Who AM I AGAIN?

[sam_cow]

I am kind of irritated with myself...
Gosh that is a great way to start off an entry...
Anyways, I say this becuase of my moods...

I never know how I am going to feel or whether I will be happy or sad, mad, self conscious, angry, depressed!
it is sooo annoying...
I have these moments where I will be soooo happy!
Sooooo happy that i just want to jump up and down and kiss everyones cheek...

Then a moment later, just a moment later, I will hate myself..
I will just want to cry and rip everyones eyes out...
OR just sit in a pile of my own tears and self disgust...
I am told that I can control it and it will just go away...
But i cant and it wont...

Its more than that.
I try to control my mood but icant...
it is really hard to explain..
I miss SAM. Just sam, not fifty other personalities...
I wish i could be ME all the time.
I cant do anything for it and its hard...

I feel bad for the people around me though...
I thank god everyday for emily...
She puts up with alot from me... I am so grateful...

I feel really bad that she has to put up with it though...
it isnt fair for her and it sucks... I love her dearly though and I dont know what I would do without her...

Anyways, its late and I am tired...:)

SAM