Rumors - Chapter VI
Title: Rumors
Author: Sally Daer (sallydaer@hotmail.com)
Fandom: Star Trek reboot
Characters: James Kirk, Leonard McCoy
Rating: NC-17 .)
Disclaimer: They're not mine. I'm only playing with them for a while.
Artist:
zhie thanks so much for helping me with this.
Beta:
alluranna who was amazingly suportive and helpful. Thanks a lot. All the remaining mistakes are mine.
Summary: Jim always thought that he knew all there was to know about his best friend,. Now he's not so sure.
Bones, apparently, didn't share his point of view because the door stayed closed, it didn't matter how many time he pressed the chime. The captain's overdrive code didn't work either. So the stubborn bastard had used one of the strongest medical security codes, and that Jim only could break with Spock's collaboration. And, asking for the Vulcan help for something like that? That wasn't going to happen any time soon. He was ready to start punching at the door when a yeoman appeared around the corner. He had to take a step back and retreat. Allowing the crew to see his captain shouting at the CMO’s door wasn't a good idea.
He was two corridors and half a deck away when he changed his mind. If Bones believed that he'd let pass something like that without speaking about it, he was wrong. He couldn't be more wrong. He turned on his heels, almost knocking down an unaware ensign who was walking behind him, and made his way back to the doctor's quarters.
Of course, when he arrived there Bones had already left. The door opened at his first try, but the room was empty. Great, he thought. Now he'd have to waste half of the night looking for his friend around the ship. Of course, he could ask the computer to locate the CMO for him, but it'd feel like cheating. With a suffering sigh, he left the room and started a methodical search for Bones' preferred corners of the ship.
A stop in the medbay didn't show more results than a curious look from the nurse on duty and a walk to Rec Rom Four, the only one on the ship without windows and, of course, the doctor's favorite, was not more successful. From there, Jim debated between the gym and the still hidden in Scotty's office. The temptation of the still would probably be a strong one, but Jim didn't believe that Bone would be in the mood for the engineer’s company, so he chose the gym only to continue walking to the ship's bowels of the ship when he didn't find his missing CMO there either.
Frustrating as it was, the long walk through the ship gave Jim the time he needed to think about what he was going to do. Bones felt something for him. That wasn't what he had been expecting. It was... strange and totally unexpected. It wasn't that nobody had declared to be in love with him before. It had happened, a lot, but it was a kind of love that disappeared in the morning, or at the end of the weekend, or when the worst of the attack of lust that had made Jim jump into their bed had vanished.
It was true that Jim was prone to run away as soon as he could. It was perfectly possible that he had left some broken hearts behind him, but none of his former lovers had made too many efforts to see him again in a non sexual situation, so he was quite sure that it wasn't the case. He had learned a long time ago that, when people said, “I love you”, most of times they didn't mean it.
Bones, however, was a very different matter. He never said things just to say it. What the hell? He hadn't say anything and Jim knew that his friend's feelings for him weren't something fleeting. Bones didn't do things halfway. Bones had been married and had been faithful to his wife until the day he had signed the divorce papers even when the woman had been fucking other guys for months. Bones had committed to find a cure for his father's illness and had risked everything, his marriage, his medical license, his practice... everything, in his search of it.
Bones hated the idea of space and Starfleet, but once he had enlisted, he'd done his best to fit in there. Groaning and complaining all the time, but he had adapted to the military style of life, survived the flight sims, the combat classes, and the never ending bureaucracy. He'd never given up and had graduated first of his class. Jim had needed to fight really hard for him to stay on the Enterprise. Above everything, Bones had ever given up on Jim. He'd had faith in Jim when even Jim had not believed in himself.
So, if his friend felt something for him, that wasn't going to disappear all of a sudden. It was Jim, who had to decide what was going to happen with them. If he decided to ignore what had happened, he knew that Bones wouldn't speak about his feelings again. He'd make sure to not bother Jim with unrequited emotions that could change their friendship forever. And, probably, sometime in future he'd find another person who'd love him back. Jim had just learned that a few members of his crew were dying for the chance to do it.
The prospect of it wasn't pleasant. In the last days, he hadn't liked the idea of his friend hiding things from him, but what really had made him lose his head was the idea of Bones spending time with someone who was not him. He wasn't going to lie to himself. He had been jealous.
The alternative, then, was to give Bones what he wanted, although the stubborn bastard would never admit it aloud. He had never been in a committed relationship, so he wasn't very sure about what that would imply. They'd spend most of their free time together, he guessed, but that wouldn't be a real change. Social life in the ship was quite lacking, especially for the senior officers, and hanging out with Bones was usually the best thing to do. That wouldn't be a problem.
The main change, however, would be that they wouldn't have to go to separate rooms at the end of the night. And that, he thought feeling suddenly interested, was a very interesting turn in the situation. He loved to be the captain of his own ship, but the down side of it was that he hadn't had such an intimate relationship with his right hand since he was a teen. Having Bones, as his best friend and lover, however...
A rush of images crossed his mind in a second. He and Bones in bed. The two of them on a shore leave, drinking in a bar and returning home together. Coming back to the Enterprise after an away mission, knowing that Bones would be waiting for him. Hanging out when then weren't on duty without having to go on different ways at the end of the afternoon. Finding new ways to make Bones smile. Jim loved Bones' smile, the open, happy, careless smile that the doctor showed too few times. As his lover, Jim was sure that he'd be able to bring it up a lot more often. The more he thought about it, the more he liked the idea. The problem now was how to convince Bones of it.
Once the decision was taken, Jim didn't find any reason to lose more time. A quick consult to the always efficient ship computer revealed that doctor McCoy was currently in the stellar cartography lab, probably the last place where Jim would have looked for him. He was still there when the captain arrived there, almost ten minutes later.
The room was so dark that Jim almost thought it was empty. However, when his eyes got used to the shadows, he saw the well-known figure of Bones lying on a reclining seat in the back of the room and, of all things, watching the image of a nebula projected on the ceiling. Why was the man watching a recorded nebula when there were tons of perfectly beautiful stars that he could see from the observation desk was something that Jim didn't understand, but he wasn't going to ask. He had more important things to attend to.
