JOURNAL VIRGIN
Hmm. Very interesting. I just spent 20 minutes composing a mindshattering debutante entry. My computer then proceeded to shut down. A sign? If so, I'll ignore it, and try to recap:
Alright, Ladies. I am going to give this thing a shot. I am more of a pen and paper type of gal, but I do like the idea of having a place for my head to spill, all the while knowing that maybe someone is bored enough, or perhaps, dare I say, intrigued enough by my ramblings to read them.
Today is a milestone for me. Normally, my instinct is to fear the good times, not really ever savoring them because I fear the bad times must be lurking in the shadows. :::pensive::: You know what? Fuck that. I'm sick of it. I don't want you to braid my hair and call me Pollyanna, but geez. I want to be happy about something without worrying about what comes next. You know what I'm saying. The world is bullshit.
You know that term "Breath of Fresh Air" ? I once met a boy named Matt Fox. We had a wonderful and interesting conversation while sitting on a sidewalk. He told me about his girlfriend. He told me about her beautiful Italian accent and about her nail biting habit and about her snorting laugh and her love of pancakes with too much syrup. In general, as he talked, I secretly wished that I was lucky enough to have a boy who saw all of the things in me (not specifically the same exact things, but the proverbial "THINGS") that Matt Fox saw in his Lady. Okay, to the point, he said, "You know, this world can really seem like a Big Garbage Bag of Shit, and all day long, I'm trapped in it, the nastiness, the negativity, the self-doubt, the stink, and for some reason, when she's around, it's like I found a tiny rip in the bag to stick my head out of. She's my Breath of Fresh Air."
I wish I made that up. I had to sit there and listen to this guy say all of that and still not JUMP HIS BONES. Haha. No, but I just feel like he too suffered from pessimism, from doubt, he too was suspended in fear or skeptisism. And he found a way to break out of it. In this case, his perfect Italian girlfriend, Gia. (lucky bitch)
SO, the point is. APPRECIATE THE BREATH OF FRESH AIR! Even if you know inevitably, it's back into the Garbage Bag of Shit you go. From hence forth, it shall be called the G.B.O.S. (PS: I cuss like a sailorette, so cover your ears. movie quote: "EARMUFFS!") Also, Breath of Fresh Air, shall be a BOFA (even though that's my stupid bank, Bank of America)
MY B.O.F.A. for today: I picked up my first check from Blue Seven. Though it's symbolic value GREATLY outweighs it's monetary value, it served as such a validation, and really has me inspired and excited about things to come. All I did was create something, have fun doing it, show it to someone who said "that's cool, we'll sell it", and guess what: other people liked it too! Enough to PAY MONEY FOR IT! I just dropped off some bags last Friday, and they were already sold out! They were all, "MAKE MORE! BRING MORE!" I am so excited! And I'm not going to worry about when the excitement will run out or if it will be extinguished by some impending disaster. Until then, I'm going to ride the wave. And more importantly, when the next "valley" of my rollercoaster life comes, I'll remember that the "peak" has to be ahead.
NOT POLLYANNA, just a little more determined in my quest to just be a happier person. I'm really trying to pinpoint the things that make me happy. It may sound completely childish or just retarded, but you have to find the things that no matter what, will always make you happy, or at least 99% of the time. These things can be objects, activities, people, animals, etc; Personally, I still love to color, like...with crayons...in coloring books. I fucking love it. My favorite is to do this while sitting outside in soft grass wearing a tank top. See, I've not only found an activity, but there's a location and dress code! Also, if I see PUGS, they immediately make me happy. It's like someone shoots happiness into my veins. Even in it's momentary. Sewing is also one of these "HAPPY" activities. And now I can do it, and make money, thus giving me more hope to be able to do something I love and survive, rather than keep stressing out about getting people to try on a certain pair of pants and to apply for a credit card that will inevitably ruin their life. : )
I just want to say, if you are still reading...to all my Ladies from Tuesday night...you are definitely my B.O.F.A. right now.
LAUREN: We missed you. See you Monday?
DELLA: Stop dominating the conversation! And stop fantasizing about Pinhead.
CANDICE: So wonderful to meet you! Your sweet little voice is one of the best I've ever heard. It's so cute I want to put it in my pocket.
GERI: I know you're still in love with Brandon because of your Magical Prom Date, you can be honest with me. STILL KEEPING MY FINGERS CROSSED FOR YOU ABOUT DISNEY! So glad we finally got to "meet".
SHELLI: Even though your first crush was DRACULA, I guess since you didn't wear make-up, you're not Goth. : P You do such an amazing job of both listening and contributing. I have much to learn from you. Plus, you bring the best snacks.
KIMI: What to say kiddo. You rock. You're stronger than you will ever give yourself credit for!!! God bless you for flipping the script on your "weaknesses", and not only confronting them, but creating a safe place for other Ladies to do the same.
