wow, I need to vent..
Ok quick breifing. Reasons why I cant get excited about going to Biola:
-Leaving friends/family/boyfriend/cat
-Putting my family in debt
-Putting myself in debt
-preppy rich kids
-I cant even log on to The SOS thingy
-basically, i know nothing
Yet, despite all these poo things, I know that this is where I am surposed to be going. at least, this is the next step. And I am so excited for the reason that I know there are such great things awaiting me, simply because I am following His will. It feels like a whirlwind. but i know when i look back, it will be so good.
This week has been odd. I havent seen a lot of my friends, nicole was out of town for a bit, amy and aly were in Tahoe and I hung out with jake a bit, but we missed our tuesday morning:( I have been working sooooo much! i feel lonely for my friends. Its weird I guess.
Things got thrown into serious mode with Dustin, that was something I was definatly not expecting and i dont think Im really prepared for. Wanna know a secret... I think he thinks he loves me. does that make sense? Just some of the things he says to me and the way he looks at me. I mean, i dont know if he actually does, but he thinks he does. Last night he was almost in tears over me leaving in August, then it made me get sad. He wanted to know if I wanted to try to work it out in college. He said it was worth it to him and he promised to put in everything he has. Now, i like him, a lot. But im not one for making empty promises. And as much as I would love to promise that nothing will change, i know life. It throws curve balls all the time. Basically, we decided to pray about our relationship and see where its going. Which is really cool (I think). But for now, I guess we are planning on staying together. He says Im all hes ever prayed for in a girl, and that is scarey, b/c sometimes i dont even think ive fully grown into myself yet. I was just praying all night he wouldnt say he loved me, cuz that would have been WAY toooooo soon. I am so scared sometimes. Its hard to explain. I wouldnt have been able to say it back and that would have been terrible. I dont know if I have the ability to love anymore.
-Leaving friends/family/boyfriend/cat
-Putting my family in debt
-Putting myself in debt
-preppy rich kids
-I cant even log on to The SOS thingy
-basically, i know nothing
Yet, despite all these poo things, I know that this is where I am surposed to be going. at least, this is the next step. And I am so excited for the reason that I know there are such great things awaiting me, simply because I am following His will. It feels like a whirlwind. but i know when i look back, it will be so good.
This week has been odd. I havent seen a lot of my friends, nicole was out of town for a bit, amy and aly were in Tahoe and I hung out with jake a bit, but we missed our tuesday morning:( I have been working sooooo much! i feel lonely for my friends. Its weird I guess.
Things got thrown into serious mode with Dustin, that was something I was definatly not expecting and i dont think Im really prepared for. Wanna know a secret... I think he thinks he loves me. does that make sense? Just some of the things he says to me and the way he looks at me. I mean, i dont know if he actually does, but he thinks he does. Last night he was almost in tears over me leaving in August, then it made me get sad. He wanted to know if I wanted to try to work it out in college. He said it was worth it to him and he promised to put in everything he has. Now, i like him, a lot. But im not one for making empty promises. And as much as I would love to promise that nothing will change, i know life. It throws curve balls all the time. Basically, we decided to pray about our relationship and see where its going. Which is really cool (I think). But for now, I guess we are planning on staying together. He says Im all hes ever prayed for in a girl, and that is scarey, b/c sometimes i dont even think ive fully grown into myself yet. I was just praying all night he wouldnt say he loved me, cuz that would have been WAY toooooo soon. I am so scared sometimes. Its hard to explain. I wouldnt have been able to say it back and that would have been terrible. I dont know if I have the ability to love anymore.