He approached slowly, careful to not startle his friend, but Bones didn't move, not even when Jim sat on the closest seat. At least he wasn't running away again, Jim though. That was something.
“How long?” he questioned when he found a comfortable position because, really, how could he have not noticed it?
The answer, when it came, was almost a whisper but they were so close that Jim had no problem hearing it. “Since Khan. The feelings where there before, I guess, but when Scotty brought you in, when I opened that gray bag I just... I could not... I knew then.”
“But, Bones, that was more than two years ago.” Jim shift in his couch to have a better view of his friend's face. The doctor had his eyes fixed on the nebula that moved elegantly on the ceiling.”
“I know.”
“And you never said anything.”
“I know.”
“Why?” Jim asked because, really? Two years? How the hell had Bones been able to hid something like that for so long? “You should have told me.” He didn't know if he felt amazed or a little hurt.
“How could I have told you?” Bones finally turned to look at Jim. “Do you remember how things were two years ago?”
“How...? Oh!” Jim shut up when he caught on to what Bones was referring to. Two years ago, after the chaos that Marcus had caused in Star Fleet and San Francisco, his life had been a mess. Bones had managed to keep him safe while he had been in the hospital but, as soon as he had been declared fit for duty, things had become crazy. He had been debriefed for weeks, until his role in the disaster had been clarified. Even with so solid proof like the communications from Marcus in the Vengeance, recorded by the computer on the Enterprise, most of the admirals had found hard to believe their colleague's betrayal. Jim had been forced to justify all his actions, to tell once and again all he remembered about Khan and Marcus, their sick relationship, their acts and motives.
And maybe Jim should have felt too tired, too disgusted, too weak to do more than sleep between meeting and meeting, but he was alive, damnit. He was alive and he had needed to feel alive. So, instead of staying in his apartment resting like the good boy that he was supposed to be, he had gone out almost every night. He had drunk less than he used to, but he had flirted like mad and had returned home with a different person, with a different woman, every night.
Bones had been just as busy as he was, with his own briefings, so their paths had not crossed too often for some weeks. When they had finally got some time to spend together, the doctor had been somewhat withdrawn, but when Jim had inquired about it, Bones had put it down to his own problems with the medical board. The Admiralty was happy that their most famous captain was alive and had saved the world one more time, but they were not so happy with the method his CMO had used to keep him alive. If they had questioned Jim's decisions, they were giving Bones hell for his acts. So, Jim hadn't asked any more questions and had thrown his efforts into cheering up his friend by dragging him out with him as often as he could.
In retrospect, that probably had not been the best possible idea but, in his defense, he had to say that he couldn't know what was happening in his friend’s head. Eventually, however, Jim's social life had gone back to more acceptable levels, and his friendship with Bones had returned to its comfortable ways, but things have been strained between them for some time.
“I got it. Maybe then wasn't the best moment, but you could have said something later.”
“I could,” Bones shrugged. “But I couldn't see what good could have come of it.”
“Well,” Jim answered carefully. “Maybe I could have been interested.”
“Yes Sure. James Tiberius Kirk, the most famous womanizer of the Fleet interested in another guy. I can see how well it'd work.”
It was Jim's turn to shrug. He couldn't blame his friend for thinking like that. He had dated some guys, back in Iowa, more to bother Frank and Winona than for any other reason in the start, but he had enjoyed the experience enough to repeat it just for pleasure. When he had arrived to San Francisco, however, there had been too many female cadets from too many different worlds to keep him interested and only occasionally, he had taken another man to his bed. It wasn't strange that Bones didn't know about it.
“I prefer women,” he said after a moment. “But I've been with some men before and I'm not blind. I can appreciate beauty even when it doesn't come in a soft and curvy body. And all those people that I head speaking about you this week was right at least about one thing. You're probably the hottest man I've ever met.”
Jim suspected more than saw the doctor blushing. For a moment, the man looked too shocked to say anything but, finally, he shook his head.
“So we would go to bed once, maybe twice, and then your interested would have turned to some new girl. That wasn't what I wanted... what I want, Jim. I hate the idea of things becoming weird and uncomfortable between us only for a night of sex, it doesn’t matter how good the sex would be. You and your friendship mean too much for me to risk it for nothing.”
“Maybe.” Jim's first reaction was to deny it but then he changed his mid. I wasn't the most focused guy back then, but things are different now. I'm a different man. I think we could be really good together. I mean, if you're still interested,” he felt a moment of doubt.
“Jim. No. You don't need to do this for me. It's because of this that I didn't want you to know it. I don't want to make you uncomfortable. Things don't need to change between us. You just... ignore what you heard and I'll manage. Just trust me. I can do it. I can...”
That was enough, Jim decided. It was time to change his tactics. He had been involved in enough diplomatic missions to know that sometimes words were not enough and a more hands on approach was in order. He leaned forward and kissed Bones.
The angle was all wrong and Bones became rigid and made a small movement to get away from him, but Jim wasn’t the kind of man that allowed absurd inconveniences like that to get in his way. He moved to share his friend’s couch, held Bones closer, and took his lips again, deeper, more firmly this time, and after a moment he felt Bones start to relax in his arms.
“You know me. I'd never feign something like this, not even for you,” he gasped when they finally broke apart. “Especially not for you. But I want to try this. I'm sure that we can do this together.”
“Jim,” Bones groaned, trying to put some distance between them in the small space of the couch.
“What we have is great, but it could be even better. Can't you see it? Because I can. I cannot imagine myself doing something like this with anyone else but, with you?” His voice went down to become a whisper. “I can see how good can we be together, what we can have together, and I want it,” he added closing the distance between them again.
This time Bones didn't put up resistance and Jim took his time to explore his lips, his mouth, until his friend moaned and finally returned the kiss. Making use of the small advantage, Jim slid his tongue in his friend's mouth, looking for the passion that he knew Bones was trying to contain. It took some time, but finally he felt the other man's arms wrapping around him and, when they broke apart again, it was because they needed to take a breath.
