Teens in the House
What do we think about people who text nonstop when they are with other people? I have two teenagers staying with us -- lovely kids and I love them -- who text all day long. My gut feeling is that it's not right to do. I have a bunch of reasons, some practical, some theoretical, but mostly I just think it prevents you from connecting with the people you're actually with. Last night, for example, after dinner one of them disappeared into the kitchen to "make cookies" (which were amazingly delicious, by the way, OMG) but in fact the dough was already prepared. Actually what she was doing was texting while waiting for the cookies to bake. Which isn't a horrible thing, but all the rest of us were sitting at the dining room table. Talking. You know, that old-school form of communicating?
Then the other one wanted to stay up all night watching movies with the luscious neighbor girl. We did not allow this, partly because we did not want two unsupervised teens of the opposite sex staying up all night in our living room, but also partly because it makes them cranky and unsociable. You have to join the world occasionally. I feel like an old coot turning such a dubious eye on the texting, the video games, the late night movies -- but honestly.
And sometimes I think how far away the world of my grandparents is compared to my kids'. My grandparents were born over a hundred years ago but they were raised by Victorians and I see strains of it in my mother even now, an ethos that is all but extinct in America today. At the same time I am reading a book about habit and self restraint ("Habit" by Charles Duhigg) and it is making me think hard about the way I spend my time, the places where I've failed my kids, and whether they matter. The book makes me feel like I really screwed my kids up permanently by not having them make their beds every day the way I did from age three, and not doing basic stuff regularly, like allowance (spotty), folding clothes (E still hurls things on the floor without a thought), and more regular bedtimes routines (a drag and I always fell asleep).
On the other hand, they seem to be coming along pretty well. J at least is a voracious reader even if she still prefers crap books over Jane Austen, and E has not yet taken up a life of crime although today when we noticed a police car following us, she immediately declared, "I'm not here!"
Hmm.
My own children will sit happily for hour after hour watching the visiting children play video games. It is horrifying and I put a stop to it after a few days of letting them do what they want. I hauled them up out of the basement today as they started on their third? fourth? movie in 24 hours and the visiting boy complained quietly that there was ... wait for it ... nothing to do.
Then they played smart games for a while and all has been well. But seriously. I supposed we would be such slackers given the chance. Come to think of it, maybe I already am....
Then the other one wanted to stay up all night watching movies with the luscious neighbor girl. We did not allow this, partly because we did not want two unsupervised teens of the opposite sex staying up all night in our living room, but also partly because it makes them cranky and unsociable. You have to join the world occasionally. I feel like an old coot turning such a dubious eye on the texting, the video games, the late night movies -- but honestly.
And sometimes I think how far away the world of my grandparents is compared to my kids'. My grandparents were born over a hundred years ago but they were raised by Victorians and I see strains of it in my mother even now, an ethos that is all but extinct in America today. At the same time I am reading a book about habit and self restraint ("Habit" by Charles Duhigg) and it is making me think hard about the way I spend my time, the places where I've failed my kids, and whether they matter. The book makes me feel like I really screwed my kids up permanently by not having them make their beds every day the way I did from age three, and not doing basic stuff regularly, like allowance (spotty), folding clothes (E still hurls things on the floor without a thought), and more regular bedtimes routines (a drag and I always fell asleep).
On the other hand, they seem to be coming along pretty well. J at least is a voracious reader even if she still prefers crap books over Jane Austen, and E has not yet taken up a life of crime although today when we noticed a police car following us, she immediately declared, "I'm not here!"
Hmm.
My own children will sit happily for hour after hour watching the visiting children play video games. It is horrifying and I put a stop to it after a few days of letting them do what they want. I hauled them up out of the basement today as they started on their third? fourth? movie in 24 hours and the visiting boy complained quietly that there was ... wait for it ... nothing to do.
Then they played smart games for a while and all has been well. But seriously. I supposed we would be such slackers given the chance. Come to think of it, maybe I already am....