fic: boy toys (crisscolfer)
Title: Boy Toys
Rating: NC-17
Characters/Pairings: CrissColfer
Word Count: ~4,300
Warnings: blowjobs (both real and imagined), frottage, fingering, and two boys making out all sloppy-like
Summary: Chris kind of has a crush on Darren. Darren might have thought of Chris’s dick on occasion. When they’re approached with a rather unorthodox offer, Darren is excited and Chris is terrified, but everything is fine until Chris jokes about blowjobs. Then, Darren just really wants to have sex. Like, now.
A/N: I don’t think any of this has or will ever happen. I do not think Darren and Chris are secretly dating or fucking. This is purely fiction, so if you’d kindly keep this within the fandom, I’d be grateful. Also, yes, in advance, the name of the company is a play on the song from Little White Lie (if that means nothing to you, you should probably go watch LWL because it’s fab).
A/N2: I’m writing in the second person; it was supposed to be mostly Darren’s POV so there’s little switching but…you’ll be able to tell when POV changes. Also, let’s pretend this takes place sometime during shooting for S3.
Darren and Chris leave the makeup trailer after washing out Darren’s gel and wiping off most of their makeup. The two are walking to Darren’s car, so he can drive them both home, since Chris’s car is in the shop. Chris is snorting at the part of Darren’s hair that refused to wash out and is still plastered to his head when they’re halted by a woman; she’s a little short and plump around the middle and Darren can’t help but think she looks a little like Rosanne Barr.
“Hello boys,” she says in a thick, smoker’s voice. “Can I speak to you for a moment?”
“Uh, sorry. No fans are allowed on the lot without a guide.”
She has a deep laugh. “No, honey, I’m not a fan.” She pauses. “Well, I’m a fan, but that’s not why I’m here.” The two stare at the woman, waiting for her explain. “My name is Susan Bockel and I’m with the company ‘Boy Toys,’ and I’m here with an offer.”
“‘Boy Toys’?” asks Darren. “What the hell is that?”
“We manufacture toys of an intimate nature,” she smiles. “Dildos, hon.” Chris just blinks at the woman as if she’s speaking Japanese and Darren guffaws.
“You came to us,” he gestures to himself and Chris, “to talk about dildos.”
“Not just talk about, sweetie. To create.” Darren laughs again, shaking his head. Chris hopes the woman isn’t some delusional fan (or worse, actually a dildo creator or whatever) who wants to make some sick Klaine dildo pack.
But he always wonders, “Wait. Why us?” She stares at him, as does Darren. “No, really. I mean, there are plenty of male celebrities on this lot. Why me and Darren?” She smiles gently at him, looking at him as if he were a 5-year-old. He glares back.
Darren leans closer to Chris’s ear and stage whispers, “She thinks we have nice, big, pretty cocks.” Chris flushes and his mouth falls into a little o. Darren smiles at him; he’s glad his costar can still be a little innocent sometimes.
He says to Susan, “Now, about your offer: I hope you know that we can’t make some weird Klaine set, right?” She nods. Chris lets some air out and Darren pats his back. “And it probably wouldn’t be advisable for us to have our real names attached either?”
“Oh no, of course not. We’ve dealt with some other celebrities before, but they’re all just some anonymous name on the line.”
“Like who?” he asks.
She wags her finger at him. “Well, I can’t tell you that, can I? Just like I won’t tell anyone about you two when you do it.”
“You mean ‘if.’”
“Right. Listen, you boys don’t have to decide right now. Here’s my card; you can call whenever you decide.” Darren takes the card from her hand, and watches her walk away, wondering idly why she only gave them one card.
“We can’t do this,” Chris finally spits out.
“Why not?! It could be fun! We can laugh about it with Ash the next time she brings over a bottle of tequila!”
Chris shudders at the memory (or lack thereof) the last time Ashley brought him tequila. He swears, those frozen margaritas will be his downfall. “That, is a very bad idea.”