This close, Bones' eyes were almost green and Jim was able to see the fast dance of emotions reflected in them. There was love, fear, and hope, but it was the doubt that prevailed. “You'll get bored. Maybe now you think you won't, but soon you'll need something new, someone new, and I'm not any good at sharing. You'll get frustrated, I'll make you miserable and everything will blow to hell and that cannot happen. I already lost my best friend once, when my wife divorced me, and I cannot go through that again.”
Since it had been such an effective method the first time, Jim kissed him again. He kept it sweet and light, but didn't stop until he felt Bones surrender to his embrace again. Then he moved away just enough to look him in the eyes.
“That's not going to happen. I've done some very crazy thing in my life, you know? And I've slept with a lot of very different people, so there aren't so many new things out there for me to try. Besides, if I have you in my bed I'm not going to feel that I'm missing anything,” he said, raising a hand to brush his friend's jaw with his thumb. “Because being with you is the never boring. Do you remember Commander Robins’ seminars? I can swear that I'm the only cadet in the history of the Academy that had fun in those and it was only because we were there together. I cannot imagine how that can change if we add sex to what we already have. Trust me,” he looked at Bones right to the eyes and hoped he was showing exactly what he felt. “I’d never do anything to hurt you on purpose.”
The frantic dance of emotions in the doctor's eyes continued for a brief moment, but then something seemed to click in his head and his expression changed to one that Jim knew well, the one that said that Doctor Leonard McCoy had come to a conclusion and was not going to change his mind. Suddenly, Jim found himself pinned to the couch with Bones lying over him, kissing him.
This time Bones was clearly in charge of things and Jim sank into the kiss, giving himself over completely, lips and tongue trying to learn everything there was to know about his friend. The taste of the bourbon that Bones had been drinking earlier that night was still in his tongue and he couldn't seem to get enough of it. He threaded his fingers into the dark, soft hair and sucked strongly on the exploring tongue, moaning softly when Bones pushed closer.
“Oh, yeah,” Bones whispered when their lips finally separated, his head dropping to Jim's shoulder. “I've dreamed about kissing you like this. Just kissing. Being allowed.”
“You should have asked sooner. I had no idea...” Jim replied, his hands already itching to explore his friend's body. “I don't want to stop, but we cannot do this here,” he sighed. It didn't matter how much he wanted to do that, an uncomfortable couch in the Stellar Cartography Lab was not the right place for his first time with Bones.
“Someone can enter at any time.” Bones agreed, but leaned over for another kiss anyway, brushing their chests together as he moved. Jim couldn't hold back and returned the kiss, and the next one, and the next, until a soft noise made them jump apart, almost tripping in their hurry to get up.
Jim preferred not to wonder about what the young officer that had just entered the room could think about Bones mused hair or about his own swollen lips. There were going to be some new rumors in the gossip mill of the ship the next morning, he thought, but he didn't mind. The only important thing now was getting out of the lab and finding some place where he and Bones could be alone, so he walked past the girl, saluted her without really looking at her face went out of the room with Bones right behind him and didn't stop until they were in the corridor.
“Your cabin or mine?” He asked, giving Bones the chance to choose.
“Yours.” The answer came fast and without any hint of doubt. “It's closer.”
Jim didn't question the decision, from his point of view they couldn't arrive at his quarters soon enough. They covered the distance to his cabin in silence, hands and shoulders brushing lightly while they walked through the almost empty corridors of the ship, and as soon as the door was closed behind them, he took his soon to be lover's hand in his and walked through the darkened room to the bedroom without turnning on the lights. In all his time as captain of the Enterprise, he had never shared that bed and he liked the idea of Bones being the first, the only one to do it. Without letting go of his hand, he turned to look at his friend.
“Are you sure, Jim?” The doubt was almost imperceptible in Bones's voice, but it was there for him to hear it.
“I'm yours, Bones” he replied quietly, taking off his shirt and undershirt in only one movement. “Whatever you want is yours.”
“You don't know for how long I've wanted to hear that.” Bones breathed deeply, sliding a hand to cup Jim's cheek as he moved to claim his mouth again. It was hungry and wet and consuming, all what Jim desired and more, and when they finally broke apart, they were panting again. Jim moaned and his head fell back, exposing his neck to Bones.
“All you want,” he muttered, reaching around his friend to hold him close. Bones accepted the blond's invitation licking the tendons in his neck, lips pressed against salty skin. “Tell me what you want.”
Bones seemed to freeze at that, and then he rose to look into Jim's eyes. “I want...” he said before kissing him again. “Oh, Christ... I want to feel you, to have you inside me.”
“Fuck, Bones. I want that too. I want you.”
Jim pushed Bones to the bed, a little stronger than he intended, and crawled over him pulling of doctor's t-shirt on his way up his body. Bones let himself be pushed onto the bed, hands reaching for Jim's waist and back, caressing the naked skin and arching against Jim’s exploring mouth when it reached his nipples.
“Yes, Jim... so good. I... lights. I want to see you,” he moaned sending a spark of lust straight to Jim's cock. “I need to see that it's finally you and not another crazy dream about you.”
“It's me. I'm the only one touching you tonight,” Jim groaned and ordered the computer to turn on the lights to a forty percent. Blinking at the suddenly intense light, he finished pulling the t-shirt over his friend’s head and stared astonished at his naked chest. He had seen Bones half-naked before. They had shared a room in their last year at the Academy, they had changed in the gym together more than once, he had even got to drag him to the beach on shore leave once or twice, but he had never really seen him. He had never looked before. He knew that the CMO had to pass the same physical tests as the rest of his crew, but he had not expected anything like that.
“We should have done that sooner,” he whispered gazing at the man spread out before him. “I had no idea...” Jim leaned forward for another kiss, enjoying the feeling of being able to do something like that freely, and reached for Bones's belt. “Help me. You have too many clothes on.”
