Title: What We Need to See [4/8]
Authors:
salvaged_pride and
sullacat
Artist:
gadgetorious
Fanmixer:
dizilla
Beta:
shinychimera
Series: Star Trek XI
Characters/Pairings: Kirk/McCoy
Rating: R
Chapter Word Count: 4412 out of 42601
Summary: Jim is everything he needs to be when he's sent on a diplomatic mission to meet a potential new addition to the Federation - charming, calm, convincing - especially with his CMO at his side to back him up. But when Jim, Bones, and their security team wake up in the depths of an alien jungle and are given a mission to succeed or die, they'll need not only to survive, but come to terms with their true feelings for each other. Will it destroy their friendship or save them both?
Is it enough to teach Jim and Bones what they have been blind to - that sometimes there's more than just meets the eye, and the loss of one's world can lead to another?
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The Mix
"Doctor? Doctor..." Bones felt someone shaking him awake, but he was tired, so tired. "Leonard, he's waking up."
Bones opened his eyes at that, the events of the last three days suddenly in the forefront of his mind. "Readings?" he asked, wiping his face as he stood, walking toward Jim's bed in the private area of the infirmary.
"Stable, no changes since you went to sleep." Grabbing a scanner, Bones began running it over Jim's head. The swelling was going down, thank goodness, but it was still too early to tell how damaged the optic nerve was going to be. His eyes were bandaged shut, but other than Jim's head injury there was remarkably little else wrong with either of them, once they'd been properly hydrated, some much needed nutrients provided.
"Bones?" Jim's voice was hard to hear. "What happened?" he asked, starting to move around. His hands came up to feel his face. "I-"
"I'm here, Jim," Bones told him, touching his fingers. "We're home." He sighed with relief, worry evident in his voice -Jim had slept for so long. "Keep everyone else away, will you Christine?" he asked her, a pleading look in his eyes. "They're gonna tell you they need to talk to him. You tell them I'll be out in a few minutes, and I'll answer all their questions." Or tell them to jump out of an airlock.
Nurse Chapel nodded at him in understanding and left them alone. Pulling a chair up to Jim's bed, Bones sat down and rested a hand on Jim's chest. "How do you feel?"
Jim's fingers pulled at the bandages. "Off, Bones. I want them off. Tell me... tell me you could-" There was a child's fear in Jim's voice, one that made him sound younger than his years and rank. His voice was still muddled, enough that Bones wondered if maybe he had overdone it on the sedative that had been keeping Jim under during surgery.
"Quit," Bones told him, grabbing at Jim's hands. "I'll take them off, in a minutes, but first we have to talk." It was hard to look at Jim, his eyes closed and covered for his own protection. "There was swelling in your brain, Jim, from where you hit your head. All the moving, all the jostling, it didn't help matters." Giving Jim's hands a squeeze, he continued. "But we've relieved it, and now we're just waiting to see how long its gonna take until you get your sight back." Of that, Bones was sure. He was going to fix Jim's eyes.
Jim's hands stilled in his. "But you're sure? You're sure it'll come back?" There was a trust there, a trust that Bones would make it happen, forged over their years of friendship. At first, it had been so heavily stilted by caution and anger at doctors, though exactly why Bones was never able to figure out.
But Bones knew Jim trusted him, would believe him, and that, as much as anything, gave him the confidence to nod, even though he knew Jim couldn't see it. "It will, Jim. I promise you." Now was the hard part. "But I just need you to give me some time. Don't be upset if its not back today, or even tomorrow. There was a lot of damage done, and you went without any medical help for so long." Add to that the journey Jim had made, moving for hours with that injury to his head and it was a wonder Jim hadn't had more brain damage. "You're gonna hate this, but right now, best thing you can do is rest." Resting was almost against Jim Kirk's nature. He could see how Jim took it with a twist of his mouth, wanting to defy doctor's orders. "I mean it. If you want your chance at getting your sight back, you have to rest. There is no regenerator or medication I can give you to fix this! If you mess it up, that's all there is." Bones wished that there wasn't so much begging in the sound of his voice.
But maybe, just maybe, it worked, because Jim's shoulders dropped and he nodded. "All right, Bones. I'll do my best, okay?" That was as much, he knew, as he was going to get out of Jim about this.
