lost my job, arrested, what's next? starvation? SUMMER HELL
I wrote in my real life paper journal about all the shit that has bothered me this week so this won't be a "waaaa woe is me" entry.
The few things that have happened I have brought on myself but I've had alot of pent up anger and pain that I've been holding in the last 5 years.
Tuesday I was fired because I took a sick day on a Monday. I wasn't taking off every week. I'm bitter about it, the fact that I have been working there for 4 years and I was dismissed like that. I have limited money to live off of, at least I can pay my rent for August. I'm so fucked but I refuse to let the stress get to me. I already have issues with my weight and drinking so I'm trying to stay sane and eat good, stay productive and positive.
Wednesday night I went out to Spin with Eric and Kyle. I did a Lydia Lunch MaNdonna Stevie Bobby drag freak disco boy look. I had this black cap on with black bangs and hair only on one side of my face, eye makeup, smeared mascara on the left side of my face, black mesh shirt, white bellbottoms, jelly bracelets, skull gauntlet, bandaids all over my arms, my black and white circle mod belt. I wore a black and white checkerboard sheet on my shoulders, danced with it.
Walking down Belmont a car load of people screamed FAGGOTS at us and then this woman was staring at me and I went off threatening her and saying that I was going to hit her so next thing I know its a cop and I'm handcuffed and taken into the cop car. This innocent girl made a comment about Rodney King and she was handcuffed and taken in with me, the cops were cocky and smug, totally violating her in a way that I think was wrong.
What happened in the police station was degrading and I experienced a hate and abuse from cops that I have never been through, I have been through alot, I have worked at a bathhouse, I have lived in the deep south. This buff cop demanded to know what drugs we were carrying on us, when I was told to remove everything on me. I told him I don't carry drugs, I don't sell drugs and I don't do drugs. I wasn't a fan of cops to begin with but the scary way they treated that hysterical girl, trying to provoke us to say stuff to them was disgusting. I was called stupid, goofy, and every thing I was wearing from my jelly bracelets to the bed sheet was criticized, why are you wearing that, why do you have this, I was called a punk and GOOFY how gross!!! its like they were trying to scare me or anger me. I was wrong for what I did but the way they treat a human being was disgusting, and the sick thing is that the one buff cop is gay himself the other guy at the other station told me, I mentioned that I didn't appreciate the offensive and verbally abusive way I and the girl was treated, that poor girl sigh oh i was in the paddywagon handcuffed to two other guys,,, locked in a cell up at belmont and western for two hours.... they were trying to sober us all up and i could tell none of us were really that drunk
at least now I have free time to think about stuff
I don't want sympathy from anyone, why can't I get any respect, I'm sick of the way I'm being judged constantly in this city.
anyone have any job prospects feel free to let me know. I'm desperate but I'm not insane. oh and I refuse to ever rely on my family, I'm strong and will make it on my own, just it's a slap in the face to come back to this point after having a stable good job for so many years.
sigh
The few things that have happened I have brought on myself but I've had alot of pent up anger and pain that I've been holding in the last 5 years.
Tuesday I was fired because I took a sick day on a Monday. I wasn't taking off every week. I'm bitter about it, the fact that I have been working there for 4 years and I was dismissed like that. I have limited money to live off of, at least I can pay my rent for August. I'm so fucked but I refuse to let the stress get to me. I already have issues with my weight and drinking so I'm trying to stay sane and eat good, stay productive and positive.
Wednesday night I went out to Spin with Eric and Kyle. I did a Lydia Lunch MaNdonna Stevie Bobby drag freak disco boy look. I had this black cap on with black bangs and hair only on one side of my face, eye makeup, smeared mascara on the left side of my face, black mesh shirt, white bellbottoms, jelly bracelets, skull gauntlet, bandaids all over my arms, my black and white circle mod belt. I wore a black and white checkerboard sheet on my shoulders, danced with it.
Walking down Belmont a car load of people screamed FAGGOTS at us and then this woman was staring at me and I went off threatening her and saying that I was going to hit her so next thing I know its a cop and I'm handcuffed and taken into the cop car. This innocent girl made a comment about Rodney King and she was handcuffed and taken in with me, the cops were cocky and smug, totally violating her in a way that I think was wrong.
What happened in the police station was degrading and I experienced a hate and abuse from cops that I have never been through, I have been through alot, I have worked at a bathhouse, I have lived in the deep south. This buff cop demanded to know what drugs we were carrying on us, when I was told to remove everything on me. I told him I don't carry drugs, I don't sell drugs and I don't do drugs. I wasn't a fan of cops to begin with but the scary way they treated that hysterical girl, trying to provoke us to say stuff to them was disgusting. I was called stupid, goofy, and every thing I was wearing from my jelly bracelets to the bed sheet was criticized, why are you wearing that, why do you have this, I was called a punk and GOOFY how gross!!! its like they were trying to scare me or anger me. I was wrong for what I did but the way they treat a human being was disgusting, and the sick thing is that the one buff cop is gay himself the other guy at the other station told me, I mentioned that I didn't appreciate the offensive and verbally abusive way I and the girl was treated, that poor girl sigh oh i was in the paddywagon handcuffed to two other guys,,, locked in a cell up at belmont and western for two hours.... they were trying to sober us all up and i could tell none of us were really that drunk
at least now I have free time to think about stuff
I don't want sympathy from anyone, why can't I get any respect, I'm sick of the way I'm being judged constantly in this city.
anyone have any job prospects feel free to let me know. I'm desperate but I'm not insane. oh and I refuse to ever rely on my family, I'm strong and will make it on my own, just it's a slap in the face to come back to this point after having a stable good job for so many years.
sigh