Bones raised his shaking hands to his belt and, pushing Jim softly away, he undid the buckle and pulled the leather from the pants in a smooth movement. Then he opened the button and pulled down the zipper. Keeping his eyes on his friend, Jim rolled to the side and pushed the rest of his clothes into a messy pile beside the bed.
“God, you're beautiful.” Jim whispered, and ran his hand lightly over his friend chest. Hooking a knee, he pulled it up, making room to move between the other man's legs. He braced his hands on either side of him and leaned over for a kiss, bushing their chests together. Bones shifted to kick off his pants and tilted his head back to offer his lips better, raising one hand to fist it in Jim's hair.
“I want to feel you,” he moaned softly as their chests brushed. Jim rocked his body over Bones, just barely touching skin to skin.
“Oh, yes. You're going to feel me, but I need to taste you first.” Jim sucked slowly his new lover's neck, enjoying the sounds of pleasure that fell from his lips. He went down over his chest, slowly, licking and nibbling his nipples while Bones grasped his shoulders so strongly that Jim knew that he'd have marks on his shoulders in the morning.
He smiled when the hard abdomen shook under his touch, then sank his tongue in Bones’ navel and descended still a little more. Bones' erection rose proudly in front of him and Jim stopped only time enough to lick a drop of pearly moisture from the head before taking him in his mouth.
It had been a long time since he had done something like that, but he took his time to remember all the right places to touch, every spot he must caress coming back suddenly to his mind. His tongue did things that he didn't remember to have done before and he enjoyed the sound of the moans and gasps falling from his lover's lips. Before he had time to do much, however, he felt Bones' hands pushing him away softly.
“Wait,” the doctor panted and Jim lifted his mouth away. “Not like that. Not this time.”
Jim lifted his mouth and smiled. He didn't ask questions, just slid over Bones, kissing a trail back to his mouth. When he was within his reach, Bones wrapped his legs around his hips, bringing him even closer, and kissed him. He moaned when he tasted his own flavor on Jim's tongue.
“Take me, Jim,” he whispered hoarsely. Need was so clear in Bones's voice that it left Jim breathless. He raised a hand to brush the sweaty hair off his friend's forehead.
“Are you sure?” Jim asked, looking at him in the eyes. It was not that he thought that Bones were going to say no, but he needed to hear it aloud.
“Jim, if you dare to stop now I swear to god that I'm...” Kissing Bones breathless had proved to be a great way to silence him earlier, so Jim used again, all the while pressing his own erection against the doctor’s thigh.
“All you want, remember?” Jim murmured. He slid his mouth down Bones' throat to suckle at the collarbone and reached to fumble into his night table, looking for the lube and condoms that he kept there. “I'm not going to stop.”
Bones moaned and reached to wrap a hand around Jim's cock, feeling it from root to tip with gentle and sure fingers. God, Jim though almost dropping the lube, those girls were right. Those hands... those fingers... no way he was going to get tired of those fingers anytime soon. He made an effort to focus and open the condom, but Bones sat up and stopped Jim's hand from touching himself.
“Let me, Jim,” Bones said, taking the condom from him and dropping down to suck the hard, bobbing cock into his mouth. With a groan, Jim wound his hands into Bones' hair, pulling his head away.
“Bones... fuck... you can't do that. I want you too much. I'm too fucking close.”
Bones kept teasing for another long moment and then, slowly, rolled the condom onto Jim's cock before leaning back again and spreading his legs.
“You'll manage,” he said with firm conviction, stroking his own cock back to life as he watched Jim spread the lube on his fingers. And fuck, that was amazing, watching Bones lying there like that, sweaty, all hot and bothered, touching himself for him. Jim swallowed hard and clutched at his cock as it twitched in reaction to the desire that shot through his gut. Warming the lube between his fingers, he batted Bones' hand away, replacing it with his own. He stroked the silky steel shaft and allowed his other hand go lower, to tease his friend's tight opening.
“So good. Jim, so good... more, please!” Groaning and breathing deep, Bones laid back against the pillows and drew his knees up to expose himself more. With a final stretch of his fingers, Jim replaced them with the crown of his cock. Pushing carefully against the yielding muscle, he growled.
“You ready for me, Bones?
“Oh, Christ, yes, Jim. Please!” Bones' hands scrabbled over Jim's sweaty hips, trying to pull him closer as his own cock throbbed from all the sensation. “Do it... Do it... Do it now!”
“Why did we wait so long to do this?” In one long, controlled slide, Jim buried himself in Bones' body.
Bones couldn't respond with anything other than a broken whimper as he raised his hips toward his lover, wanting everything he could get, urging Jim to move. Jim matched Bones' thrusts, his movements becoming faster and harder as Bones moaned and writhed beneath him. After a while, Jim sat back on his heels and pulled his lover up onto his thighs, changing the way he stroked into the clenching passage. Bones' yell of pleasure echoed around them as he clutched at Jim's shoulders.
“Jim, Christ... I'm going to come... please, Jim, harder!”
Wrapping a warm, still slippery hand around Bones' cock, Jim stroked him roughly.
“Come for me, Bones. I want to watch you come... feel you come.”
It seemed that Jim's words were everything Bones needed to finally erupt, his hips jutting up and a rough howl of completion tearing from his throat. Jim followed with a guttural cry. Arms and legs trembling uncontrollably he lowered himself to Bones' chest, gasping for air.
Some time passed before Jim felt the need to move and Bones seemed happy simply to hold him. Cuddling was something that Jim had never enjoyed particularly before, but with Bones, who apparently shared his preference for silence after particularly good sex, it was comfortable. They stayed like that for a while, sharing slow caresses and long, languid kisses.
“Tell me again,” Jim sighed finally. “Why have we not done this before?”
“Because I'm a damned fool,” Bones replied hiding a yawn in his neck. “It's been amazing.”
“Perfect,” Jim whispered, fumbling to pull the covers up over them. “And you're lucky that I'm a genius because we're going to do this again. A lot. Soon.”
“Later?” Bones mumbled, his eyes already closed.
“Later.” Jim yawned and curled around him, perfectly happy.