"That makes two of us," Bones told him, gently running a hand over his Jim's hair. Definitely not normal doctor/patient behavior, but Jim was- special. And he was the captain, so before he left Bones made sure one of the other medics stayed close to his room, in case he needed anything, then headed out to talk to the people no doubt waiting outside.
As expected, Bones ran into Admiral Fersen, heading toward Sickbay with Spock. "Doctor, is the captain awake?" she asked. There was something about the admiral that set Bones' teeth on edge. She might have been there originally for the treaty signing, but now that shit had hit the fan, her role on board had changed to interrogator, and Bones was pretty damn sure he didn't like it.
"He's awake," Bones replied, holding back a yawn, "but he needs to rest right now. No visitors."
That didn't sit well with the admiral. "Doctor McCoy," she repeated, her eyes narrowing. "This situation, what happened on that planet resulted in the loss of two members of your crew, and I am not any closer to understanding exactly what happened down there. We've received no response to our attempt at communicating with the Tuatarans. Captain Kirk is a Starfleet officer. Part of his responsibilities are to give his report of the situation as soon as possible. He knows this," she added, "as do you."
"There isn't anything more than I told you yesterday," Bones told her, eyes darting at Spock for some back-up. "You have my report." Bones had explained, as best as he could, the entire ordeal, from the dinner where they had been drugged to the apparent rite of passage they were expected to pass, to finally reaching their destination.
Once they'd touched the Eye, the Enterprise had been able to lock on their position. One minute, Bones stood on the planet, staring at Ruud and a group of what appeared to be pleased seven-foot tall lizard people. The next, he was in the transporter bay holding Jim, trying not to pass out.
"Indeed," she said, her voice tinged with irritation. "And now I need the captain's report of what happened."
Spock straightened his back, the small movement enough to get their attention. "Perhaps the doctor will agree to allow Captain Kirk to be interviewed this evening, after he's had more rest."
Fersen wasn't pleased with this suggestion, but she didn't disagree. She looked at them both carefully. "I will be back this evening," she finally said to Bones. "But I will speak to the captain then. Commander," she nodded at Spock, then continued down the hallway.
"She's a piece of work," Bones muttered after she'd left.
But Spock only gave him one of those looks that made him feel like an idiot. "She is trying to do her job, which is to investigate what happened on the planet surface. We've agreed not to send another away team until communication has been established, but you must understand," he continued, "she needs more than just your report."
"Yeah, I understand," Bones said, clearly not happy.
"Is the captain well?" Spock asked, concern evident in his voice as he followed Bones back into Sickbay.
Bones sighed and shrugged, tired eyes staring back at Spock. "I want him to have at least another few hours before I check the eyes." Leaning against a wall, Bones ran a hand through his hair. "Don't want to take the bandages off too soon. If his sight's not back, it's just gonna discourage him, and..." Spock nodded, as if he understood Jim Kirk's inner-workings as well as Bones did. "You can go speak to him, if you want. Just-" Bones felt stupid even saying this, "-just try to keep ship's business to a minimum, okay? He really does need to rest." Even before he finished speaking, he knew how unlikely that was. Jim would want to know everything that was going on.
Spock arched an eyebrow, as if reading his mind. "Indeed. Then I shall try to keep the discussion from being overly taxing."
A little laugh at that. Fuck, he was tired. "Thanks." With that, Bones headed to his office, and lay back down on the cot he kept in there for these sort of occasions.
That evening, the Admiral showed up as promised. Jim was like a horse biting at the reins as he sat up in bed, helpless in his ability to get around but bored out of his skull. Bones knew Jim was more than capable of occupying his time under normal circumstances, but without his sight, many of those options were taken from him.
It didn't stop him from halting the Admiral outside of Sickbay and giving her a subtle warning. "He's on a lot of painkillers right now, so take it slow. We need him to stay calm if we want his injury to heal."
Bones didn't like the look on her face when he told her that, and she just gave a quick nod before she walked into the room where Jim was set up. Bones hovered just out of view but still in listening range as the Admiral did exactly the opposite of what he asked and grilled Jim on every detail of what had happened to them. He heard Jim's voice change when she asked why he had saved his chief medical officer and yet failed to save two of his security team.
Bones knew not everyone liked Jim's quick rise to captain and thought he should have been expelled, but it was the first time since the trials back on Earth after the Narada incident that he heard that same familiar scorn in Fersen's voice, enough to tell she was one of 'those' people.
