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welp i feel like crap....i just talked to jordan and he said enough to make me puke....as a matter of fact i did...i dunno why i got so upset but i cried over it for a while....the only thing left echoing through my head is me tryin to reassure my self with " hes not worth all this"" why is it not workin? i just want all of this to go away...but it keeps commin back...all i asked is why he was talkin smack about me and it turned into his big thing of how good he thought he was to me..well in my opinion it wasnt that great....jelousy and possessiveness isnt great...and how can sumone say that they love sumone else then a week er two later treat em like dirt...all i wanted was to give his stupid ring back because its a painful reminder of the 5 months when i was cut off from the real world...all i was allowed to think about or talk about was him..or so it seemed ..it makes me sick to think that i was like that over sumone who wasnt really that great to begin with... but i feel much better now just getiin all this out...i do believe this has been a great three weeks... i wish me and him could talk it out like civilized people...but that aint happenin no time soon ... so th doors for communication between me and him are closed which may be a good thing...cuz all we would do is argue...but i hate the fact that he hates me...i dont want that..i want to be his friend ..i want to be able to talk to him like one of my best friends and i do...i just want to smooth all this over...shew i really need to talk to someone ..ne one really who has ne advice...maybe it would help me out a lil... im not sure if my feling are hurt or if im mad....or maybe both...who knows ne ways ...
well on to subject number 2.....how do i go about gettin over bein nervous round one particular feller ? it kills me cuz theres all kindsa things i wanna say but everytime i try to talk it comes out like " der uh da " i swear i sound just like sum kinda babbling idiot ...lol..and thne i dont talk to em and then he thinks i dont like em..but the fact in matter is that i do alot....and thats whats keepin me from talkin to em,,,,ehich sounds retarded...but its the truth..well i think ima go sleep this off...
samantha
well on to subject number 2.....how do i go about gettin over bein nervous round one particular feller ? it kills me cuz theres all kindsa things i wanna say but everytime i try to talk it comes out like " der uh da " i swear i sound just like sum kinda babbling idiot ...lol..and thne i dont talk to em and then he thinks i dont like em..but the fact in matter is that i do alot....and thats whats keepin me from talkin to em,,,,ehich sounds retarded...but its the truth..well i think ima go sleep this off...
samantha