“Oh c’mon, man, we can have a stupid inside joke to laugh at with each other! No one else would know what we’re laughing about, come on. It’ll be great!” Darren pokes his arm.
Chris rubs the now sore spot. “We would never have the opportunity to do that unless everyone started talking about sex toys.”
“Which they could!”
“Darren.”
He smirks at Chris, and they begin walking to his car once again. He drives to Chris’s apartment and pulls over in front. “D’you wanna order food or are you busy?”
“I’m down.”
Darren switches off the ignition and pulls his keys out. The two walk inside and Chris pulls out his phone, “Pizza okay?” Darren nods as he sits on the couch. Chris dials and orders a regular pie and a two liter bottle of Diet Coke.
They sit on the couch watching today’s episode of Jeopardy! that Chris recorded, and just as it finishes, the doorbell rings. Chris goes to collect their pizza and tips the delivery guy.
“Cute?” Darren asks.
“I tipped him an extra two bucks, what do you think?”
Darren pokes his side, “Cheeky boy.” Chris swats his hand away mumbling something that sounded very much like, Asshole. “So. We need to talk.”
“We do?”
“Yes. I think we should do this thing.”
“You do.”
“I do.”
“Why?” Chris asks, turning toward Darren and biting a slice a pizza.
Darren finishes chewing his piece and says, “Because why not?”
“That is not a very good reason.”
“Because it’ll be really fun and we can laugh about it forever?”
“Now you just don’t sound sure.”
“Come on, Chris.”
Chris chews his next bite thoughtfully. “Okay, what if I do agree to this? What am I really getting out of it? A couple bucks? It’s not like we’re strapped for cash here.”
“I’ll think of something.”
“Oh?”
“Something good.”
“I bet.”
“Or I’ll pout at you.”
“Oh God, no.”
“For days.” Chris stares. “Weeks even.”
“Jesus Christ, Darren.”
***
Darren picks Chris up the next morning and they drive in silence to the lot. Chris can’t really have a functional conversation until he’s finished his coffee, so Darren decides to wait until hair and makeup to pester him again.
Once Chris is fully caffeinated and seated in his usual chair, Darren says, “So about the thing.”
Chris eyes him and looks pointedly at their hair stylist, who seems oblivious to their conversation, for the most part. Maybe she’s a coffee person, too.
“Right,” says Darren. “So about…that. I still think we should do it.” Their hairstylist, who is coifing Chris’s hair quirks her eyebrow slightly, but keeps moving. Chris smacks his own head lightly. Great, someone else who thinks we’re sleeping together.
“Darren. Please.” Darren pouts. “Oh please, stop it.” He deepens his frown and adds some puppy dog eyes. “Okay now you just look pathetic…Cut it out!” Darren shakes his head, face unchanging. “Okay, this is annoying, but I can put up with your pouty face.” Chris smooshes his hand on Darren’s face until he backs off.
“Fine.” He resigns. “How about I…do something for you?” Chris waits. “I dunno, I can do…whatever you want for, like, a whole day. Completely at your disposal.” Chris stares, wondering if there’ll be more. Darren waggles his eyebrows. Chris promptly punches him in the shoulder.
Darren pouts again. “Oh Jesus. Shit. Okay. Fine.” Darren claps like a little boy that just got candy.
“I’ll call her!” He whips out his phone, and dials the number on the card. She answers on the first ring.
“Hello?”
“Hi, is this Susan Bockel?”
“Yes. Is this my handsome friend from last night?”
“Uh, yes. Chris and I have decided to go ahead. With your offer.”
“Excellent! I’ll text you our address and you can stop by tomorrow at 10pm, alright?”
“Sounds good.”
***
The next night, Darren is driving to the address Susan provided, wondering aloud how they were going to make the dildos, “Do you think they’re going to, like, take pictures and digitally recreate it? Or maybe have us stand there and, I dunno, sculpt it?”
“I have no idea, Darren. I don’t make sex toys in my spare time.” He uses them, sure, but he doesn’t say so.
