fixing
so it was a week ago that i was at my parents' and they lectured me and things. and i've been... not right... since then. i sent an email to my mom today... it will be easier to just post that.
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I'm sorry I've been so out of touch lately. I've had a lot on my mind since we talked last week, and I've been trying to sort through it and doing a lot of praying, looking for how God is leading. I guess I have been hoping to have some brilliant answer that would end everyone's concerns whenever we talked again, and have been afraid if I called and didn't have that, I'd hear your disappointment. I was also afraid I would not be able to express my thoughts fully, and the way I see God leading me... so that's why I'm emailing, to get it down in writing, because we all know, even though I'm a much more confident speaker than I used to be, this still works best for me!
First of all, I took to heart everything yall said last week. I plan to take over some of the bills (electric, water and cell phone), if not all of them, in March. My financial dependence on yall has been a burden for me as well, emotionally, because I hate the thought of taking advantage of yall (Pops included, of course). Second, as soon as I am comfortable with that and earning enough, I plan to buy my own medical insurance--I am going to do some checking on different plans, but not this week, because I have deadlines for the Island Living News. I checked with State Farm, but their plan is pretty high, even though it would give me a little break in my car insurance. My goal is to be able to afford this by summer.
I have been checking on part-time positions and things like childcare needs. I know I'm devoting a lot of time to PartyLite, but the more I put into it now, the less I will have to later, and the more it will pay off. And God just keeps confirming He wants me to do this. I know it seems silly (because it is silly to me whenever I talk about it), but I have never been so assured of anything than that I'm supposed to be a Candle Lady! You have noticed the difference it's made in my self-confidence and in the way I relate to people; and there's SO much more to it! Our Regional meeting was Saturday, and so many things became clear to me about myself. It started when one of the Leaders spoke about dreaming big, but what struck me personally was when she happened to mention her degree is in Psychology. Well, it didn't strike me at that moment; I just thought, oh that's neat, because I started college as a psych major, and now I guess I do "candle therapy" too. (She quit her job to be a Leader so she could make more money and help more people.) Still didn't put 2 and 2 together though....
Then another leader named Kathy spoke, and she made me have chills. She talked about Base Camp, which, for us, is meetings and training and things like that, and how you can't just stay there--you have to stretch and grow... and the lightbulb came on when she said something like, "there are people whose lives you can touch--there are lives you can change."
And then it hit me. Why did I want to be a Psychologist? To help people. Why did I want to be a teacher? To change kids' lives. Why did I want to be a songwriter/musician? To inspire people.
And that's what getting involved in this business has done for me, and it's what I can do for others. It's actually a little freaky how it all seems to be coming together. And you probably won't be able to get that for a while, but that's okay. I don't need you to understand; I just need you to know I'm following God's leading. And if He shows me tomorrow that I've made a huge mistake and need to stop selling candles and sponsoring new consultants and cancel all my parties and get an 8-5 desk job, then that's what I'll do. But I know I've always had a desire to help, change and inspire people, as evidenced by all the things I've wanted to do in the past... and this brings it all together.... and I don't know if I've ever been this happy!!!
And eventually, my income will be high enough that I can pay all my bills, pay for my car, save money and do whatever I want... and as I said, I am looking for part-time work, and I've been talking with some leads. And, of course, I will keep writing!
I hope all this makes at least a little bit of sense... and I can't tell you how much I appreciate all that yall have done for me! And I love you very much, and we will talk soon... probably when I am finished with the newspaper!!
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my parents have been so fucking spastic about health insurance. i have gone without health insurance off and on, since 2000 when i graduated from college. i've just been living in TN for most of that time, so i haven't been here for them to notice and nag me about it. and while writing this, i realized, they talked about how i need to be financially independent, and then said, but we'll pay for your car to be fixed (it needs a new wheel bearing; but it's not that bad, just occasionally squeaky, and not causing any problems with driving) and buy your insurance. So it makes no sense. so i plan to keep doing what i'm doing. and if it's what God wants (and i feel strongly that it is), everything will work out in its own time... rather, in His time. what more do you need??
i've had a sick headache off and on for a week because of worrying about what they think. i don't get headaches. and i usually don't worry about what people think either. dammit!