I LOVE YOU GIRLS!
The Shanster
Alright, Ladies. I am going to give this thing a shot. I am more of a pen and paper type of gal, but I do like the idea of having a place for my head to spill, all the while knowing that maybe someone is bored enough, or perhaps, dare I say, intrigued enough by my ramblings to read them.
Today is a milestone for me. Normally, my instinct is to fear the good times, not really ever savoring them because I fear the bad times must be lurking in the shadows. :::pensive::: You know what? Fuck that. I'm sick of it. I don't want you to braid my hair and call me Pollyanna, but geez. I want to be happy about something without worrying about what comes next. You know what I'm saying. The world is bullshit.
You know that term "Breath of Fresh Air" ? I once met a boy named Matt Fox. We had a wonderful and interesting conversation while sitting on a sidewalk. He told me about his girlfriend. He told me about her beautiful Italian accent and about her nail biting habit and about her snorting laugh and her love of pancakes with too much syrup. In general, as he talked, I secretly wished that I was lucky enough to have a boy who saw all of the things in me (not specifically the same exact things, but the proverbial "THINGS") that Matt Fox saw in his Lady. Okay, to the point, he said, "You know, this world can really seem like a Big Garbage Bag of Shit, and all day long, I'm trapped in it, the nastiness, the negativity, the self-doubt, the stink, and for some reason, when she's around, it's like I found a tiny rip in the bag to stick my head out of. She's my Breath of Fresh Air."
I wish I made that up. I had to sit there and listen to this guy say all of that and still not JUMP HIS BONES. Haha. No, but I just feel like he too suffered from pessimism, from doubt, he too was suspended in fear or skeptisism. And he found a way to break out of it. In this case, his perfect Italian girlfriend, Gia. (lucky bitch)
SO, the point is. APPRECIATE THE BREATH OF FRESH AIR! Even if you know inevitably, it's back into the Garbage Bag of Shit you go. From hence forth, it shall be called the G.B.O.S. (PS: I cuss like a sailorette, so cover your ears. movie quote: "EARMUFFS!") Also, Breath of Fresh Air, shall be a BOFA (even though that's my stupid bank, Bank of America)
MY B.O.F.A. for today: I picked up my first check from Blue Seven. Though it's symbolic value GREATLY outweighs it's monetary value, it served as such a validation, and really has me inspired and excited about things to come. All I did was create something, have fun doing it, show it to someone who said "that's cool, we'll sell it", and guess what: other people liked it too! Enough to PAY MONEY FOR IT! I just dropped off some bags last Friday, and they were already sold out! They were all, "MAKE MORE! BRING MORE!" I am so excited! And I'm not going to worry about when the excitement will run out or if it will be extinguished by some impending disaster. Until then, I'm going to ride the wave. And more importantly, when the next "valley" of my rollercoaster life comes, I'll remember that the "peak" has to be ahead.
NOT POLLYANNA, just a little more determined in my quest to just be a happier person. I'm really trying to pinpoint the things that make me happy. It may sound completely childish or just retarded, but you have to find the things that no matter what, will always make you happy, or at least 99% of the time. These things can be objects, activities, people, animals, etc; Personally, I still love to color, like...with crayons...in coloring books. I fucking love it. My favorite is to do this while sitting outside in soft grass wearing a tank top. See, I've not only found an activity, but there's a location and dress code! Also, if I see PUGS, they immediately make me happy. It's like someone shoots happiness into my veins. Even in it's momentary. Sewing is also one of these "HAPPY" activities. And now I can do it, and make money, thus giving me more hope to be able to do something I love and survive, rather than keep stressing out about getting people to try on a certain pair of pants and to apply for a credit card that will inevitably ruin their life. : )
I just want to say, if you are still reading...to all my Ladies from Tuesday night...you are definitely my B.O.F.A. right now.
LAUREN: We missed you. See you Monday?
DELLA: Stop dominating the conversation! And stop fantasizing about Pinhead.
CANDICE: So wonderful to meet you! Your sweet little voice is one of the best I've ever heard. It's so cute I want to put it in my pocket.
GERI: I know you're still in love with Brandon because of your Magical Prom Date, you can be honest with me. STILL KEEPING MY FINGERS CROSSED FOR YOU ABOUT DISNEY! So glad we finally got to "meet".
SHELLI: Even though your first crush was DRACULA, I guess since you didn't wear make-up, you're not Goth. : P You do such an amazing job of both listening and contributing. I have much to learn from you. Plus, you bring the best snacks.
KIMI: What to say kiddo. You rock. You're stronger than you will ever give yourself credit for!!! God bless you for flipping the script on your "weaknesses", and not only confronting them, but creating a safe place for other Ladies to do the same.
I LOVE YOU GIRLS!
The Shanster