(no subject)
Ebbu and I hit the rocks again. It doesn't feel very good. Yesterday, on my way home from school, I began thinking of our relationship again. I realized we didn't see enough of each other, that the sexual attraction has gone awol, and we arn't enjoying each others company very much. I wondered if this was the end, and concluded it must be. Then I stopped my self. This was not going to be a repeat of this summer's preformance. We had to talk. Luckily, we had already agreed that it must be done, and so I didn't have to have a shitty time trying to explain something onesided. We both knew this was coming.
Last night we did speak, and today feel awful about how I feel. I don't want it to be over, but I want it to change. I'm not satisfied with where were at, and where were at has no longterm suitability for any part of me, but I also don't see a way to really change. I wonder if we will change. Ebbu has all this school stuff, and I get extremely aggravated when i hear about it. Its not like listening to someone with a trouble, she is complaining in a way that feels to me to be bad for more. She wants an excuse to give up or somethign. I don't really know. I just hate to hear about it. When she starts talking about it I get really confrontational and angry.
Its just so confusing right now.
Last night we did speak, and today feel awful about how I feel. I don't want it to be over, but I want it to change. I'm not satisfied with where were at, and where were at has no longterm suitability for any part of me, but I also don't see a way to really change. I wonder if we will change. Ebbu has all this school stuff, and I get extremely aggravated when i hear about it. Its not like listening to someone with a trouble, she is complaining in a way that feels to me to be bad for more. She wants an excuse to give up or somethign. I don't really know. I just hate to hear about it. When she starts talking about it I get really confrontational and angry.
Its just so confusing right now.