002 Free-Fall
Free-Fall
EunHae | PG-13 | Fluff, AU
Summary: Hyukjae’s feelings are unrequited. So are Donghae’s.
Warning: This will definitely bore Maffy.
--
"So, who are you today?"
Donghae retaliates, smiling at Hyukjae with all his might. "A highly successful manga writer bored to death by my lack of deadline. Twenty-three years of age, male, living in a fancy apartment in London."
"London?"
"I'm half-Korean, half-British."
Hyukjae laughs as he puts two bags of groceries on top of the counter. "What happened to that extremely innocent all-American girl yesterday?"
Donghae smirks. "Too boring for all kinds of conversation."
"She's my favorite, though."
"Figures. That girl is exactly what young gentlemen like you go after in this universe," Donghae explains as Hyukjae feeds him a fresh raspberry. "But perfect human beings have no place in shitty chatrooms and tragically suicidal blogsites, darling."
Hyukjae's eyes sparkles for a brief moment, watching Donghae trace an invisible line on the floor on his way back to his computer.
"Help me think of someone new later. Apparently, to these people, manga irrevocably equates to porn." Donghae looks back at Hyukjae, who's starting to cook dinner. "I am alarmed."
The room turns quiet save for the sound of Hyukjae’s cooking and the sound of Donghae humming an impossibly popular song by an impossibly popular band.
I am alarmed, Hyukjae thinks to himself, that my happiness is a function of your existence.
--
"A tragically bald poet who writes about turkeys inside bigger turkeys?"
"Too weird," Donghae critiques. "A tragically bald poet who writes about Christmas."
"Too happy," Hyukjae counters.
Donghae thinks and says, "Winter?"
"Too cold."
"Snowflakes!"
"Too mainstream."
"Snow?"
Hyukjae doesn't reply in the same superhuman speed they're used to, which only means one thing.
"A tragically bald poet who writes about snow," Donghae states decisively, types into his computer and smiles an impeccably attractive smile at Hyukjae. "He's married, of course, but unhappy."
"So unhappy that he wants to die?"
Donghae shrugs, "Don't we all?"
"Well," Hyukjae can't quite decide if Donghae is unhappy or suicidal. "So unhappy he's stuck online?"
"Where it's infinitely happier, to be honest."
"I beg to disagree."
Donghae smiles. He likes how Hyukjae says the sentence. "Perfect human beings normally disagree with me."
--
Donghae delves into the Tragically Bald Poet's life, writes a two-page description of his life, and proceeds to talking to strangers.
"I'm devastated. My soul is mangled on a splendid scale and my life currently has no meaning. I'm in love with a not-so-stranger as a Tragically Bald Poet and love brings this parade of unwarranted, befuddling emotions." Donghae dramatically fake-faints onto Hyukjae’s neat bed.
Hyukjae smiles and peeks from his book on human anatomy, "Is this because of the Ugly University Professor you 'met' a week ago?"
"He's not ugly; he’s unconventionally beautiful." Donghae defensively says. "He's wonderful and he talks with short and crisp words and I talk for both of us but he thinks I'm a Tragically Bald Female Poet and expects to meet me tonight at his favorite Starbucks branch and even though I can dress up as a girl, I don't want to. Hence, even though I can be the Tragically Bald Poet he wants to meet-"
"Female Poet," Hyukjae interrupts.
"Even though I can be the Tragically Bald Female Poet he wants to meet, I prefer meeting him as the plain old miserable me - with stubble on my chin and sparkle in my eyes and dirty hair and smelly feet..." Donghae's speech dies down to a frustrated silence and he taps his phone open and types.
"You know you're not as bad as you think you are," Hyukjae offers. "You're just... a little difficult. Other than that, you're close to perfect."
"My being awfully rich because of my awfully rich parents cancels that out," Donghae mutters as he continues to type. He sighs after a while and says, "That's it. I'll meet this Unconventionally Beautiful Professor tonight and get this over with."
Hyukjae turns his eyes back to the book, "Be careful."
--
Donghae finds the only person inside Starbucks wearing a bright red cap and sits directly opposite him on a couch. "Hi."
"Uh, hi. Do we know each other?" A guy with smaller eyes than Donghae but more slender asks. His black hair is peeking through the red cap, his lips moist from the cup of coffee he’s drinking.
"Well," Donghae tries to fight the urge to cry as the former words finally have a voice - an attractive one, at that. He says their password, "The ship sails."
"Eunah?"
"Yes, well, it’s Donghae." He offers his hand. "I trust you're Kibum?"
The man nods, stands up wordlessly and walks to the counter, coming back after two minutes with a Frappuccino.
"Thank you."
"You don't seem... bald."
Donghae smiles in an apology, "I'm unfortunately endowed with a mop of hair, I apologize. More importantly, I have the same appendage as yours for a reproductive organ, coupled with a pair of balls.” He watches Kibum sip and he says, “You, on the other hand, don't look like a professor."