----------
I'm sorry I've been so out of touch lately. I've had a lot on my mind since we talked last week, and I've been trying to sort through it and doing a lot of praying, looking for how God is leading. I guess I have been hoping to have some brilliant answer that would end everyone's concerns whenever we talked again, and have been afraid if I called and didn't have that, I'd hear your disappointment. I was also afraid I would not be able to express my thoughts fully, and the way I see God leading me... so that's why I'm emailing, to get it down in writing, because we all know, even though I'm a much more confident speaker than I used to be, this still works best for me!
First of all, I took to heart everything yall said last week. I plan to take over some of the bills (electric, water and cell phone), if not all of them, in March. My financial dependence on yall has been a burden for me as well, emotionally, because I hate the thought of taking advantage of yall (Pops included, of course). Second, as soon as I am comfortable with that and earning enough, I plan to buy my own medical insurance--I am going to do some checking on different plans, but not this week, because I have deadlines for the Island Living News. I checked with State Farm, but their plan is pretty high, even though it would give me a little break in my car insurance. My goal is to be able to afford this by summer.
I have been checking on part-time positions and things like childcare needs. I know I'm devoting a lot of time to PartyLite, but the more I put into it now, the less I will have to later, and the more it will pay off. And God just keeps confirming He wants me to do this. I know it seems silly (because it is silly to me whenever I talk about it), but I have never been so assured of anything than that I'm supposed to be a Candle Lady! You have noticed the difference it's made in my self-confidence and in the way I relate to people; and there's SO much more to it! Our Regional meeting was Saturday, and so many things became clear to me about myself. It started when one of the Leaders spoke about dreaming big, but what struck me personally was when she happened to mention her degree is in Psychology. Well, it didn't strike me at that moment; I just thought, oh that's neat, because I started college as a psych major, and now I guess I do "candle therapy" too. (She quit her job to be a Leader so she could make more money and help more people.) Still didn't put 2 and 2 together though....
Then another leader named Kathy spoke, and she made me have chills. She talked about Base Camp, which, for us, is meetings and training and things like that, and how you can't just stay there--you have to stretch and grow... and the lightbulb came on when she said something like, "there are people whose lives you can touch--there are lives you can change."
And then it hit me. Why did I want to be a Psychologist? To help people. Why did I want to be a teacher? To change kids' lives. Why did I want to be a songwriter/musician? To inspire people.
And that's what getting involved in this business has done for me, and it's what I can do for others. It's actually a little freaky how it all seems to be coming together. And you probably won't be able to get that for a while, but that's okay. I don't need you to understand; I just need you to know I'm following God's leading. And if He shows me tomorrow that I've made a huge mistake and need to stop selling candles and sponsoring new consultants and cancel all my parties and get an 8-5 desk job, then that's what I'll do. But I know I've always had a desire to help, change and inspire people, as evidenced by all the things I've wanted to do in the past... and this brings it all together.... and I don't know if I've ever been this happy!!!
And eventually, my income will be high enough that I can pay all my bills, pay for my car, save money and do whatever I want... and as I said, I am looking for part-time work, and I've been talking with some leads. And, of course, I will keep writing!
I hope all this makes at least a little bit of sense... and I can't tell you how much I appreciate all that yall have done for me! And I love you very much, and we will talk soon... probably when I am finished with the newspaper!!
--------------
my parents have been so fucking spastic about health insurance. i have gone without health insurance off and on, since 2000 when i graduated from college. i've just been living in TN for most of that time, so i haven't been here for them to notice and nag me about it. and while writing this, i realized, they talked about how i need to be financially independent, and then said, but we'll pay for your car to be fixed (it needs a new wheel bearing; but it's not that bad, just occasionally squeaky, and not causing any problems with driving) and buy your insurance. So it makes no sense. so i plan to keep doing what i'm doing. and if it's what God wants (and i feel strongly that it is), everything will work out in its own time... rather, in His time. what more do you need??
i've had a sick headache off and on for a week because of worrying about what they think. i don't get headaches. and i usually don't worry about what people think either. dammit!