But there was pride in how the familiar signs of Jim's frustration were quickly subdued, and he remained calm as he explained himself, his actions, and those of his team. Bones managed to control his own emotions as he heard Fersen tear apart Jim's words, and nodded grimly as Jim quickly rebuilt them, simply and succinctly. They were just finishing when the communicator at his waist beeped. Bones flipped it open and answered, "McCoy here."
"Doctor, your presence is required on the bridge."
That was unusual. "Someone hurt, Spock?"
"Negative," Spock told him calmly. "We have made contact with the Tuatarans, and they are requesting to speak with you and the Captain. I believe you are being invited to another festival."
If Bones didn't know better, he would have sworn he heard a hint of amusement in the Vulcan's voice. "...I'll be right up there," he said, flipping the communicator closed. Bones stormed out of Sickbay without a word to anyone, marching tiredly down the corridor and into the lift. The idea, that after all that happened, these creatures wanted to talk to them? Bones was infuriated.
When he arrived on the bridge, his mood had gone from bad to worse. "You called," Bones said, looking straight at Spock.
Spock gave only an incline of his head in the direction of the forward view screen where two familiar Tuatarans could be seen. It was the Priestess they had spoken to that night at dinner and her male attendant. "They seem most curious as to why you and the Captain have decided not to join them at their celebration feast for your... accomplishment."
"Celebration..." Bones repeated to himself, his face full of indignation. He looked right at the screen in disgust. "Two of our men died down there. We don't want to celebrate anything right now, though a full explanation might be in order."
From the tilt of her head, the Priestess seemed to be confused. "I do not understand," she said, her hisses and snaps filtered through the translator. "You agreed to our ritual, and you passed. We are pleased, as we could only hope you survived what so many of our own have failed to do."
Spock spoke softly as he stood beside Bones. "Did you agree to this ritual they speak of, Doctor?"
"Did we agree to be dropped in a jungle without food, water, or any of our possessions in order to fight for our lives for two days?" Bones asked Spock, his voice tightly reined. "What do you think?"
Little surprise that Spock would be unruffled by the sarcasm. "Perhaps you unknowingly agreed to it." He looked to the forward view screen again, speaking at a more audible volume. "You say that our away team agreed to your ritual. Can you indicate when this occurred?"
There was a quiet conference between Priestess and attendant before she replied, "During the festival, your captain was asked if he would be willing to take on the quest for Cyli, to prove to Cyli that the Federation's words were true and that its representatives were worthy of our joining."
Bones recalled something like that, but... "No one mentioned anything about anyone being killed!" He stared straight at the view screen, his face indignant. "Quest... we were drugged at dinner. Next thing we knew we were being chased by wild creatures in and out of deadly traps. No one mentioned that part to any of us." He glanced over at Nyota, sitting quietly at the Comms station, a sorrowful look on her face during this exchange.
But when Bones turned to her, she nodded in agreement. "A mention was made, Commander, regarding some sort of quest, but at no time did anyone describe any more than this. The captain did express some interest in learning more about it before we all fell unconscious." Her report had included this, along with her own treatment by the Tuatarans, respectfully allowing her to return to the ship, as well as the linguistic specific information regarding their intricate use of body language.
"You proved yourselves worthy of Cyli. We accept the Federation's offer to join." The Priestess seemed unconcerned about the deaths. "You accepted the quest, and we opened your eyes to Cyli's domain at the height of the feast along with our candidate."
The turbolift doors opened and Admiral Fersen stepped out onto the deck. "Commander," she said, looking at Spock. She spared a glance for the doctor, then turned her attention to the view screen. "I am Admiral Fersen. I've been asked by Starfleet to investigate this matter regarding our crew who were killed and injured on your planet. To whom am I addressing?"
"I am the Mouth of Cyli, her head priestess," the snakewoman said calmly. "What do you need to investigate?"
"Two of our crew members were killed on while on your planet participating in some contest you were holding," Forsen replied just as quickly. "The captain was injured and not given any medical support because their possessions were stripped from them after they were drugged." It appeared the admiral had listened to Jim and Bones, despite her attitude of disbelief. "This is not expected behavior from a planet considering membership in our Federation."
