(no subject)
A big discussion with a girlfriend about Facebook yesterday. She said something like, why do we bother getting all up in arms over things that strangers say?
It's because they're strangers. If your good friend says something idiotic about Obama, say, or the Republicans -- well, that happens in a context. You know your friend's foibles, quirks of thought. You know his weaknesses and the great strengths that offset them and make you love him anyway.
The random loudmouth complaining about the other team on your friend's page? Is just a little userpic to you. A postage stamp of a person. And it seems not only reasonable but imperative to set that person straight. Obama is not a Muslim, you moron, he's a practicing Christian. He celebrates Easter, for fuck's sake! (Not that any of my friends are as xenophobic or latently racist as to suggest that the president has a secret identity that he lies about to the world. If any of my friends thought that way, they would not be my friends for long.)
Two of my oldest friends are not speaking to me at the moment. This is really difficult for me. It's given me much to think about. Specifically about how it's easier to talk to people you don't really know that well sometimes. You can be your best self -- or any self -- when talking to relative strangers.
I have to make some changes. Not because two of my friends are mad at me. Their anger is disproportionate in both cases, I think, but I get it. That's how it works. You blow up over something because there was trouble building. I have been sweating it out for a while -- I don't like disharmony, and I keep my friends for life -- but I think I have to let go of them for a bit and let them be. That's doable. But I have to make some other changes or I'm going to go on feeling like crap all the time. Lately, everything makes me feel like something you scrape off the bottom of your shoe, and THAT has got to go.
What to do? Not sure. But something.
It's because they're strangers. If your good friend says something idiotic about Obama, say, or the Republicans -- well, that happens in a context. You know your friend's foibles, quirks of thought. You know his weaknesses and the great strengths that offset them and make you love him anyway.
The random loudmouth complaining about the other team on your friend's page? Is just a little userpic to you. A postage stamp of a person. And it seems not only reasonable but imperative to set that person straight. Obama is not a Muslim, you moron, he's a practicing Christian. He celebrates Easter, for fuck's sake! (Not that any of my friends are as xenophobic or latently racist as to suggest that the president has a secret identity that he lies about to the world. If any of my friends thought that way, they would not be my friends for long.)
Two of my oldest friends are not speaking to me at the moment. This is really difficult for me. It's given me much to think about. Specifically about how it's easier to talk to people you don't really know that well sometimes. You can be your best self -- or any self -- when talking to relative strangers.
I have to make some changes. Not because two of my friends are mad at me. Their anger is disproportionate in both cases, I think, but I get it. That's how it works. You blow up over something because there was trouble building. I have been sweating it out for a while -- I don't like disharmony, and I keep my friends for life -- but I think I have to let go of them for a bit and let them be. That's doable. But I have to make some other changes or I'm going to go on feeling like crap all the time. Lately, everything makes me feel like something you scrape off the bottom of your shoe, and THAT has got to go.
What to do? Not sure. But something.