leaving me, fuck you for probably telling everyone that we broke up. Fuck you for making me think that you loved me for being me. Fuck you for making me think that you loved me. Fuck you for going on, not realizing what you do to me everyday. Fuck you for residing in my mind for the rest of my life, whether you deserve it or not. Fuck you for destroying my happiness, fuck you for bringing it. Fuck your broken record phone call ringing in my ears. Fuck you for all the pain. All the fucking pain.
Fuck you for thinking this is the right thing. Fuck you for not proving me wrong. Fuck you! Fuck you fuck everything we had fuck you!!!
What is the hardest thing? What exactly is it? For you it was not breaking up.
Why are you doing this?? Why?? You’re so selfish!!
Truth doesn’t make a noise. Not a fucking noise.
You don’t know what you’re doing. You can’t.
Don’t let us lose it.
Nights like these I scare myself with the comfort I find in drastic thoughts.
Fuck you for that too.
Fuck the fifteenth, fuck your face, your eyes. Fuck your hands and the way it felt to be against your chest. Fuck you. Fuck your image that still won’t quit my dreams. Fuck waking up every morning only to realize that reality sucks. Fuck you for not caring. Fuck you for killing me. Fuck you for not being able to kill everything. Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you!!! Fuck you for making me cry myself to sleep again. Fuck you for the only way I can sleep soundly is to tire myself with tears. Fuck you for distracting me in class. Fuck you for being such a shitty person. Fuck you for making me fall in love with you. Fuck you for making me feel a neverending heartache. Fuck you for not feeling the same. Fuck you and the zoo girls you adore. Fuck you for never giving me a chance. Fuck you for devoting almost a year and a half to you and now a year and a half more to overcoming the memories. Fuck you for not valuing what we had. Fuck you for not fighting!! Fuck you for reducing me to a fragile fucking pathetic mess. Fuck you! Fuck you and your ability to make me still do anything for you. Fuck you for being in everything I see, hear, feel. Fuck you for filling all my free thoughts, for my constant whining about you. Fuck you for not seeing me, for not understanding. Fuck you for making me think you did. Fuck you for making me think you were different. Fuck me for thinking you were. Fuck you, fuck you, and fuck that I’d still do anything to go back. Fuck fuck FUCK!! Fuck any security of past, present or future that I once had. Fuck you for the nothing I feel, fuck you for my endless lonliness. Fuck you for my being scared to work in my Cine group because they all wear crosses. Fuck you for making me uneasy and more insecure about my identity. Fuck you for making me think I was worth it. Fuck you! Fuck frisbee and all the nights I wasted waiting for you. Fuck you for filling my trip to Spain with painful memories. Fuck John Carroll and having to see you in person. Fuck you for my empty smiles and laughter. Fuck you for not valuing me as a person. Fuck you for using me. Fuck you for being a coward. Fuck you. Fuck you!! Fuck people hanging out with you acting like everything is fine. Fuck you for leaving me, fuck you for probably telling everyone that we broke up. Fuck you for making me think that you loved me for being me. Fuck you for making me think that you loved me. Fuck you for going on, not realizing what you do to me everyday. Fuck you for residing in my mind for the rest of my life, whether you deserve it or not. Fuck you for destroying my happiness, fuck you for bringing it. Fuck your broken record phone call ringing in my ears. Fuck you for all the pain. All the fucking pain.
Fuck you for thinking this is the right thing. Fuck you for not proving me wrong. Fuck you! Fuck you fuck everything we had fuck you!!!
What is the hardest thing? What exactly is it? For you it was not breaking up.
Why are you doing this?? Why?? You’re so selfish!!
Truth doesn’t make a noise. Not a fucking noise.
You don’t know what you’re doing. You can’t.
Don’t let us lose it.
Nights like these I scare myself with the comfort I find in drastic thoughts.
Fuck you for that too.