Perceptions
Perceptions can be so deceitful and therefore very destructive. I have just experienced this first hand with some people who had been good friends for the last 12 years. Just recently their daughter, Michelle, who is the same age as my daughter (Jennifer) and have been friends since they were five years old, has just broken off her friendship with my daughter. Why? Because Jennifer has a friend (Ashley) who smokes pot. As a result Michelle believes that Jennifer must also be smoking pot. She thinks my daughter is doing a lot worse things as well. But she has no evidence and instead of finding out the truth accused Jennifer of such things and told her if she didn't stop seeing Ashley, she would no longer be her friend. Funny thing is Ashley has been a much better friend to Jennifer than Michelle has.
And although I agree that we need to be careful who we choose as friends, I feel that if you are strong enough to have a friend who has different values and yet keep your own in tact, then what an opportunity to be a great witness. Ashley respects Jen's values and doesn't in any way try to impose her values on Jen. Thus I allow the friendship to continue. Michelle's parents however are of a different opinion and feel that their daughter should not associate with mine if the friendship continues. I know this is sounding a bit convoluted, but I am aghast.
I can't believe that they would set themselves up as judge and jury -- they don't believe someone can keep their values intact if one has friends with different ones. And they really do believe my daughter does everything a carnal person would do. All I can say is, I know they are dead wrong. My daughter does no such things. She doesn't associate with this friend outside of school. She doesn't sneak out of the house to see her. As a matter of fact she is much too busy being a part of the school year book committee, helping prepare a conference for French for the Future, and every weekend she is involved in her air cadet activities, and teaching Sunday School. She has no extra time for this particular friend. So how Michelle came to the conclusion she did is through pure misperception and imputing of motives.
And a friendship is gone, just like that, because one chose to believe the lies of the enemy and didn't even want to bother to listen to what we had to say. They want to believe we are allowing ourselves to be deluded. What gaul! Since when does love want to believe the worst rather than the best. And how, in the way they are handling this situation are they loving Jennifer. If Jen is in trouble as they believe, should they be abandoning her? Does love not cover a multitude of sins, does love not build up and restore.
I believe this is a result of dealing with this matter through the eyes of the law rather than through the eyes of grace. The law seeks to condemn and pass judgment. The law kills, but grace brings life.
Grace seeks to forgive, to redeem and to build up.
And although I agree that we need to be careful who we choose as friends, I feel that if you are strong enough to have a friend who has different values and yet keep your own in tact, then what an opportunity to be a great witness. Ashley respects Jen's values and doesn't in any way try to impose her values on Jen. Thus I allow the friendship to continue. Michelle's parents however are of a different opinion and feel that their daughter should not associate with mine if the friendship continues. I know this is sounding a bit convoluted, but I am aghast.
I can't believe that they would set themselves up as judge and jury -- they don't believe someone can keep their values intact if one has friends with different ones. And they really do believe my daughter does everything a carnal person would do. All I can say is, I know they are dead wrong. My daughter does no such things. She doesn't associate with this friend outside of school. She doesn't sneak out of the house to see her. As a matter of fact she is much too busy being a part of the school year book committee, helping prepare a conference for French for the Future, and every weekend she is involved in her air cadet activities, and teaching Sunday School. She has no extra time for this particular friend. So how Michelle came to the conclusion she did is through pure misperception and imputing of motives.
And a friendship is gone, just like that, because one chose to believe the lies of the enemy and didn't even want to bother to listen to what we had to say. They want to believe we are allowing ourselves to be deluded. What gaul! Since when does love want to believe the worst rather than the best. And how, in the way they are handling this situation are they loving Jennifer. If Jen is in trouble as they believe, should they be abandoning her? Does love not cover a multitude of sins, does love not build up and restore.
I believe this is a result of dealing with this matter through the eyes of the law rather than through the eyes of grace. The law seeks to condemn and pass judgment. The law kills, but grace brings life.
Grace seeks to forgive, to redeem and to build up.