It was difficult to tell, but there was an air of being insulted around the Priestess. "Contest? This is one of our most sacred rituals. It is a great honor to allow an outsider to participate."
Admiral Fersen's eyes closed briefly, as if she were looking for the proper response. "Lives were lost, Priestess, and senselessly, from what it sounds like. Now, until I can understand fully what the purpose of this exercise was, and why these two crewmen died, I cannot in good conscience recommend consideration of your planet into the Federation. If you are willing to send someone up to speak with us regarding this incident, perhaps we could-"
"Admiral."
The entire bridge looked over at the open doorway to see Jim standing there, holding onto Christine Chapel. Bones saw his nurse, her arm laced through Jim's, looking sheepish yet maintaining an air of one following orders. No doubt it was that, considering the look on Jim's face, cold and angry, and blankly staring in the direction of the Admiral's voice.
"The Tuatarans didn't intend to kill us, or we would all be dead." There was a tone that took over when Jim was the Captain over being just plain old Jim, and it came through strong right now, the kind of voice that made people sit up and listen and follow him to the outer reaches of space. "I made the mistake of not getting more information before I agreed to something I didn't know enough about, and now I'm paying for it. I've seen their worship, and walked and bled alongside one of their very own people taking part in the same ritual, going through the same risks." Jim took a few careful steps further into the bridge, standing straight and tall as he held onto Chapel's arm. "Just because their ways aren't the same as ours doesn't mean we denounce them or insult them by calling one of their rituals a contest. I would stand beside them in their acceptance to the Federation," his gaze went to the forward view screen, probably locating it entirely through memory, "provided, Priestess of Cyli, that no more of the Federation must go through the ritual."
The Priestess hissed through a breath before she shook her head. "No more will be required, as you were sent as representatives of your species and Federation. You have passed and received Cyli's blessing and approval."
Bones watched in shocked amazement as the bridge went silent, no one sure what to do or say, so he felt enormously grateful when Spock took control of the conversation. "Priestess, would you be willing to send emissaries to our ship to continue the conversation regarding membership in the Federation?" Bones knew that Spock was as worried about Jim as he was, but remained cognizant of the fact that this was all about a treaty, a much-needed ally in this system.
For his part, even despite Jim's words, right now Bones thought he could go a long time without ever seeing a Tuataran again. But he did let out a small breath of gratitude when he heard the priestess accept Spock's invitation, and as soon as the view screen went black, Bones made a beeline to Jim. "What are you doing here?" he asked Jim, glaring at Christine who gave a sideline look at Jim.
"I heard Spock's comm to you, then he called for the Admiral. I wasn't about to stay down there without being able to say my piece." Jim's voice was quieter again, the walk from Sickbay and act of defiance exhausting him. The last few days had taken their toll on his body and mind as it tried to overcome its new handicap.
The Admiral stepped up to join them, her outrage seen in the thinness of her lips and the furrow of her brow. "Captain Kirk, I know you've been through a lot in the last few days and for that I'll forgive some of the disrespect you just showed me. But just because you're captain of this ship doesn't mean you have any right to speak to me in such a way or take over handling what I was sent to--"
"It wasn't you that had to suffer down there, or your men who died. I made a mistake and I'll pay for it if Starfleet so demands, but right now I'm still captain of this ship you're standing on, the one that was sent to deal with this situation in the first place. I didn't want to lose our chance at getting the ally we needed in this sector." His arm was tightening on Christine's, and she looked to Bones worriedly, silently telling him that Jim's strength was failing.
"Rest assured, I'll be speaking to Starfleet regarding your actions here." No doubt Jim meant his words as a barbed thrust against her, because every person on the bridge knew that at the rate the Admiral was going they would have undoubtedly lost the good will they worked so hard to gain. "You still need to learn your place in Starfleet, Captain."
Jim stood very straight until the Admiral's footsteps were gone, then slumped hard enough that Christine staggered to keep his weight up. Bones ran to his side, Spock to the other, and together they hoisted him off the nurse, dismissed from the bridge by a very angry CMO. "We're getting you back to Sickbay, right now."
But Jim hesitated, not letting himself be pulled. "How 'bout my room instead, Doc?" Jim asked, eyes staring blankly ahead despite the attempt at levity in his voice. "I can rest there better than in that hospital bed of yours."
