2008
I'm trying to begin the new year refreshed, without burden... or needless worry. So I'm trying to rid myself of a certain person. Not really rid them of my entire life, per se. They have been in my life for quite a long time. I don't think I'd ever be able to make myself eliminate them.
But I decided to treat this as an addiction, as it pretty much... is such. I can't do this anymore. It's gone on for years. Years! Can't believe it. And nothing has ever truly come out of it, except the occasional argument, disappointment after disappointment, the constant building up of my (though irrational) hopes only to be cut down time after time. The realization that the person I put on a pedestal views me as one of many, that most likely I serve as fuel for their self-esteem, not much else. Not even do I have the privilege of being in their company often. I gave up within that aspect a long time ago.
This is not to say I don't care for them anymore, though maybe I shouldn't. They hold a big (read:massive) part of my heart. I think they always have since the day we met.
But I'm no masochist.
But I decided to treat this as an addiction, as it pretty much... is such. I can't do this anymore. It's gone on for years. Years! Can't believe it. And nothing has ever truly come out of it, except the occasional argument, disappointment after disappointment, the constant building up of my (though irrational) hopes only to be cut down time after time. The realization that the person I put on a pedestal views me as one of many, that most likely I serve as fuel for their self-esteem, not much else. Not even do I have the privilege of being in their company often. I gave up within that aspect a long time ago.
This is not to say I don't care for them anymore, though maybe I shouldn't. They hold a big (read:massive) part of my heart. I think they always have since the day we met.
But I'm no masochist.