It's Tina's Birthday.
....Somebody yells in the crowd of the bar. A bunch of 22 year-old girls laugh at the table behind me. I set their table on fire. Neil and I leave the restaurant and make our way to a new club in town. You see the outside looks like the inside and vice versa. It's great.
So we get inside, because Neil knows some people, and I get to the bar and say ask for the bartender. Some barfly points at the other end and I see Tom Cruise throwing bottles around and making Cocktails. I tell Neil that I would rather go somewhere that everybody knows my name, he slaps me and tells me to never reference Cheers again. Once I order my first drink for my birthday I sit down at a table. Turns out this bar has this crazy concept where these girls dance on top of the bar. I don't think that's very sanitary especially considering one of them was Tyra Banks. I'm just saying.
Just then a bar fight broke out and everybody was there. Patrick Swayze was giving Roundhouse's left and right. The Texas State Armadillos were fighting their college rivals and I thought I would never see Scott Bakula again. That's another story though.
At the bar was Matt and Trey and this 8 year old kid with a liver problem drinking away. Neil and I laugh, because kids do the darndest things. But enough bar movie references.
PT.2
I wake up the next morning with a killer headache and the sharpest elbows I have ever felt going into my back. Somehow, I had gotten my way into bed an orangutan. I don't think anything happened except for spooning and I'm somehow ok with that. After making a bunch of spitting noises and sticking out his tounge, I found out his name was Dunston and that he had just checked into this hotel room.
So Dunston and I went down the hall and he introduced me to two of his friends, both chimpanzees. One's name was Ed and he was a baseball player and the other was apparently recognized as the Most Valuable Primate in many different sports. We chilled out in the hotel lobby and just had arm wrestling matches. Dunston won because he had longer elbows. Just then Neil found me and told me to stop monkeying around, I told the monkies to punch him in the face and they worked him over like it was Conquest of the Planet of the Apes. After they finished Neil and I went back home. I called the her majesty and she took care of Neil while he recovered from his injuries.
I don't know if I'll ever see my primate friends again, but if I do I just pray to God that they do not bring their friend Monkeybone, becaue that is not cool. You hear me. I don't care if Brendan Fraser is in it. That is not cool.