Kibum looks at his leather jacket and skin-tight dark-colored jeans. He breaks into a face-splitting, ever-so-beautiful crooked smile, “I’m not exactly a professor, um, Donghae.”
“What are you, then?”
“I teach kindergarteners,” Kibum responds without looking at Donghae’s eyes. “I wasn’t going to tell you but you arrived announcing your lies.”
Donghae smiles, and the conversation ripens until after two hours, when Kibum notices the time and fumbles for his phone and realizes he has kids to teach early tomorrow morning. Kibum proceeds to walking Donghae home because it’s on his way, anyway. And Donghae rides the elevator up to the seventh floor where Hyukjae waits for him.
He dashes to the window, ignoring Hyukjae’s inquisition and surveys the ground for Kibum. He smiles when he notices his built, and he released a sigh when he realized Kibum is walking back to the opposite direction.
“Hyukjae,” Donghae finally speaks, after diving onto the couch. “I think I just met the love of my life.”
--
Hyukjae doesn’t like Kibum, Donghae realizes. Kibum spends the night at Donghae’s apartment - which is also Hyukjae’s, and the three of them awkwardly watched replays of Hyukjae’s favorite soccer team. Kibum, on the other hand, prefers History Channel’s re-run of Proving God.
Kibum cooks omurice and because he doesn’t really know how to cook, the food sucks. Hyukjae throws it up two minutes after he first ingests it.
It is clear as crystal that Kibum isn’t very welcome in Hyukjae’s apartment. However, Donghae wants him to stay very much, so he stays.
“I cry at the beauty that is you and me,” Donghae whispers to the air the morning after Kibum stayed over. Kibum has gone to teach at the school and he leaves Donghae a note explaining. “I really, really cry at the beauty that is you and me.”
--
Kibum cancels an amusement park date with Donghae two minutes before they are supposed to meet at the entrance of the park, where Donghae already is. Needless to say, Donghae is greatly disappointed. Agreeing to come with Kibum was already a decisive moment, Donghae thinks. Being stood up drops his heart to an infinitely dark pit of black nothingness.
Hyukjae comes to his rescue.
“Do you remember that ride where you plunge to the water?” Donghae asks.
“Yes,” Hyukjae answers. “I think you were groping me somewhere private.”
A hand hits Hyukjae’s arm playfully. “I have never groped you anywhere ever. Besides, I’m about to explain something Of Great Importance so shut it.”
Hyukjae zips his lips together and nudges Donghae to swallow the imaginary key. Donghae does swallow the imaginary key.
“Remember the feeling of not seeing anything but the sky? Of not seeing the tracks?” Donghae asks and Hyukjae doesn’t respond because he doesn’t remember. “Anyway, I just felt so free at that moment. Honestly, I felt like I was going to die at that point, but it felt so freeing at the same time - that split second before we fell.”
“It’s like,” Hyukjae starts and Donghae looks at him. “It’s almost like you see and think there’s nothing, but all of a sudden, there’s something.”
“No, but you know there are going to be tracks,” Donghae disagrees. “So maybe it’s knowing and not knowing at the same time?”
“Wow,” Hyukjae says. “That’s a thought to write down.”
Donghae smiles and stands from the bed they were laying down. He rummages for paper and pen from Hyukjae’s bag. He writes it down.
“I’m so glad I have a smart boyfriend.”
“Shut the hell up.” Donghae beams and crawls back to Hyukjae’s side.
--
Kibum doesn’t come back for Donghae. He doesn’t answer his phone and he doesn’t send messages, too. He doesn’t go online anymore. He isn’t at his favorite Starbucks, either. He isn’t at the school where he works, too.
Total silence.
Kibum gives Donghae total silence.
It lasts for a week.
And Kibum asks him to meet at their Starbucks at around lunch time.
Donghae goes and notices how pale Kibum is, how frail he looks. “Are you alright?” Donghae loses all desire to be mad at him.
“I’ve been really sick,” Kibum explains.
And it takes that for Donghae to take him into his arms again. “I was so sad, and so worried.” He almost knocks Kibum’s macchiato off the table but he catches it before it tumbles. “How are you feeling now?”
“Super.”
“Honestly.”
“I’m just glad to see you,” he says.
Donghae smiles and reaches out his hand to touch Kibum’s face.
Kibum moves away. “Listen,” he starts. “I’m really, really sorry.”
And it ends.
--
Hyukjae entertains heartbroken Donghae with Titanic humor. “It just went right down. It didn’t capsize like most ship wrecks. It broke in half, sank and then it went right down.”
Donghae smiles, “You’re such a nerd.”
Hyukjae looks hurt because he really likes The Titanic because it was unsinkable and then it sank.