Chapter VII
Author: Sally Daer (sallydaer@hotmail.com)
Fandom: Star Trek reboot
Characters: James Kirk, Leonard McCoy
Rating: NC-17 .)
Disclaimer: They're not mine. I'm only playing with them for a while.
Artist:
zhie thanks so much for helping me with this.
Beta:
alluranna who was amazingly suportive and helpful. Thanks a lot. All the remaining mistakes are mine.
Summary: Jim always thought that he knew all there was to know about his best friend,. Now he's not so sure.
Bones, apparently, didn't share his point of view because the door stayed closed, it didn't matter how many time he pressed the chime. The captain's overdrive code didn't work either. So the stubborn bastard had used one of the strongest medical security codes, and that Jim only could break with Spock's collaboration. And, asking for the Vulcan help for something like that? That wasn't going to happen any time soon. He was ready to start punching at the door when a yeoman appeared around the corner. He had to take a step back and retreat. Allowing the crew to see his captain shouting at the CMO’s door wasn't a good idea.
He was two corridors and half a deck away when he changed his mind. If Bones believed that he'd let pass something like that without speaking about it, he was wrong. He couldn't be more wrong. He turned on his heels, almost knocking down an unaware ensign who was walking behind him, and made his way back to the doctor's quarters.
Of course, when he arrived there Bones had already left. The door opened at his first try, but the room was empty. Great, he thought. Now he'd have to waste half of the night looking for his friend around the ship. Of course, he could ask the computer to locate the CMO for him, but it'd feel like cheating. With a suffering sigh, he left the room and started a methodical search for Bones' preferred corners of the ship.
A stop in the medbay didn't show more results than a curious look from the nurse on duty and a walk to Rec Rom Four, the only one on the ship without windows and, of course, the doctor's favorite, was not more successful. From there, Jim debated between the gym and the still hidden in Scotty's office. The temptation of the still would probably be a strong one, but Jim didn't believe that Bone would be in the mood for the engineer’s company, so he chose the gym only to continue walking to the ship's bowels of the ship when he didn't find his missing CMO there either.
Frustrating as it was, the long walk through the ship gave Jim the time he needed to think about what he was going to do. Bones felt something for him. That wasn't what he had been expecting. It was... strange and totally unexpected. It wasn't that nobody had declared to be in love with him before. It had happened, a lot, but it was a kind of love that disappeared in the morning, or at the end of the weekend, or when the worst of the attack of lust that had made Jim jump into their bed had vanished.
It was true that Jim was prone to run away as soon as he could. It was perfectly possible that he had left some broken hearts behind him, but none of his former lovers had made too many efforts to see him again in a non sexual situation, so he was quite sure that it wasn't the case. He had learned a long time ago that, when people said, “I love you”, most of times they didn't mean it.
Bones, however, was a very different matter. He never said things just to say it. What the hell? He hadn't say anything and Jim knew that his friend's feelings for him weren't something fleeting. Bones didn't do things halfway. Bones had been married and had been faithful to his wife until the day he had signed the divorce papers even when the woman had been fucking other guys for months. Bones had committed to find a cure for his father's illness and had risked everything, his marriage, his medical license, his practice... everything, in his search of it.
Bones hated the idea of space and Starfleet, but once he had enlisted, he'd done his best to fit in there. Groaning and complaining all the time, but he had adapted to the military style of life, survived the flight sims, the combat classes, and the never ending bureaucracy. He'd never given up and had graduated first of his class. Jim had needed to fight really hard for him to stay on the Enterprise. Above everything, Bones had ever given up on Jim. He'd had faith in Jim when even Jim had not believed in himself.
So, if his friend felt something for him, that wasn't going to disappear all of a sudden. It was Jim, who had to decide what was going to happen with them. If he decided to ignore what had happened, he knew that Bones wouldn't speak about his feelings again. He'd make sure to not bother Jim with unrequited emotions that could change their friendship forever. And, probably, sometime in future he'd find another person who'd love him back. Jim had just learned that a few members of his crew were dying for the chance to do it.
The prospect of it wasn't pleasant. In the last days, he hadn't liked the idea of his friend hiding things from him, but what really had made him lose his head was the idea of Bones spending time with someone who was not him. He wasn't going to lie to himself. He had been jealous.
The alternative, then, was to give Bones what he wanted, although the stubborn bastard would never admit it aloud. He had never been in a committed relationship, so he wasn't very sure about what that would imply. They'd spend most of their free time together, he guessed, but that wouldn't be a real change. Social life in the ship was quite lacking, especially for the senior officers, and hanging out with Bones was usually the best thing to do. That wouldn't be a problem.
The main change, however, would be that they wouldn't have to go to separate rooms at the end of the night. And that, he thought feeling suddenly interested, was a very interesting turn in the situation. He loved to be the captain of his own ship, but the down side of it was that he hadn't had such an intimate relationship with his right hand since he was a teen. Having Bones, as his best friend and lover, however...
A rush of images crossed his mind in a second. He and Bones in bed. The two of them on a shore leave, drinking in a bar and returning home together. Coming back to the Enterprise after an away mission, knowing that Bones would be waiting for him. Hanging out when then weren't on duty without having to go on different ways at the end of the afternoon. Finding new ways to make Bones smile. Jim loved Bones' smile, the open, happy, careless smile that the doctor showed too few times. As his lover, Jim was sure that he'd be able to bring it up a lot more often. The more he thought about it, the more he liked the idea. The problem now was how to convince Bones of it.
Once the decision was taken, Jim didn't find any reason to lose more time. A quick consult to the always efficient ship computer revealed that doctor McCoy was currently in the stellar cartography lab, probably the last place where Jim would have looked for him. He was still there when the captain arrived there, almost ten minutes later.
The room was so dark that Jim almost thought it was empty. However, when his eyes got used to the shadows, he saw the well-known figure of Bones lying on a reclining seat in the back of the room and, of all things, watching the image of a nebula projected on the ceiling. Why was the man watching a recorded nebula when there were tons of perfectly beautiful stars that he could see from the observation desk was something that Jim didn't understand, but he wasn't going to ask. He had more important things to attend to.
