fuck turkeys
well.
home.
its been weird i guess.
ive worked every day since i got home..
tuesday 12-8
wednesday 12-8
thursday 10-1
friday 4-9
tomorrow 10-9? im not sure
and prolly sunday too..
so yeah.. a lot of money, but not much of anything else.
its been a very backward vacation.
i didnt see stina..
cause well she worked a lot and is currently upstate.
i was actually really sad about it..
but that just means ill have to stalk her upstate when shes up there in a week again.
i saw ryan a bunch...
which was really really nice.
i missed him a lot..
becuase the last time i saw him, was over a month ago, when he was upstate.
and before that was summer..
and summer between him and i was very strange.
we were both preoccupied with life outside of each other..
and we put each other lower
but its nice now..
i finally feel like we can be friends, without that feeling of wanting to be in a relationship.
we just have this really strong bond, over ridiculous things..
we went through a lot.. not only together, but during the time we dated, we each went through a lot individually.
we helped each other through all that and i think that has a lot to do with why we are so close.
i really couldnt imagine not talking to him..
and i think it will be a long time before we stop..
and i know things might change when either of us finds a really serious other relationship..
but as of now.. nothing has stopped us.
i love him to death.. and i know he loves me.
its nice to feel that.. especially after all the crap we've gone through.
but at the same time.. its so nice not to be in love
because we can be normal
and not uptight
and not fight over life..
and we can just be friends.
and be laid back.
phew.
that was a lot of words about ryan..
but he's important.. and i feel really overwhelmed this week about everything.
tonight i saw john alex and mike
we went to see deja vu...
which i didnt want to at first.. but im glad i did. i enjoyed it..
afterwards we went to the diner..
and i realized how different people get.
it makes me sadder every time we get together because we are so different.
i also get weird around them because they are all "im at such a good school"
and it just rubs in how much i hate new paltz..
im sick of being at such a crappy school for monetary purposes.
i really dont want to do that again.
im determined to get into a good grad school.
i just found out that columbia has a music ed program.
and i know..
its columbia.
its expensive as all hell.. and prestigious as all hell
but whatever.
im sick of putting myself so low.
its just an option.
i want to feel successful for once.
i want to be proud of what im doing.
not average.
i didnt work hard my entire life for suny new paltz.
no offense to those who did..
but i had a different dream.
i had different plans for my future than teachers who teach out of text books..
than 6 practice rooms for an entire dept.
than driving 35 minute for lessons
than all of it.
i want to be somewhere that has what i need.
even if its hard.
i have a 3.8 without trying.
its sad.
i hate new paltz.
i hate so much of it.
ive been unhappy there 80% of the time..
if not more.
and now jills leaving
and i dont want to go back.
i hate new paltz.
i hate it
i ahte it=df;laskjdfa
home.
its been weird i guess.
ive worked every day since i got home..
tuesday 12-8
wednesday 12-8
thursday 10-1
friday 4-9
tomorrow 10-9? im not sure
and prolly sunday too..
so yeah.. a lot of money, but not much of anything else.
its been a very backward vacation.
i didnt see stina..
cause well she worked a lot and is currently upstate.
i was actually really sad about it..
but that just means ill have to stalk her upstate when shes up there in a week again.
i saw ryan a bunch...
which was really really nice.
i missed him a lot..
becuase the last time i saw him, was over a month ago, when he was upstate.
and before that was summer..
and summer between him and i was very strange.
we were both preoccupied with life outside of each other..
and we put each other lower
but its nice now..
i finally feel like we can be friends, without that feeling of wanting to be in a relationship.
we just have this really strong bond, over ridiculous things..
we went through a lot.. not only together, but during the time we dated, we each went through a lot individually.
we helped each other through all that and i think that has a lot to do with why we are so close.
i really couldnt imagine not talking to him..
and i think it will be a long time before we stop..
and i know things might change when either of us finds a really serious other relationship..
but as of now.. nothing has stopped us.
i love him to death.. and i know he loves me.
its nice to feel that.. especially after all the crap we've gone through.
but at the same time.. its so nice not to be in love
because we can be normal
and not uptight
and not fight over life..
and we can just be friends.
and be laid back.
phew.
that was a lot of words about ryan..
but he's important.. and i feel really overwhelmed this week about everything.
tonight i saw john alex and mike
we went to see deja vu...
which i didnt want to at first.. but im glad i did. i enjoyed it..
afterwards we went to the diner..
and i realized how different people get.
it makes me sadder every time we get together because we are so different.
i also get weird around them because they are all "im at such a good school"
and it just rubs in how much i hate new paltz..
im sick of being at such a crappy school for monetary purposes.
i really dont want to do that again.
im determined to get into a good grad school.
i just found out that columbia has a music ed program.
and i know..
its columbia.
its expensive as all hell.. and prestigious as all hell
but whatever.
im sick of putting myself so low.
its just an option.
i want to feel successful for once.
i want to be proud of what im doing.
not average.
i didnt work hard my entire life for suny new paltz.
no offense to those who did..
but i had a different dream.
i had different plans for my future than teachers who teach out of text books..
than 6 practice rooms for an entire dept.
than driving 35 minute for lessons
than all of it.
i want to be somewhere that has what i need.
even if its hard.
i have a 3.8 without trying.
its sad.
i hate new paltz.
i hate so much of it.
ive been unhappy there 80% of the time..
if not more.
and now jills leaving
and i dont want to go back.
i hate new paltz.
i hate it
i ahte it=df;laskjdfa