(no subject)
what do you do with a heart that's broken?
I can't change the fact that I am 19 any more than I can change the fact that I fell in love with you, and that I want to believe you fell in love with me too.
I don't know what to believe anymore, I don't know what's true and what's false anymore, I don't know what is to be deemed wrong, morally, socially, religiously.
But I do know that it breaks my heart that I want to mean something to someone,
that I don't want it to be so easy for you to say you're going to see other people,
I am 19,
and oh I am a horrible person
yes, yes, my dears, this is a fact, of the truest kind,
the fact I have heard repeatedly since I was too young,
no one should be told they are a bad person by their own family,
no one should remember their own mother calling them a bitch when they are 10.
yes this really happened, yes I still remember, say I hold a grudge, I don't care, that hurt.
maybe i am just pms-emotional tonight,
and I am alone in this house,and I feel deprived
and God help me, that isn't my fault.
I'm ranting, forgive me,
i don't know what I'm trying to say.
I feel like i'm pulling teeth, and I don't want to have to do that, I feel like I've lost me, myself, whoever it was I became for that short period of time, and now I'm weak, I give in,I submit, I resist the urge to put up a worthy fight, to leave, because it may just be the one I will not win, i fear you will not chase, will not fight for me, so I submit.
there's a spider in my pj drawer :[
so i'll stay fully clothed til i go to sleep and can sleep happily naked.
andrea and johnny are coming tonight.
my mom and dad are coming tomorrow,
and I think Ive made up my mind to tell my mom.
i don't want to be alone tonight!
fu.ck
I can't change the fact that I am 19 any more than I can change the fact that I fell in love with you, and that I want to believe you fell in love with me too.
I don't know what to believe anymore, I don't know what's true and what's false anymore, I don't know what is to be deemed wrong, morally, socially, religiously.
But I do know that it breaks my heart that I want to mean something to someone,
that I don't want it to be so easy for you to say you're going to see other people,
I am 19,
and oh I am a horrible person
yes, yes, my dears, this is a fact, of the truest kind,
the fact I have heard repeatedly since I was too young,
no one should be told they are a bad person by their own family,
no one should remember their own mother calling them a bitch when they are 10.
yes this really happened, yes I still remember, say I hold a grudge, I don't care, that hurt.
maybe i am just pms-emotional tonight,
and I am alone in this house,and I feel deprived
and God help me, that isn't my fault.
I'm ranting, forgive me,
i don't know what I'm trying to say.
I feel like i'm pulling teeth, and I don't want to have to do that, I feel like I've lost me, myself, whoever it was I became for that short period of time, and now I'm weak, I give in,I submit, I resist the urge to put up a worthy fight, to leave, because it may just be the one I will not win, i fear you will not chase, will not fight for me, so I submit.
there's a spider in my pj drawer :[
so i'll stay fully clothed til i go to sleep and can sleep happily naked.
andrea and johnny are coming tonight.
my mom and dad are coming tomorrow,
and I think Ive made up my mind to tell my mom.
i don't want to be alone tonight!
fu.ck