He approached slowly, careful to not startle his friend, but Bones didn't move, not even when Jim sat on the closest seat. At least he wasn't running away again, Jim though. That was something.
“How long?” he questioned when he found a comfortable position because, really, how could he have not noticed it?
The answer, when it came, was almost a whisper but they were so close that Jim had no problem hearing it. “Since Khan. The feelings where there before, I guess, but when Scotty brought you in, when I opened that gray bag I just... I could not... I knew then.”
“But, Bones, that was more than two years ago.” Jim shift in his couch to have a better view of his friend's face. The doctor had his eyes fixed on the nebula that moved elegantly on the ceiling.”
“I know.”
“And you never said anything.”
“I know.”
“Why?” Jim asked because, really? Two years? How the hell had Bones been able to hid something like that for so long? “You should have told me.” He didn't know if he felt amazed or a little hurt.
“How could I have told you?” Bones finally turned to look at Jim. “Do you remember how things were two years ago?”
“How...? Oh!” Jim shut up when he caught on to what Bones was referring to. Two years ago, after the chaos that Marcus had caused in Star Fleet and San Francisco, his life had been a mess. Bones had managed to keep him safe while he had been in the hospital but, as soon as he had been declared fit for duty, things had become crazy. He had been debriefed for weeks, until his role in the disaster had been clarified. Even with so solid proof like the communications from Marcus in the Vengeance, recorded by the computer on the Enterprise, most of the admirals had found hard to believe their colleague's betrayal. Jim had been forced to justify all his actions, to tell once and again all he remembered about Khan and Marcus, their sick relationship, their acts and motives.
And maybe Jim should have felt too tired, too disgusted, too weak to do more than sleep between meeting and meeting, but he was alive, damnit. He was alive and he had needed to feel alive. So, instead of staying in his apartment resting like the good boy that he was supposed to be, he had gone out almost every night. He had drunk less than he used to, but he had flirted like mad and had returned home with a different person, with a different woman, every night.
Bones had been just as busy as he was, with his own briefings, so their paths had not crossed too often for some weeks. When they had finally got some time to spend together, the doctor had been somewhat withdrawn, but when Jim had inquired about it, Bones had put it down to his own problems with the medical board. The Admiralty was happy that their most famous captain was alive and had saved the world one more time, but they were not so happy with the method his CMO had used to keep him alive. If they had questioned Jim's decisions, they were giving Bones hell for his acts. So, Jim hadn't asked any more questions and had thrown his efforts into cheering up his friend by dragging him out with him as often as he could.
In retrospect, that probably had not been the best possible idea but, in his defense, he had to say that he couldn't know what was happening in his friend’s head. Eventually, however, Jim's social life had gone back to more acceptable levels, and his friendship with Bones had returned to its comfortable ways, but things have been strained between them for some time.
“I got it. Maybe then wasn't the best moment, but you could have said something later.”
“I could,” Bones shrugged. “But I couldn't see what good could have come of it.”
“Well,” Jim answered carefully. “Maybe I could have been interested.”
“Yes Sure. James Tiberius Kirk, the most famous womanizer of the Fleet interested in another guy. I can see how well it'd work.”
It was Jim's turn to shrug. He couldn't blame his friend for thinking like that. He had dated some guys, back in Iowa, more to bother Frank and Winona than for any other reason in the start, but he had enjoyed the experience enough to repeat it just for pleasure. When he had arrived to San Francisco, however, there had been too many female cadets from too many different worlds to keep him interested and only occasionally, he had taken another man to his bed. It wasn't strange that Bones didn't know about it.
“I prefer women,” he said after a moment. “But I've been with some men before and I'm not blind. I can appreciate beauty even when it doesn't come in a soft and curvy body. And all those people that I head speaking about you this week was right at least about one thing. You're probably the hottest man I've ever met.”
Jim suspected more than saw the doctor blushing. For a moment, the man looked too shocked to say anything but, finally, he shook his head.
“So we would go to bed once, maybe twice, and then your interested would have turned to some new girl. That wasn't what I wanted... what I want, Jim. I hate the idea of things becoming weird and uncomfortable between us only for a night of sex, it doesn’t matter how good the sex would be. You and your friendship mean too much for me to risk it for nothing.”
“Maybe.” Jim's first reaction was to deny it but then he changed his mid. I wasn't the most focused guy back then, but things are different now. I'm a different man. I think we could be really good together. I mean, if you're still interested,” he felt a moment of doubt.
“Jim. No. You don't need to do this for me. It's because of this that I didn't want you to know it. I don't want to make you uncomfortable. Things don't need to change between us. You just... ignore what you heard and I'll manage. Just trust me. I can do it. I can...”
That was enough, Jim decided. It was time to change his tactics. He had been involved in enough diplomatic missions to know that sometimes words were not enough and a more hands on approach was in order. He leaned forward and kissed Bones.
The angle was all wrong and Bones became rigid and made a small movement to get away from him, but Jim wasn’t the kind of man that allowed absurd inconveniences like that to get in his way. He moved to share his friend’s couch, held Bones closer, and took his lips again, deeper, more firmly this time, and after a moment he felt Bones start to relax in his arms.
“You know me. I'd never feign something like this, not even for you,” he gasped when they finally broke apart. “Especially not for you. But I want to try this. I'm sure that we can do this together.”
“Jim,” Bones groaned, trying to put some distance between them in the small space of the couch.
“What we have is great, but it could be even better. Can't you see it? Because I can. I cannot imagine myself doing something like this with anyone else but, with you?” His voice went down to become a whisper. “I can see how good can we be together, what we can have together, and I want it,” he added closing the distance between them again.
This time Bones didn't put up resistance and Jim took his time to explore his lips, his mouth, until his friend moaned and finally returned the kiss. Making use of the small advantage, Jim slid his tongue in his friend's mouth, looking for the passion that he knew Bones was trying to contain. It took some time, but finally he felt the other man's arms wrapping around him and, when they broke apart again, it was because they needed to take a breath.