They arrive and Ms. Bockel greets them warmly, “Hello boys,” she says in her thick voice. “We’ve got these adjoining rooms for you here. They’re separate, but there’s a door so you can talk if ya want, if you’re not ready yet.”
“Cool,” says Darren, bouncing like a puppy on acid.
But Chris asks, “Ready?”
“Yeah, y’know. You’ll need to get yourselves hard, so we can pour on the latex and make the mold.” Darren stops bouncing. Oh. Chris’s face goes slack. “Right, so just head on in. Unless you’d like to leave?”
Darren puts his game face on. “No, we’re good.” He drags Chris to the first door and enters the second.
He sits on the chaise lounge, the only furniture in the room, and tries to think of something, anything sexy. He stares at the blank, white walls, and is coming up with nothing. All he can think about is poor Chris in the next room, who he dragged here and he made go another stupid room, probably identical to this one.
Chris probably doesn’t even want to be here anymore, and now Darren just feels bad.
Chris sits in his own room with its white walls and chaise lounge and thinks about Darren. He’s wondering if he can leave Darren here alone and not actually be considered the biggest asshole alive or if he could get away with just waiting for Darren out in the lobby. He also wonders if Darren’s touching himself right now as he’s thinking about him. What? He’s a guy, he has thoughts.
A short knock on the adjoining doors snaps Chris from his thoughts, and he calls Darren in. He walks over, dropping next to Chris, and grabs his shoulder, “Man, I am so sorry. I didn’t know it would be like this.” He squeezes his knee sympathetically. “Seriously, dude, you can leave if you want. I understand.”
“Do you want to leave?”
“Honestly?” Chris nods. “No. I think… I think it could be kind of sexy.” Chris just looks at him blankly. “Well think about it, down the road, we’ve got boyfriends, girlfriends, fiancés, husbands, wives, whatever, significant people. And we’re actors, so we’re running all over the country or world. So, like, wouldn’t it be kinda romantic - okay maybe in a slightly weird way - if our people had a little piece of us specifically to keep them, you know, satisfied until we got back?”
Chris wonders exactly what it would be like to have that little, okay probably not so little, piece of Darren keep him company on some lonely nights. It’s petty, true, but Chris can’t help that Darren is really attractive. Or that he pushes Chris’s buttons in all the right ways. Or that his stomach does back flips when Darren smiles special little smile that he saves just for Chris. Maybe this was a good idea after all.
Despite his slightly selfish thoughts, he does see Darren’s point, though. It is kind of romantic in a dorky, weird way that probably only the two of them would really see.
“Okay, I see your point. Let’s do this thing.”
“Awesome!” Darren beams at him. “Just one problem.” Chris cocks an eyebrow at him. “I am so not horny even a little bit right now.”
Chris laughs. “Right? They could have at least given us some semblance of porn. I mean, what did they expect us to get off on-”
“What?”
“Of course. I can’t believe it took this long to- I can’t fucking believe it.”
“What?”
“She’s thinks we’re sleeping together.”
“What?!” Chris nods. “Why? And what even gave you that idea?”
“There’s less than anything sexual here. No porn, no pretty pictures of boys or girls. No pictures at all. Nothing. She gave us these adjoining rooms. She approached us about this together.” Darren smacks himself in the head.
“Wow, you are totally right.” Chris shakes his head, disbelievingly. “So what do we do now?”
Chris laughs, “I dunno, blowjob?”
Darren is about to join in Chris’s laughter when he’s crushed with the image of Chris and his beautiful thin lips between his knees, sucking and pulling and licking at his dick. He can see himself jutting his hips and fucking into Chris’s mouth until his balls are tight and-
“Whoa, Darren, what are you thinking? You just went hazy eyed and heavy lidded. Wait. Were you- Oh my God, were you just thinking about blowjobs?! I was fucking joking, calm d- Actually. Wait, no. Um. Hold that thought.”
“What?”
“You need to get hard right? So, uh, what were you thinking about?”
“When you said that did you mean you blowing me or me blowing you?” Darren asks, his normal jovial tone replaced with something much lower, seductive.
