(no subject)
New roomie due to dramatic lesbian breakup. I’m watching Caleb color while roomie preps to go out with pals and Gi gardens. It’s just a strange time everywhere. We had a fight this morning over money - it’s just so tight and we can’t get into our groove yet. I really want no credit card debt and we have some. Again. Just paid that shit off and now I’m there looking at 5 figures again. Then Gi has to go to Pennsylvania to see the last relative on her moms side worth talking to - she got a 3am text that said cousin is in hospice.
I mean fuck. That’s why we even have credit cards.
But she told me before I even had any coffee and I cried and told her I feel alone with the finances and that every time we get out of the hole we go deeper in. She got super quiet and cancelled her flight and then I felt like a complete shitbag of a wife. Is there any way to get on top of the money?! It just runs out of our fingers so fast. No idea how to slow the bleed.
Caleb seems like he’s struggling a bit today. Red-ringed eyes, had a hard time finding food he wanted and bringing himself to eat. He had a rice crispy cookie and chips. That’s it. Feels like his health is pretty rough. He had me make noodles, but didn’t touch them.
It’s been so fucking long since I journaled I can hardly believe it. I just got pretty stuck there for a minute. Maybe something will crack back open for me now.