This close, Bones' eyes were almost green and Jim was able to see the fast dance of emotions reflected in them. There was love, fear, and hope, but it was the doubt that prevailed. “You'll get bored. Maybe now you think you won't, but soon you'll need something new, someone new, and I'm not any good at sharing. You'll get frustrated, I'll make you miserable and everything will blow to hell and that cannot happen. I already lost my best friend once, when my wife divorced me, and I cannot go through that again.”
Since it had been such an effective method the first time, Jim kissed him again. He kept it sweet and light, but didn't stop until he felt Bones surrender to his embrace again. Then he moved away just enough to look him in the eyes.
“That's not going to happen. I've done some very crazy thing in my life, you know? And I've slept with a lot of very different people, so there aren't so many new things out there for me to try. Besides, if I have you in my bed I'm not going to feel that I'm missing anything,” he said, raising a hand to brush his friend's jaw with his thumb. “Because being with you is the never boring. Do you remember Commander Robins’ seminars? I can swear that I'm the only cadet in the history of the Academy that had fun in those and it was only because we were there together. I cannot imagine how that can change if we add sex to what we already have. Trust me,” he looked at Bones right to the eyes and hoped he was showing exactly what he felt. “I’d never do anything to hurt you on purpose.”
The frantic dance of emotions in the doctor's eyes continued for a brief moment, but then something seemed to click in his head and his expression changed to one that Jim knew well, the one that said that Doctor Leonard McCoy had come to a conclusion and was not going to change his mind. Suddenly, Jim found himself pinned to the couch with Bones lying over him, kissing him.
This time Bones was clearly in charge of things and Jim sank into the kiss, giving himself over completely, lips and tongue trying to learn everything there was to know about his friend. The taste of the bourbon that Bones had been drinking earlier that night was still in his tongue and he couldn't seem to get enough of it. He threaded his fingers into the dark, soft hair and sucked strongly on the exploring tongue, moaning softly when Bones pushed closer.
“Oh, yeah,” Bones whispered when their lips finally separated, his head dropping to Jim's shoulder. “I've dreamed about kissing you like this. Just kissing. Being allowed.”
“You should have asked sooner. I had no idea...” Jim replied, his hands already itching to explore his friend's body. “I don't want to stop, but we cannot do this here,” he sighed. It didn't matter how much he wanted to do that, an uncomfortable couch in the Stellar Cartography Lab was not the right place for his first time with Bones.
“Someone can enter at any time.” Bones agreed, but leaned over for another kiss anyway, brushing their chests together as he moved. Jim couldn't hold back and returned the kiss, and the next one, and the next, until a soft noise made them jump apart, almost tripping in their hurry to get up.
Jim preferred not to wonder about what the young officer that had just entered the room could think about Bones mused hair or about his own swollen lips. There were going to be some new rumors in the gossip mill of the ship the next morning, he thought, but he didn't mind. The only important thing now was getting out of the lab and finding some place where he and Bones could be alone, so he walked past the girl, saluted her without really looking at her face went out of the room with Bones right behind him and didn't stop until they were in the corridor.
“Your cabin or mine?” He asked, giving Bones the chance to choose.
“Yours.” The answer came fast and without any hint of doubt. “It's closer.”
Jim didn't question the decision, from his point of view they couldn't arrive at his quarters soon enough. They covered the distance to his cabin in silence, hands and shoulders brushing lightly while they walked through the almost empty corridors of the ship, and as soon as the door was closed behind them, he took his soon to be lover's hand in his and walked through the darkened room to the bedroom without turnning on the lights. In all his time as captain of the Enterprise, he had never shared that bed and he liked the idea of Bones being the first, the only one to do it. Without letting go of his hand, he turned to look at his friend.
“Are you sure, Jim?” The doubt was almost imperceptible in Bones's voice, but it was there for him to hear it.
“I'm yours, Bones” he replied quietly, taking off his shirt and undershirt in only one movement. “Whatever you want is yours.”
“You don't know for how long I've wanted to hear that.” Bones breathed deeply, sliding a hand to cup Jim's cheek as he moved to claim his mouth again. It was hungry and wet and consuming, all what Jim desired and more, and when they finally broke apart, they were panting again. Jim moaned and his head fell back, exposing his neck to Bones.
“All you want,” he muttered, reaching around his friend to hold him close. Bones accepted the blond's invitation licking the tendons in his neck, lips pressed against salty skin. “Tell me what you want.”
Bones seemed to freeze at that, and then he rose to look into Jim's eyes. “I want...” he said before kissing him again. “Oh, Christ... I want to feel you, to have you inside me.”
“Fuck, Bones. I want that too. I want you.”
Jim pushed Bones to the bed, a little stronger than he intended, and crawled over him pulling of doctor's t-shirt on his way up his body. Bones let himself be pushed onto the bed, hands reaching for Jim's waist and back, caressing the naked skin and arching against Jim’s exploring mouth when it reached his nipples.
“Yes, Jim... so good. I... lights. I want to see you,” he moaned sending a spark of lust straight to Jim's cock. “I need to see that it's finally you and not another crazy dream about you.”
“It's me. I'm the only one touching you tonight,” Jim groaned and ordered the computer to turn on the lights to a forty percent. Blinking at the suddenly intense light, he finished pulling the t-shirt over his friend’s head and stared astonished at his naked chest. He had seen Bones half-naked before. They had shared a room in their last year at the Academy, they had changed in the gym together more than once, he had even got to drag him to the beach on shore leave once or twice, but he had never really seen him. He had never looked before. He knew that the CMO had to pass the same physical tests as the rest of his crew, but he had not expected anything like that.
“We should have done that sooner,” he whispered gazing at the man spread out before him. “I had no idea...” Jim leaned forward for another kiss, enjoying the feeling of being able to do something like that freely, and reached for Bones's belt. “Help me. You have too many clothes on.”
