Random thoughts
I miss my love for someone and the day in and day out life i had.
I feel like i was a bad boyfriend... or a boyfriend that might not be that fun at times. To practical... Now that I am free and i am fun again. How odd is that... I let go of taking my job so seriously and i go out dancing again and have friends over often. Why wasn't i more like this before. It's so lame that i am getting back to being my fun self now without the person that meant the most to me in this world. How weird....I often wonder how She is....so weird and unfortunate. sigh sometimes i feel life is fucked.
So i try to move on... but with other girls, i often enjoy their company, they mean nothing more then friends.
I also miss cuddling, but i don't want to do that with people i don't love. It just feels fake....I don't want to be fake.. what the point.
I am actually in good shape now, and still dropping weight. I weighed roughly about 300 before i started boxing 5 weeks ago. Now i am down to like 250 or less, and the weight is coming off so fast. I am getting muscles i never knew i could have. but yeah... Sigh, I feel so odd sometimes now.. I can't sleep.. I just stay up and think and watch romantic comedies. Because i want to feel something other then the loss of my love. I have been playing tons of local poker down at our local club. I guess that is the other thing that is actually going good for me. I really have been tearing it up. I am up about 700 dollars in the last three days of poker. Which is neat, but the kind of people i take the money from are very odd, and kind of depress me a little bit from time to time. Although they tell great jokes. I guess i could use my poker skills in the bay. If my good friend Andy and I decide to move there pretty soon. I feel so lost lately, oh well and often wonder about my love. I am getting better day by day, but i still feel her loss daily.
I feel like i was a bad boyfriend... or a boyfriend that might not be that fun at times. To practical... Now that I am free and i am fun again. How odd is that... I let go of taking my job so seriously and i go out dancing again and have friends over often. Why wasn't i more like this before. It's so lame that i am getting back to being my fun self now without the person that meant the most to me in this world. How weird....I often wonder how She is....so weird and unfortunate. sigh sometimes i feel life is fucked.
So i try to move on... but with other girls, i often enjoy their company, they mean nothing more then friends.
I also miss cuddling, but i don't want to do that with people i don't love. It just feels fake....I don't want to be fake.. what the point.
I am actually in good shape now, and still dropping weight. I weighed roughly about 300 before i started boxing 5 weeks ago. Now i am down to like 250 or less, and the weight is coming off so fast. I am getting muscles i never knew i could have. but yeah... Sigh, I feel so odd sometimes now.. I can't sleep.. I just stay up and think and watch romantic comedies. Because i want to feel something other then the loss of my love. I have been playing tons of local poker down at our local club. I guess that is the other thing that is actually going good for me. I really have been tearing it up. I am up about 700 dollars in the last three days of poker. Which is neat, but the kind of people i take the money from are very odd, and kind of depress me a little bit from time to time. Although they tell great jokes. I guess i could use my poker skills in the bay. If my good friend Andy and I decide to move there pretty soon. I feel so lost lately, oh well and often wonder about my love. I am getting better day by day, but i still feel her loss daily.