I don't feel like a fun person
I wanted to have a beach gathering for my birthday party. All i freaking do it stress out about it though. It ends up being way more than I can handle. I should know by now that i do much better with small groups than large ones. I wish jose was more understanding about this type of thing. He tends to be the opposite and never stress out around people. He makes me feel weird or partypooperish. I just want him to be on my side, to support me. That by itself would make me feel so much better.