"Monster Mash": A Pop Music Essay
This morning while waiting at a traffic light I reached down to my pile of CD's and pulled one out. Without even looking at it I popped it in, and to my surprise the first song to play was "the Monster Mash." Why I had a CD with that on it, I haven't the foggiest, but nonetheless, I was actually pretty stoked on hearing it. Only this time I didn't hear it as a cute novelty tune, envisioning ghouls,
ghosts, and skeletons bopping around, drinking punch, and enjoying themselves.
This time I heard it as a political satire of the music industry.
Maybe I'm older, and with age comes cynicism. Maybe listening to unsigned
independent rock bands for the better part of my adulthood has taken it's toll on
my subconscious and I can't hear or see anything that doesn't remind me of the
shady state of music as art and business.
Or maybe, just maybe, Bobby Pickett and Lenny Capizzi (the writers credited
for creating the song) are a couple of the most underrated songwriters ever and,
without the labels, radio stations, or general public realizing it, they were
able to take jabs at producers who jump all over "the next big thing" and the
fickle market eager to swallow whatever those producers spoon-feed to it.
You be the judge.
I was working in my lab late one night
when my eyes beheld an eerie
sight
my monster from the slab began to rise
when suddenly to my
surprise
he did the Mash
it was a graveyard smash
it caught on in a
flash
The "lab" is the producer's studio. The "monster" is either a song or
project the producer's working on. (i.e. Lou Perlman had an army of
Monsters.)
From the Hall of Gore in the Castle East
To the master bedroom where
the vampires feast
The ghouls all came from their humble abodes
To get a
jolt from my electrode
They did the Mash
Essentially, everyone is pouring out of their homes to go to the record store
to hear the hot new thing. "vampires" could also be referring to the heads of
record labels who suck the life out of nearly everything they touch, while we
(the record-buying public) are the "ghouls." Keep this in mind for the next
verse.
The zombies were having fun
The party had just begun
The guests
included Wolfman,
Dracula and his son
By now we've turned into zombies. I'm not entirely sure who "Wolfman" and
"Dracula" are meant to be. Perhaps "Wolfman" = legendary disc jockey Wolfman
Jack and "Dracula" is a particular record label exec either Pickett or Capizzi
knew personally. One with a little-rich-boy prick of a son.
The scene was rockin', all were digging the sounds
Igor on chains,
backed by his baying hounds
The coffin-bangers were about to arrive
With
the vocal group, The Crypt-Kicker Five
You can't go a day without hearing the "Mash" on the radio or seeing a cell
phone commercial without the "Mash" playing in the background. "Igor" and "his
baying hounds" are in marketing. Igor is head of marketing. They're pushing
the "Mash" as though their lives depend on it.
But, lo and behold, a new vocal group is about to arrive. The Crypt-Kicker
Five. Use of "coffin-bangers" as a visual here works exceptionally well, as The
Crypt-Kicker Five is about to drive the last nail into the Mash's coffin. Not
unlike Nirvana did to the entire 80s pop metal community.
Out from his coffin, Drac's voice did ring
Seems he was troubled by
just one thing
He opened the lid and shook his fist and said,
"whatever
happened to my Transylvania Twist?"
It's now the Mash
The most sobering part of the song, is the illustration of how expendable
everything/everybody is in the entertainment industry. One can assume Drac was
either a producer or member of a group associated with whatever trend the Mash
put to death, and now, on the eve of the Mash's demise, Drac understands that
it's all a cycle - with all next big things eventually being brushed aside in
favor of the new next big things.
Now everything's cool, Drac's a part of the band
And my monster Mash
is the hit of the land
For you, the living, this Mash was meant too
When
you get to my door, tell them Boris sent you
Then you can Mash
Another clever lyric. Presumably Pickett/Capizzi knew that they'd have to
end the song on a positive, or else it would never see the light of day and
would die in their "lab," so they made Drac a part of the band. Velvet
Revolver, anyone?
But Picket/Capizzi get the last laugh. because in the
very next sentence they openly recognize that, by making their potential pop hit
end on a positive, they're going to sell a million records to the same fickle
record-buying public they satirize at the beginning of the song.
I always thought the line "for you, the living, this Mash was meant too" was
awkward, until I put it in the context of this industry-parody song. They're
outright saying that this Mash, the one you've just listened to, was
meant to hook us in. And it does. Put a comma before "too" and you'll see.
For you, the living, this Mash was meant, too
This Mash was meant for us, also, just like the one discussed in the
song. The one that turned us all into zombies.
Hook. Line. Sinker.
"Boris" is probably a reference to Boris Karloff and an additional jab at
anyone who looks to pop culture for guidance. The way the vocalist sings the
line, all gravelly, is almost condescending. And for good reason: Bono tells us
how to vote, Paris Hilton tells us what kind of purses to buy, Boris Karloff
tells us where to go.
So there you have it. Tonight you should all raise a glass to Bobby Pickett
and Lenny Capizzi, because, as a semi-popular 90s film once told me, "the
greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't
exist."
5000
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