Chris swallows. “Um. Does it, um, matter?”
“Yes.”
Chris whimpers a little. To be honest, he was completely joking, but now that he’s thinking about it, “You. Blowing me.”
Darren chokes back a small moan. Now images of himself on the floor come to life. His knees aching from the shitty carpet, but not caring because he’s licking at Chris’s stiff, long dick. And Darren is well acquainted enough with Chris’s dick to know that it has some heft to it. The two have spent plenty of time grinding as Kurt and Blaine, so Darren’s got some lay of the land.
He sees himself take Chris full into his mouth until he’s screaming Darren’s name and coming hard down his throat, and-
“Darren?” Chris asks tentatively. “Were you just- Um. Were you just picturing you giving me head?” Darren nods slowly, unable to take his eyes off Chris’s face now, his own slightly flushed. He could feel himself half-hard in his pants, just thinking about it, but oh God, what if Chris actually let him touch him.
Chris snaps in his face. “Hey! Earth to Darren.”
“What? Sorry.”
“I, uh, I mean- Why? Why are you, um, thinking that? And why that face?”
Darren lifts one eyebrow. “What do you mean ‘why’? You’re the one putting ideas in my head.”
“Yeah, but you’re straight. Shouldn’t that be, well, gross?”
“Gross?” He grabs Chris’s thigh and looks him straight in the eyes. “Nothing about making you come with only my mouth could be gross.” He says the word with distaste. “It’s fucking hot.”
Chris swallows once. Twice. Three times for good measure before saying, “Hot? You think, you think that would be hot.” Darren nods.
“You know, I’ve always thought you were really sexy.”
“You did.” He nods again. “And you never mentioned it before because?”
Darren scoffs, “Have you ever told me that you think I’m attractive?” Chris shakes his head. “Exactly. You don’t just walk up to a costar and say ‘Hey so I think you look pretty fuckable. Just so you know.’ There’s some kind of etiquette, you know?”
Chris knows. It’s the exact reason he tries to keep a clear head around Darren. It’s part of the reason he resents the tequila incident, too. It was the one time Chris has gotten a little too drunk around Darren, and ended up making out with him in a closet while playing Seven Minutes in Heaven with some of the cast.
“Well, for the record, you do look pretty fuckable.”
Darren laughs something deep and throaty. “Oh yeah?” Chris nods. “Chris, shit. Chris, can I- can I touch you?”
“You’ve never had any problem doing it before without my permission.” Darren lowers his eyes at him. “Yes. You, uh, can touch me.”
Darren takes his index finger and traces the lines of Chris’s face, circling each eye, trailing over the bridge of his nose, sweeping over his lips which part at his touch. He curves around the shell of his ear and brings his hand to Chris’s neck. “Is this okay?”
“Mmm.” Darren takes his other hand and cups Chris’s face.
“I might kiss you now.”
“You better.”
Darren pulls their faces together and meets Chris’s lips with a gentle curiosity. They’ve kissed before, of course, as Kurt and Blaine. And that one time when they were both really drunk, but this is different.
He slides his right hand down Chris’s arm and grabs the back on his neck with the other, pulling him closer. Darren applies more pressure and spreads Chris’s lips with his open. He presses a few more kisses to his upper lip, then lower; then he tentatively licks at the inside of Chris’s lower lip which seems to set a fire in him.
Suddenly, Chris is kissing Darren back feverishly. The two take turns sucking and nipping at the other’s lips, and Chris slides his tongue in Darren’s mouth. They moan in unison. Darren slides his own tongue in time with Chris’s, both fighting for ground, advancing and retreating.
Darren pulls off Chris’s lips, and Chris immediately goes to apologize, thinking this is all wrong and somehow his fault when Darren’s lips are on his neck, licking and sucking and biting. He pushes Chris’s shirt collar down, fighting for more skin when Chris stops him.
