Dateline: Philadelphia Navy Yard. 2 Feb, 2016
I've been on LJ sabbatical. Like completely gone. I'm not sure how long it's been at this point. And by sabbatical, I mean that even as my posts began to taper off a few years ago, I was still reading and following my Flist. sometime, probably during the summer, I tapered off of reading. I tapered off of following. And I've recently recognized this strange antipathy and anxiety and emptiness when I'd flip on the computer. it's been growing so much that i finally noticed when I, well, Even my FB posts, so vapid to write and filled with candy floss to post while smoking a cigarette in one hand, holding the phone in the other during a furtive moment I could slip into a hidey-hole on the ship, even those posts have been grinding to a silence.
In cyberspace, nobody can hear you scream.
So I've come to this spectacular realization that I've been lured down the rosy path by the facile, the quick fix and the novelty. I'm disgusted with myself. I've forsaken this place, and I'm hoping that by coming back into the fold, I can ameliorate my feeling of...Well, let's just say dread, when it comes to these webs. Too many people know when I'm online, even if I'm not there. My computer is just on and I'm elsewhere. I'm watching HULU. I'm getting a back-up while I'm at work. Apparently the FB still shows me as being there. And I'm not. And people get pissed! they get jealous and paranoid. That shit is ruining out social consturcts. for the worse. It makes people like me less likely to interact with ANYONE IRL or OL. I simply don't understand how even old-schoolers have become so quick to adopt the "if they don't Text back in 10 seconds, somethings wrong" default. Man, I have to take the time to think about how I want to type words into the machine, even if I'm NOT in a puddle of oil sludge when the text comes in. Fuck. I don't track people. I don't stalk anyone, aside for the few who have irrevocably cut me out of their lives (mostly: They should have. but still, man, i think we all have those people we genuinely miss being close to. And genuinely regret crossing their line in the sand, weather we knew where that line was or not.) anyway, what I'm trying to hammer home, in my head more than yours, is that *this* is where I should be concentrating my efforts. 2+ FB accounts, and not a drop to drink. I was deluding myself and paying a heavy price during Quality v. Quantity week.
I've recognized that I've changed so much since 2001 (or two?) when I started this internet diary, yet my basic needs remain. And I don't think that anyplace can satisfy those needs like here. Like you.
In an effort to heal myself, I want back in. I apologize for neglecting to read, to follow, to care. There were reasons, but they aren't even real. I want back in. I want to tell you about my life again. I may not be going on wicked adventures anymore, at least not in the near future, but I'm enough of a narcissist to think that someone wants to read about the Great Torpedo Heater Fights of 2016. they are happening now! if you think your office bullshit is BULLSHIT, you have never worked on a boat....
Hey, man. I started typing with the intention of an update, with more to follow. Not a "please validate me" post.
But more than anything, right now? Right here? on a boat that will never move off this pier? I think validation is what I really need. Details will follow weather you like it or not. Maybe, if i
all my best
-Dawg
In cyberspace, nobody can hear you scream.
So I've come to this spectacular realization that I've been lured down the rosy path by the facile, the quick fix and the novelty. I'm disgusted with myself. I've forsaken this place, and I'm hoping that by coming back into the fold, I can ameliorate my feeling of...Well, let's just say dread, when it comes to these webs. Too many people know when I'm online, even if I'm not there. My computer is just on and I'm elsewhere. I'm watching HULU. I'm getting a back-up while I'm at work. Apparently the FB still shows me as being there. And I'm not. And people get pissed! they get jealous and paranoid. That shit is ruining out social consturcts. for the worse. It makes people like me less likely to interact with ANYONE IRL or OL. I simply don't understand how even old-schoolers have become so quick to adopt the "if they don't Text back in 10 seconds, somethings wrong" default. Man, I have to take the time to think about how I want to type words into the machine, even if I'm NOT in a puddle of oil sludge when the text comes in. Fuck. I don't track people. I don't stalk anyone, aside for the few who have irrevocably cut me out of their lives (mostly: They should have. but still, man, i think we all have those people we genuinely miss being close to. And genuinely regret crossing their line in the sand, weather we knew where that line was or not.) anyway, what I'm trying to hammer home, in my head more than yours, is that *this* is where I should be concentrating my efforts. 2+ FB accounts, and not a drop to drink. I was deluding myself and paying a heavy price during Quality v. Quantity week.
I've recognized that I've changed so much since 2001 (or two?) when I started this internet diary, yet my basic needs remain. And I don't think that anyplace can satisfy those needs like here. Like you.
In an effort to heal myself, I want back in. I apologize for neglecting to read, to follow, to care. There were reasons, but they aren't even real. I want back in. I want to tell you about my life again. I may not be going on wicked adventures anymore, at least not in the near future, but I'm enough of a narcissist to think that someone wants to read about the Great Torpedo Heater Fights of 2016. they are happening now! if you think your office bullshit is BULLSHIT, you have never worked on a boat....
Hey, man. I started typing with the intention of an update, with more to follow. Not a "please validate me" post.
But more than anything, right now? Right here? on a boat that will never move off this pier? I think validation is what I really need. Details will follow weather you like it or not. Maybe, if i
all my best
-Dawg