You get your own tree.
A. Let's get Sally's pettiness out of the way first
A.1 - In the last book, Sally's least favorite character was killed off. Everyone else was saddened and cried; I didn't exactly rejoice, but I had an overall positive reaction. Okay, so after killing him, JKR then proceeded to completely knock out his pedestal and crucify his character for the first 3/4 of this book. It was a better development than I ever imagined, and I LOVED IT! When Harry was emo-ing over how they blindly trusted Dumbledore when Dumbledore didn't trust them enough to tell them anything before sending them on suicide missions, I was like "Bitch, I've been ranting about that exact same thing since Book 1!" I knew he was going to be redeemed in the end, but 600 pages of long overdue Dumbledore smackdown is still 600 pages of long overdue Dumbledore smackdown.
A.2 - I love you, Aberforth! Just for the Dumbledore's orifice line! And for punching him in the face!
B. Unintentionally (or maybe intentionally) hilarious and/or pervy parts
B.1 - Anytime Aberforth and goats are mentioned in the same sentence. I don't know, is that just a fandom thing, or did normal people find that sketchy too back in Book 5 or whatever it was?
B.2 - Anytime it talked about Harry and Ginny's "stolen hours" in the "secluded corners" of Hogwarts. Reminds me of the time Katie Couric (or whoever) asked JKR whether there will be shagging in the books; JKR didn't say no. ;)
B.3 - The idea of Lupin as a deadbeat dad who abandons his pregnant wife. Lupin is secretly Kevin Federline and made his living with a "rap" "career" during that 14 year gap, y/n?
B.4 - Awww Krum is horny and frustrated that he can't get groupies. Also, he wants to pick up Ginny. Lol dude, she's jailbait.
B.5 - Ron's Charm Witches book for Harry. One, you do know he's going to be using it on your sister? Two, who else thought of that Bible thing from American Pie? It's about more than just "wandwork" indeed. ;)
B.6 - "NOT MY DAUGHTER, BITCH!" Tsk tsk, JKR. Isn't this supposed to be PG? :p But yay for badass!Molly.
B.7 - Dumbledore spying on naked!Harry when they were in limbo or whatever. That? Was not necessary.
C. Snapeypoo gets his own section
C.1 - *puts on big, fake, clown smile a la Colbert after last year's Emmys* I CALLED IT! *balloons fall*
C.2 - I thought the worst way Snape could die would be to jump in front of Harry dramatically and take a killing curse for him or something like that. I was wrong. The actual plot was worse (although, granted, it gets points for not being cliched and predictable). Seriously. He's MIA for 2/3 of the book, then shows up for about 2 seconds, doesn't really do anything, and then eats it Cleopatra style except without the dignity of a suicide. All because Voldemort deemed him more expendable than some wand. Seriously. He didn't even get to gloat to and/or bitch at Harry. Gah robbed! The least he could've gotten was a badass monologue to Harry (or Voldemort) when he was dying instead of just "Take it". You deserved better, Snapeypoo!
D. JKR writes ships like mediocre fanfiction, but we already knew that
D.1 - Harry/Ginny: Believe it or not, this was my first ship ever, before I knew what shipping was, and I still have a soft spot for it. I thought the execution here was a lot better than it was in HBP, so yay for that.
D.2 - Ron/Hermione: I used to hate this ship. I still do, but less fervently, probably because not being in fandom made me less angry and rabid. Eh whatever, it's not like we didn't know it was coming. I've done all the ranting I needed to do 2 years ago. I'm over it.
D.3 - Harry/Hermione: "JKR tries to mollify shippers" scheme #1. Oh shit, even though I made it obvious that R/Hr are going to get together since, like, Book 2, rabid H/Hr shippers are still going to come torch my house if I make it explicitly canon. What do I do? What do I do? Oh hey! I know! Let's get rid of Ron for a couple of chapters and have H/Hr travel alone. The Harmonians can imagine whatever they want about what happens in the tent at night. Oh what the hell, let's throw in some random H/Hr caressing too!
D.4 - Lupin/Tonks: "JKR tries to mollify shippers" scheme #2. Remus/Sirius shippers are pissed at me after the last book. Wtf? I never knew there were so many of them. It's all the movies' fault for making Remus look like everyone's favorite gay uncle. Hmm must throw Gay!Remus fans a bone. How about...uh...Remus is miserable with his wife...yeah, and he says their marriage was a mistake. Because he's a werewolf. And if people want to interpret "werewolf" as code for "homosexual" like they did in the last book, I ain't stopping them.
D.5 - Snape/Lily: JKR loses the points she got for having a somewhat original Snape death. Ambiguously evil person repents because of a girl? Really? Out of all the ships she could have plucked out of obscurity, she picked the one that was self-aware enough to name itself "S.S. Cliched"? Really? [/Really? with Seth and Amy] I'm not against it - it's nice after all to get one Gryffindor/Slytherin ship - but I'd have preferred her sticking with the HBP momentum and carrying though Snape/Narcissa. Also, I've seen Snape/Lily backstories done much better in fanfics, but eh, it was still kind of sweet.
E. Nitpicking and miscellaneous comments
E.1 - I honestly didn't think it was going to be such a bloodbath. :/
E.2 - Dumbledore, your stupid plan, like all your other stupid plans, still made no sense. People, correct me if I'm wrong, but all that needed to happen was a) Harry voluntarily lets Voldemort kill him, and b) destroy all the horcruxes, right? The former could've been accomplished really easily by telling Harry that he's a horcrux and he needs to be killed. The latter could've been done by anyone, and it could've probably been done quicker by committee. Seriously. There was zero reason for the mythical quest thing that just dragged out the war. Also, the Deathly Hallows really didn't factor in at all?
E.3 - Are supposedly "good" people just going around using Unforgivables all over the place now? It shouldn't have been made into such a big deal in Book 4 if it wasn't completely OMG!HORRIBLE.
E.4 - Wtf at the teachers deciding to rebel as soon as Harry shows up? So random. We were fine with serving under Snape and the Carrows while they openly abuse students and flaunt their Death Eater status, but hey, Harry Potter's here! Vive la revolution!
E.5 - I think the last 1/4 of the book would've been more effective/emotional if I didn't know Harry was going to live. Damn you, spoilers.
E.6 - The horcrux possessing its wearer, and they had to take turns. God of the Lost, anyone? o.O
F. The Leaked Epilogue of Doom
F.1 - Yeah, so obvious JKR wrote this chapter years ago before her writing got better throughout the other books. And so obvious she didn't bother revising it too much since then. But hey, if I finally finished a 20-year project, I wouldn't want to go back and re-write a chapter either.
F.2 - In the context of the entire book though, it's not that bad with the exception of the kids' names. Actually, it's pretty much just "Albus Severus" that ruined everything. If you're going to name a kid Albus Severus, at the very least name the other kids Romulus or Augustus or something so it doesn't stand out. The incongruity is worse than the name itself.
F.3 - Lol their kids are so incestuous. Also, there will be 200 Rose/Scorpius fics by next week, y/n? ETA: After taking a cursory trip around fandom, I realized that although there will be 200 Rose/Scorpius fics by next week, there will be 20,000 Albus Severus/Scorpius fics by that time. We regret the omission.
F.4 - ETA: You know what Lily/James/Albus Severus reminds me of? One Hundred Years of Solitude, where everyone's names are repeated but also mixed and matched. Albus Severus = Aureliano Jose. (For some reason, I thought there was an Arcadio Aureliano. That would've worked better, had it existed.) [/random]
G. And we're done! Cheers, everyone! :)