Chris pulls his shirt over his head and gestures for Darren to do the same. Not thinking twice, Darren peels his shirt off and reattaches himself to Chris, pushing him down on the lounge. “Is this,” he breathes, “Is this okay still?”
“More than.” Darren smirks and returns. He licks a stripe below Chris’s collar bone, making him shiver until Darren bites the same spot. Not too hard, but certainly enough to leave a mark. He sucks at the same spot, seemingly determined to leave a bruise. “Are you trying to give me a hickey?”
Darren stops, looks Chris square in the eyes, “Yes.” Well, he’d be damned if that didn’t make him want to come in his pants right then.
“Darren, stop for a second.” He does and Chris sits them both up. He gestures for Darren to sit back against the upright, cushioned part of the chair. He moves with a confused look on his face until Chris straddles his lap, softly grinding their, now completely hard, dicks against one another.
“Oh, fuck.” Chris smiles and juts his hips against Darren’s again. “Jesus fucking- Christopher.”
Chris leans down brushing their chests together to whisper in Darren’s ear, “Darren, is this okay?”
“Fuck, yes, Chris. Can we, uh, or I, or you, can we- more?” Chris moans at the thought.
“What kind of ‘more’?”
“Anything. Everything.”
Chris quirks his eyebrow. “So like…” He trails his finger down Darren’s perfectly sculpted chest, past his bellybutton, and hooks his finger into the top of his jeans.
“Please.” Chris kisses him on the mouth again, more slowly, but full of languid tongue. He tastes every part of Darren’s mouth and feels him groaning into his own. Chris pulls off and shimmies down Darren’s body. He pops his fly and pulls off Darren’s jeans, then shucks his own, leaving both boys in their boxer briefs and little to the imagination. “May I?” Chris nods.
Darren stands and grabs the top of Chris’s briefs. He slowly pulls them down, all the way to the floor, helping him step out of them. Darren remains on the floor. Chris, confused, asks, “What are you- ?” Darren, without thinking twice, grips the base of Chris’s cock in one hand and his ass in the other. He take the head of Chris’s dick in his mouth, cutting Chris off. “Ohhh fuuuuck.”
Darren cups his ass with one hand and begins licking slowly. “God, you are beautiful. Even more so than I imagined.”
“You’ve imagined my dick before?”
“Uh, yes? Is that weird?”
“Probably, but I can’t say I haven’t done the same.”
Darren takes in a sharp breath. “Is that right?”
“Yes… And you, uh, should probably stop- Ah, stop that. Now.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m about five seconds from coming in your face and I am not done yet.” Darren’s dick actually twitches at Chris’s words and he stands back up. This time Chris asks, “Is it okay if I…?” He gestures toward Darren’s remaining clothing.
“God, yes, please.” Chris pulls Darren’s briefs off and lets them drop. As soon as Darren steps out of them Chris yanks Darren toward him and they tumble onto the chaise. Their dicks, no longer trapped behind denim slide against one another as Darren settles his thighs between Chris’s. It feels scorching hot, but so good, so Darren backs is hips a little and ruts against Chris again, causing his head to fall back as his moans.
“Jesus, Darren.”
“I like that.”
Chris lifts his head. “Like…what?”
“When you, say my name. Especially like that.”
“Oh yeah…” He nods. “Darren.” Darren actually whimpers at the sound of his own name. Chris laughs something throaty and slides his hand between them to wrap it around Darren, which rewards him with a, “Fuuuuck, Chris.”
He kisses Chris again, much sloppier this time. He returns to the spot on Chris’s chest that is now showing the first signs of bruising and smiles.
He kisses the spot as whispers, “I love that only you and I are gonna know this is here. And that I gave it to you. Ugh, that’s so hot.”
“Well, we do get costumed, babe, so someone else is probably going to see it.” Darren frowns; he hadn’t thought of that.
Chris cups his cheek. “Hey.” Darren still pouts. “Hey.” He finally meets Chris’s eyes. “That doesn’t make it any less special. Or hot for that matter. We’ll have to try and hide them, which is you know, even hotter. Maybe I’ll give you one, too.”