“It’s awesome.” Donghae’s teeth are white and sparkly. “However, don’t you think because of people like you who are so amused by this sinking ship, the sinking goes on forever?”
“You’re suggesting that because of me, the Titanic is perpetually sinking?”
“Well, yes.”
Hyukjae nods after contemplating for a while. “Other than the fact that if that’s true, then I’m also perpetually killing people, that’s so awesome.”
“You’re also very weird,” Donghae suggests.
“On the scale of zero to Donghae, how weird am I?”
Donghae kicks Hyukjae as a response, tosses an orange to him and un-pauses the DVD player. Then, the sinking commences. “I think Kibum and I are like the Titanic. Unsinkable, presumably, but still sank.”
“Nobody said you two were unsinkable.”
“I did.”
Hyukjae scrunches his nose in annoyance, because how do you fall in love with people you meet in chatrooms and tragically suicidal blogsites, anyway? “I think I’m Titanic, honestly, I hit icebergs and split in two and sink perpetually.”
“No way.” Donghae is surprised. He has never thought of Hyukjae as someone capable of sinking. To him, Hyukjae is perfect - and unattainable. “You can never, ever sink. You’re so buoyant you’ll survive the greatest flood of all great floods.”
“I’m sinking right now.”
“How so?”
Hyukjae smiles and his gums show and he tries to hide them. “Well, you don’t ever see me, so. That makes me sink, somehow.”
“But you’re all I ever see!” Donghae says, thinking of the past few heartbroken days in which Hyukjae doesn’t leave him alone because of the fear of him breaking down.
Hyukjae nods and realizes this. He hopes these words meant more to Donghae than they do at the moment. “Yeah, literally.”
“Also,” Donghae confesses. “Metaphorically.”
--
Donghae buys Hyukjae a white grand piano for Christmas and Hyukjae is beyond shocked. Hyukjae doesn’t play the piano. Donghae just wants to teach him.
Hyukjae’s gift suddenly becomes too little in his hands, too negligible. “This is a little present.”
There is a lot of unwrapping that ensued. The red and green wrapper is taped too profusely to the small box the size of Hyukjae’s shoe boxes. When Donghae gets it opened, it really is a shoe box and he doesn’t really need one more pair for his vast collection but he swallows his useless comment and proceeds to opening it completely.
Donghae takes out a rolled sheet of paper from the box. It read, “Who are you today?”
Hyukjae responds to his unspoken question, “This is supposed to be a grand gesture. But… You just gave me a grand piano so the effect isn’t up to par.”
“A grand gesture?”
“Of love, supposedly.”
“A grand gesture of love?” Donghae tells himself. And he recites the question aloud again, “Hyukjae, who are you today?”
Hyukjae smiles, “Your boyfriend, possibly.”
--
For Donghae, being with Hyukjae is impossible. He thinks he’s perfect, yes, but there are a million reasons why Donghae doesn’t like Hyukjae, why no matter how close they get or how much time they spend together, they will never, ever be together.
“Like poles repel,” Donghae reasons to himself aloud. Hyukjae is perfect. So is Donghae. Probably even more so.
Hence, Hyukjae is rejected.
It doesn’t matter, because Kibum is back from his non-existence. Donghae takes him back, with arms wide open and legs opened wider. Donghae smiled at Hyukjae in an apology, as well, because he feels bad for a friend who can’t seem to find someone to love.
--
“It’s nice to fall in love like this,” Donghae says, referring to Kibum’s warm arms and being alone with Hyukjae drinking a hot cup of dark coffee, all at the same time.
Hyukjae smiles, back in the one and only position he’s ever had in Donghae’s life - a perpetual best friend, thinking it really could have been nice to fall in love like this, at least once in his life with the only person in the world who he feels is perfect for him.
“The sky is really beautiful if it’s teeming with stars like this,” Donghae attempts to get Hyukjae speaking again.
But there isn’t a response. Maybe Hyukjae is still wallowing over his not staying as much as he used to back at their apartment. Maybe he isn’t. Maybe it’s not about his staying at Kibum’s, instead. Maybe it’s not even about Kibum at all.
“You really are perfect like this,” Donghae gives up with a small voice. Because he can only take so much of Hyukjae being wonderful and amazing and gorgeous and overwhelming and breath-taking all at the same time without even saying a word. He sighs and gives up, because there is no future and no past and nothing ever is more substantial than Hyukjae being perfect and incredible.
“Love isn’t ever enough, is it?”
Donghae smiles, back in the one and only position he’s ever had in Hyukjae’s life - a perpetual best friend, thinking it really could have been nice to fall in love like this, at least once in his life with the only person in the world who he feels is perfect for him.
--
A/N: This story is rewritten about three times and typed in a gazillion seating; if it’s weird and wrong, it’s because of these, maybe. Thanks to Gen for all the support ROFLMAO ^^