Bones' eyes met Spock's across Jim's, giving a small eye roll of frustration. "You promise me that you'll stay there, and not leave? As God is my witness, Jim, I'll have you locked in there if I think you're gonna try this escaping shit again."
"I didn't escape Sickbay, I just had to get up here," which was bullshit, he was definitely escaping and Bones knew it. "I'll stay, I'll stay, you have my word." Jim walked between the two of them, making Bones think of a bad dog captured on leashes as together he and Spock took Jim down into his quarters. Jim was far too accepting of all of this, allowing himself to be led quietly, leading Bones to believe that he was either really, really tired from that small exertion, or he had something up his sleeve.
"Captain," Spock began as they got Jim to his room, "I will find the Admiral, talk to her before preparing for the signing of the treaty, should everything go smoothly. I will return tomorrow with my report," he added before leaving, sparing a quiet 'Doctor' in Bones' direction.
Jim stood, turning most of his back towards the door and Bones, started determinedly stripping out of the loose clothing he'd worn in Sickbay. "Tell me what you need, and I'll get it for you," Bones said, walking toward the closet and trying not to look at Jim as he undressed. But that was harder than it sounded, and despite knowing he shouldn't, his eyes drank in Jim's naked backside, well-sculpted muscles marred only by cuts and scratches they'd both gotten from their time on the planet.
Jim's head turned, following the sound of Bones through the suite. "...Just sweat pants from my drawers," he said, frowning, then - "No, I can get it myself." Then Bones watched Jim make his way to the drawers, feeling up every piece of furniture until he got to the dresser, counting down three and opening it. It was all clumsy and unsure, working from memory, but Jim didn't seem ashamed to be standing there nude, dressing himself. If anything, he looked proud, as if that simple act was one of defiance, that he could still take care of himself.
Bones knew Jim would need this self-confidence in order to get through the next few days or weeks, if it took that long for his sight to come back. But it also made it hard for him to convince Jim to rest.
"Bed, Jim," Bones told him, walking toward him, subconsciously creating heavier footfalls so that Jim would hear him coming.
Jim, just as stubborn, grabbed something from the drawer and sat on the bed after almost missing it. Bones realized as Jim unfolded the material that it wasn't a pair of pants but a t-shirt, and slipped over to the drawer as Jim started to try and find the waistband. He found Jim's sweat pants just as Jim realized what he had done and silently pushed the pants into Jim's hands. Jim tensed up all over, but took them with a quiet 'thanks' and pulled on the shirt as if he had meant to do it all the time, followed by the sweatpants after feeling for the drawstring.
Bones pulled the pillows up, arranging them so Jim would be comfortable. "Can I get anything for you? Audiobook, or some music to listen too?" he asked, sitting down on the edge of the bed. He wanted to stay and talk with Jim, or anything, hell, just spend some time with him. After what they'd gone through, Bones never wanted to let Jim out of his sight again. But work called, and despite his own less severe injuries, Bones still had reports to complete before the end of today.
Jim shook his head, fingers clenching hard before he snapped, "I can get it myself." He was staring downwards, unseeing, his entire body tensed up where he sat.
The cold tone to Jim's voice surprised Bones, though in retrospect it probably shouldn't. Jim no doubt blamed him, in some way, for losing his sight, for not having it back by now. "Okay," he said, getting up, trying to keep the disappointment out of his voice. No need to make the man feel guilty on top of it all. "I'll just get out of your hair then." Taking a breath, he placed Jim's comm device in his hand. "Call me if you need anything," he said, then touched his shoulder, and headed for the door.
Just as he was about to step out, Jim suddenly called out, "Bones?"
Bones looked back, but Jim hadn't moved an inch. "...Yeah?" There was something in Jim's voice he couldn't quite place.
The question was met with silence, with the door still open, then Jim shook his head. "Nevermind."
There was a look on Jim's face though, something Bones didn't see often, at least, not in a long time. He looked troubled. "I'll be by later, if that's okay," Bones said quietly. He could read his medical reports just as easily here as he could in his office, if Jim didn't mind the company.
"Yeah. I'd like that." Jim's body seemed to unwind, just slightly, and he relaxed back into the pillows on his bed. Bones watched him for a moment later, then turned away and went down towards Sickbay. No matter who got hurt on this ship, there was always work to be done.