Bones raised his shaking hands to his belt and, pushing Jim softly away, he undid the buckle and pulled the leather from the pants in a smooth movement. Then he opened the button and pulled down the zipper. Keeping his eyes on his friend, Jim rolled to the side and pushed the rest of his clothes into a messy pile beside the bed.
“God, you're beautiful.” Jim whispered, and ran his hand lightly over his friend chest. Hooking a knee, he pulled it up, making room to move between the other man's legs. He braced his hands on either side of him and leaned over for a kiss, bushing their chests together. Bones shifted to kick off his pants and tilted his head back to offer his lips better, raising one hand to fist it in Jim's hair.
“I want to feel you,” he moaned softly as their chests brushed. Jim rocked his body over Bones, just barely touching skin to skin.
“Oh, yes. You're going to feel me, but I need to taste you first.” Jim sucked slowly his new lover's neck, enjoying the sounds of pleasure that fell from his lips. He went down over his chest, slowly, licking and nibbling his nipples while Bones grasped his shoulders so strongly that Jim knew that he'd have marks on his shoulders in the morning.
He smiled when the hard abdomen shook under his touch, then sank his tongue in Bones’ navel and descended still a little more. Bones' erection rose proudly in front of him and Jim stopped only time enough to lick a drop of pearly moisture from the head before taking him in his mouth.
It had been a long time since he had done something like that, but he took his time to remember all the right places to touch, every spot he must caress coming back suddenly to his mind. His tongue did things that he didn't remember to have done before and he enjoyed the sound of the moans and gasps falling from his lover's lips. Before he had time to do much, however, he felt Bones' hands pushing him away softly.
“Wait,” the doctor panted and Jim lifted his mouth away. “Not like that. Not this time.”
Jim lifted his mouth and smiled. He didn't ask questions, just slid over Bones, kissing a trail back to his mouth. When he was within his reach, Bones wrapped his legs around his hips, bringing him even closer, and kissed him. He moaned when he tasted his own flavor on Jim's tongue.
“Take me, Jim,” he whispered hoarsely. Need was so clear in Bones's voice that it left Jim breathless. He raised a hand to brush the sweaty hair off his friend's forehead.
“Are you sure?” Jim asked, looking at him in the eyes. It was not that he thought that Bones were going to say no, but he needed to hear it aloud.
“Jim, if you dare to stop now I swear to god that I'm...” Kissing Bones breathless had proved to be a great way to silence him earlier, so Jim used again, all the while pressing his own erection against the doctor’s thigh.
“All you want, remember?” Jim murmured. He slid his mouth down Bones' throat to suckle at the collarbone and reached to fumble into his night table, looking for the lube and condoms that he kept there. “I'm not going to stop.”
Bones moaned and reached to wrap a hand around Jim's cock, feeling it from root to tip with gentle and sure fingers. God, Jim though almost dropping the lube, those girls were right. Those hands... those fingers... no way he was going to get tired of those fingers anytime soon. He made an effort to focus and open the condom, but Bones sat up and stopped Jim's hand from touching himself.
“Let me, Jim,” Bones said, taking the condom from him and dropping down to suck the hard, bobbing cock into his mouth. With a groan, Jim wound his hands into Bones' hair, pulling his head away.
“Bones... fuck... you can't do that. I want you too much. I'm too fucking close.”
Bones kept teasing for another long moment and then, slowly, rolled the condom onto Jim's cock before leaning back again and spreading his legs.
“You'll manage,” he said with firm conviction, stroking his own cock back to life as he watched Jim spread the lube on his fingers. And fuck, that was amazing, watching Bones lying there like that, sweaty, all hot and bothered, touching himself for him. Jim swallowed hard and clutched at his cock as it twitched in reaction to the desire that shot through his gut. Warming the lube between his fingers, he batted Bones' hand away, replacing it with his own. He stroked the silky steel shaft and allowed his other hand go lower, to tease his friend's tight opening.
“So good. Jim, so good... more, please!” Groaning and breathing deep, Bones laid back against the pillows and drew his knees up to expose himself more. With a final stretch of his fingers, Jim replaced them with the crown of his cock. Pushing carefully against the yielding muscle, he growled.
“You ready for me, Bones?
“Oh, Christ, yes, Jim. Please!” Bones' hands scrabbled over Jim's sweaty hips, trying to pull him closer as his own cock throbbed from all the sensation. “Do it... Do it... Do it now!”
“Why did we wait so long to do this?” In one long, controlled slide, Jim buried himself in Bones' body.
Bones couldn't respond with anything other than a broken whimper as he raised his hips toward his lover, wanting everything he could get, urging Jim to move. Jim matched Bones' thrusts, his movements becoming faster and harder as Bones moaned and writhed beneath him. After a while, Jim sat back on his heels and pulled his lover up onto his thighs, changing the way he stroked into the clenching passage. Bones' yell of pleasure echoed around them as he clutched at Jim's shoulders.
“Jim, Christ... I'm going to come... please, Jim, harder!”
Wrapping a warm, still slippery hand around Bones' cock, Jim stroked him roughly.
“Come for me, Bones. I want to watch you come... feel you come.”
It seemed that Jim's words were everything Bones needed to finally erupt, his hips jutting up and a rough howl of completion tearing from his throat. Jim followed with a guttural cry. Arms and legs trembling uncontrollably he lowered himself to Bones' chest, gasping for air.
Some time passed before Jim felt the need to move and Bones seemed happy simply to hold him. Cuddling was something that Jim had never enjoyed particularly before, but with Bones, who apparently shared his preference for silence after particularly good sex, it was comfortable. They stayed like that for a while, sharing slow caresses and long, languid kisses.
“Tell me again,” Jim sighed finally. “Why have we not done this before?”
“Because I'm a damned fool,” Bones replied hiding a yawn in his neck. “It's been amazing.”
“Perfect,” Jim whispered, fumbling to pull the covers up over them. “And you're lucky that I'm a genius because we're going to do this again. A lot. Soon.”
“Later?” Bones mumbled, his eyes already closed.
“Later.” Jim yawned and curled around him, perfectly happy.
Chapter VII