live free or die (note to self and no one in particular)
time stretches out before me like taffy. thin, almost clear. breaking the light through.
i am so used to giving all of myself to mean loosing all of myself and becoming something for another. i know that for long terms, that does not work. i can be blank, be yours. but not forever. hold with an open hand. share.
giving and leaving and loosing and becoming and loving and gasping and being. i get to choose. it is different now. it has always been different. i get to choose. i can be who i am and be with you. i can be. i am so used to changing who i am. terrified that you will leave if i am not what you want. i am what you want. factory installed. i am terrified.what if it is not enough. what if you leave or i choose to leave or we choose to leave? choice. cruel. beautiful.
i went drawing tonight, three months have passed. i felt i sucked. others loved my work. i am my own worst critic. i'm an artist. damnit. an artist. do you hear me? don't forget who you are. remember who you are and what you represent - and let people know it! three years of highschool dances and bus rides and thinly veiled morality lectures about sex in the bushes. i guess it worked.
get lost. become large, not small. recognize what holds you back. you never had to change. you did. you chose. they would stay for you with you. warts and all. imperfections and neurosis.
i am standing on the shore. sun on my face. cool water breaks on my ankles. i am eating taffy.
i am so used to giving all of myself to mean loosing all of myself and becoming something for another. i know that for long terms, that does not work. i can be blank, be yours. but not forever. hold with an open hand. share.
giving and leaving and loosing and becoming and loving and gasping and being. i get to choose. it is different now. it has always been different. i get to choose. i can be who i am and be with you. i can be. i am so used to changing who i am. terrified that you will leave if i am not what you want. i am what you want. factory installed. i am terrified.what if it is not enough. what if you leave or i choose to leave or we choose to leave? choice. cruel. beautiful.
i went drawing tonight, three months have passed. i felt i sucked. others loved my work. i am my own worst critic. i'm an artist. damnit. an artist. do you hear me? don't forget who you are. remember who you are and what you represent - and let people know it! three years of highschool dances and bus rides and thinly veiled morality lectures about sex in the bushes. i guess it worked.
get lost. become large, not small. recognize what holds you back. you never had to change. you did. you chose. they would stay for you with you. warts and all. imperfections and neurosis.
i am standing on the shore. sun on my face. cool water breaks on my ankles. i am eating taffy.