Darren smiles and kisses him again, clearly agreeing that: yes, that sounds like a good idea.
Once Darren lets up, Chris locks eyes with him and takes two of his own fingers in his mouth. Darren looks perplexed until Chris starts sucking them in and pursing his lips around them. A small noise escapes Darren’s mouth and Chris half-smiles at him before returning to his fingers.
He pulls them out of his mouth with a small ‘pop’ and wraps his arm around Darren. He cups his ass with both hands and slides his newly lubricated fingers toward Darren’s hole. “What are you- Oh.”
“Is this not okay? We don’t have to. You just, well you said everything so…”
“No. I mean, yes. Go ahead. I, uh, I’ve only tried it on myself a couple of times, but I liked it.” Chris whimpers at the thought of Darren alone and touching himself like this, fingering himself until he came. It’s almost enough to make Chris come right now, but he swallows and focuses on Darren.
He slides his index finger again rimming the edge and urging Darren to relax, which he does. He slowly presses in, letting him adjust to the new feeling. “That is, so much better than when I do it. Can you- more please?”
Chris presses his finger it all the way to the knuckle this time and Darren yelps. “Are you okay?! Oh my God, I didn’t hurt you, did I, sweetheart? I’m so sor-” Darren smashes his lips against Chris’s effectively shutting him up.
“That,” he kisses him again, “was,” another kiss emphasizing every word, “a. Very. Good. Noise.” Chris lets his breath go.
“Oh good!”
“Now less worry, more” he wiggles his butt, making Chris laugh deep in his belly. He slides his finger out and Darren frowns at the loss until it’s replaced by two of Chris’s fingers. He gently slides them in and out until Darren is accommodated again. He slowly scissors his fingers, spreading Darren even more and feeling more of his hot core.
Darren leans down and touches their foreheads together. “Chris, I don’t think I can- Oh, I’m gonna-”
Before he can finish his sentence he jerks his hips up once and comes all over Chris’s stomach. At the sight of Darren coming, Chris withdraws his fingers and falls apart with him until they’re both spent. Darren collapses on him and kisses him again. “Wow.”
“Indeed.” Chris grabs a tissue from the box on the floor, the only thing that had been in the room besides the chair, and cleans them up. “You were incredible.”
“Me? Nuh-uh, you were. I haven’t had an orgasm that good in…well, too long.”
Chris blushes. “Thanks.”
“No. Thank you.” He pulls Chris’s neck up for another kiss and feels a stirring in his stomach. He knows he’ll be hard again soon. “We, we should go.”
“Go?”
“Yes. To, um, my place? If you want? I kind of- The idea of me, of my- and anyone, uh, else right now. I- I don’t like it.”
“You don’t want you- Wait, anyone else?”
“We should really go to my place.” Chris nods in agreement and they get dressed quickly, shoving half-hard uncooperative dicks into pants and rushing passed Susan, who looked, frankly, a little smug. “Sorry we-”
“Go. It’s fine.”
“Thank you,” Darren says as he continues walking to the car. It isn’t until he pulls his door closed that he realizes Chris isn’t behind him. He jogs out the door a half a minute later with a small brown bag.
“What did you-”
“I didn’t like the idea of anyone else either.”
“Else,” Darren repeats.
“Yes, else. But that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t each have one for ourselves.”
Darren lifts his eyebrow. Chris leans the bag toward him to show him the DIY kits, one for each them. “What do you th- ?”
Darren kisses Chris with such a force that he forgets the bag in his hands and drops it on the floor. “Oops,” he says and Darren laughs.
“Just so you know, though, we’re not going to be using those tonight.” Chris frowns. “Because,” Darren continues, “I’m not stopping for that. We’re not stopping until we’re both heavy breathing, sticky, sweaty, puddles of men on the floor.”
“Darren,” Chris says, seeing him smile at his name, “Then what the hell are we waiting for?”
Darren laughs and takes Chris’s hand and drives them away from the shop and toward the long night ahead of them.