new year, new life, fresh start... thank god
new years eve is tomorrow.... ive pretty much shed my old life so a new one.... anything and everything that was bad and stressful to me is now gone. I quit the one thing i loved; cheerleading. After cheering for 3 years i couldn't take our new coach anymore. she made me completely hate the one thing i loved- going to practice was like being dragged down to the deps of hell and made my mood change quicker then you could even imagine. So i figure why not throw in the pompoms... it was a sad day and i cried for literally 24hours. standing in front of 40 people telling them your leaving is the hardest thing i could have ever done so far, i felt like such a let down, but they all knew my heart wasn't in it so i thank them for understanding me<33 i will always be a USF ALLLLLLLL-GiRL cheerleader*\0/* :)
as for my relationship status, my heart has fallen blue, who i thought i loved and knew has let me down and hurt me so bad i dont think the scars will heal for awhile. all my accusations were never physically proven but the so called "mistakes" just kept on rolling, yes almost a YEAR to the day, actually 11months later they still went on. emotionally and physically i couldn't handle it anymore, he had broken me beyond fixing, i never thought it would happen to me, to meet someone so selffish and manipulative as him, i should hate him for what he has done to me but im beyond hating, ive lost sleep, almost lost friends, almost quit a job for him and for what? a SLAP in the face.... i obviously didn't know him as well as i thought and its a shame because i really wanted him to be a good person and prove me wrong and for things to work.... but to my dismay it went all wrong, i dont blame myself for it, but i do blame myself for staying around and enduring more then i should have ever had to take on. I feel like i wasted a good part of me that could have been for someone else :( i feel ruined and that ill never be able to trust again and knowing that is hard.... i dont even think i could handle a relationship right now if i tried i just want to find myself and get my crap together and get going ....
im FINALLY 21 however and its AWESOME :) i love it... dont feel old in any way feel better then ever... i love my roommates candice and lo :) i just want 2007 to start off fresh and better then EVER! nothin less and nothing more then im given... i just want to love every aspect of my life and i believe with these stresses gone i will :)
as for my relationship status, my heart has fallen blue, who i thought i loved and knew has let me down and hurt me so bad i dont think the scars will heal for awhile. all my accusations were never physically proven but the so called "mistakes" just kept on rolling, yes almost a YEAR to the day, actually 11months later they still went on. emotionally and physically i couldn't handle it anymore, he had broken me beyond fixing, i never thought it would happen to me, to meet someone so selffish and manipulative as him, i should hate him for what he has done to me but im beyond hating, ive lost sleep, almost lost friends, almost quit a job for him and for what? a SLAP in the face.... i obviously didn't know him as well as i thought and its a shame because i really wanted him to be a good person and prove me wrong and for things to work.... but to my dismay it went all wrong, i dont blame myself for it, but i do blame myself for staying around and enduring more then i should have ever had to take on. I feel like i wasted a good part of me that could have been for someone else :( i feel ruined and that ill never be able to trust again and knowing that is hard.... i dont even think i could handle a relationship right now if i tried i just want to find myself and get my crap together and get going ....
im FINALLY 21 however and its AWESOME :) i love it... dont feel old in any way feel better then ever... i love my roommates candice and lo :) i just want 2007 to start off fresh and better then EVER! nothin less and nothing more then im given... i just want to love every aspect of my life and i believe with these stresses gone i will :)