(no subject)
heyy..well..my weekend was really eventful
a lot of crazy shit was said and a lot of drama happened and i realized that its not supposed to happen right now
and it was all just like really crazy with what people were saying
i feel like really nervous right now and i dont know why...
i fucking miss soccer..just let me play because i think thats playing a huge role in my stress right now...skuthbgksuhrtkuajaueraerae...like during practice i just picked up a ball and started juggling..and brittany was like "SAM WHAT ARE YOU DOING!??" and i just kept going..like it didnt hurt so it was fine and i justl ike..fuck this, if there's no pain why cant i fucking play....yeah i know its "weak" but i've been going to physical therapy 3 times a week working my ass off and my muscles are almost exactly the same now...my right calf is still a little smaller...and Amy at physical therapy said ...im sorry, sweetie, thats just going to take a long time to build up...like great i'm glad i have stuff to look forward to...you dont know what it's like watching all my best friends out there on the field and when someone makes a play i think in my head how i would've done it different if i was on the field..but no...and now sam torok fucking tore her ACL the FIRST GAME!!! THATS 4 GIRLS!!!! me, bk..dt..and sam torok....like what the hell is going on...
i really think that if i never tore it i would be so scared of tearing it with all these other girls...i can run in less than a month...im going all out hardcore training to get myself in shape in the winter..and the fall/winter... and then winter/spring is gonna be made soccer training..i dont care how hard i think its going to be, im going to do it..because i just cant take this anymore...
i was reading marks journal the other day throughout our almost 6 month period of time...i really miss him...